Episode 20: I’ll make sure Nana says she absolutely doesn’t want to leave Mizuki’s side
The bell rings. As I walk down the empty corridor holding Mizuki’s hand, she calls my name softly from behind.\
“…Nana”
Just hearing my name spoken like that makes happiness well up inside me.
Even after all that agonising, this is how I react when faced with her. How simple-minded of me…\
Turning around with a happy smile would feel rather silly, so I kept facing forward and replied quietly, “What?”
Mizuki is sharp. She must be observing how I react.
Truthfully, I was so nervous my heart felt like it would leap out of my mouth. I dreaded her seeing any more of my inner thoughts. I need to put some distance between us.
I thought that, but I just couldn’t let go of her hand.
“…Sorry. Thank you.”
“You’re not feeling well, are you? You look absolutely pale. You should rest a bit in the infirmary.”
A cute sign hung on the infirmary door, informing visitors the nurse was absent, but the door wasn’t locked. So, I simply pulled Mizuki’s hand and slipped inside.
Turning back, I saw Mizuki timidly looking up at me with her eyes half-closed.
Uwaaah, adorable…!!!
Seeing her face like this after so long made my feelings overflow without limit.
I forced myself to suppress my emotions, drew the curtain around the infirmary bed, and urged Mizuki to sit down.
“Are you alright?”
Peering at her face, I gasped as Mizuki’s eyes twisted. Tears welled up in them, spreading steadily.
Eh, wait, hold on… why are you crying!?
“M-Mizuki, what’s wrong?”
“…I thought you’d never speak to me again.”
“Eh?”
Me? Is it my fault?
Tears streamed from her round, cat-like eyes, cascading down her slender jawline.
“Nana, I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? This past month has been so hard.”
“I’m… sorry…”
I stroked Mizuki’s shoulder as she hung her head, shoulders shaking with sobs. So thin. She seemed to have lost weight again.
Knowing I’d burdened her with extra worries crushed me with regret.
“…Nana, why didn’t you reply?”
“Because I did that to Mizuki, I couldn’t face you.”
“I said it was okay. It wasn’t your fault.”
Faced with Mizuki’s unrelenting tears, I felt utterly helpless. No matter how hard I rubbed her shoulders and back, she showed no sign of stopping.
Large tears rolled down, staining her skirt, so I hurriedly stretched out my sweater sleeve to wipe them away.
“Don’t cry, Mizuki. I’m so sorry for ignoring you.”
“Nana, do you hate me now? Don’t you like me anymore?”
“Of course not.”
“Then promise you won’t ignore me anymore.”
“All right, I promise. Please stop crying now.”
When Mizuki cries like this, my chest tightens and I feel like crying myself.
Mizuki stared at me with tear-filled eyes, then held out her little finger. “…Finger promise.”
I did as she asked, linking my little finger with hers.
“I won’t ignore you anymore. I promise. So please, don’t cry.”
As I said it, clinging to her, Mizuki suddenly broke into a smile, and her tears vanished instantly.
“Nana, it’s a promise, alright? You mustn’t break it.”
Huh…?
I felt like I’d been tricked somehow, but if Mizuki kept crying like this, I’d end up crying too, so I just nodded silently.
“So then… Mitsuki, why were you in the student guidance room? Did something happen? You looked absolutely pale, I was really worried.”
I said it as if remembering, wanting to change the subject, and Mitsuki’s expression clouded over. Worried, I peered at her downcast face, but Mitsuki averted her gaze from me.
“Mitsuki?”
“…Nana, you won’t tell anyone, absolutely no one?”
“I won’t.”
My heart skipped a beat.
Unpleasant thoughts raced through my mind.
No way. Surely not. Please, let it not be what I’m imagining.
“Lately, I’ve been sleeping in class, haven’t I?”
“…What? That’s why you were called in? Don’t scare me like that.”
Relief washed over me, draining my strength. Without thinking, I sat down beside Mizuki.
What on earth is Sakata thinking? Even if her grades have slipped, Mizuki is undoubtedly top-tier. What’s the big deal about sleeping in class?
Was he just looking for a reason to pick a fight? Like Maki said before, maybe Sakata just has too much time on his hands.
Completely unconcerned by my sudden calm, Mizuki continued, her solemn expression unchanged.
“I told the teacher about my home situation. That my little brother’s night crying is so bad I can’t sleep. Then… he asked, ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ and took my hand.”
“Huh?”
A low voice, almost a growl, escaped me.
What the hell? Anger made my vision red.
Sakata. What the hell are you thinking? You’re a teacher, for crying out loud.
“It was terrifying. All I could say was ‘I’m fine’. I refused stubbornly until he gave up.”
“…You should tell your form tutor. Actually, let’s go tell them. Right now.”
I grabbed Mizuki’s hand tightly and pulled her up. But she didn’t stand.
“No way! Nana, you promised not to tell anyone. It’s over now.”
“Trying to lay a hand on a student? Unbelievable! Aren’t you furious, Mizuki!?”
We’re still children. We should still be protected.
Yet these despicable adults try to exploit us without mercy.
“…Thank you for getting angry for me. But I’m fine. I don’t want to worry Mum any more, and I don’t want to cause trouble before my exams.”
As Mizuki squeezed my hand tightly and spoke quietly, I felt the rage that had reached boiling point and threatened to erupt suddenly subside.
“…Really, be careful, Mizuki…”
As the anger receded, I looked at myself objectively… and thought, what right do I have to say that?
After all, that night, I too had succumbed to lust and tried to take Mizuki. What we’re doing is no different.
“…Nana.”
“What…?”
“Please stay by my side forever, from now on.”
Mizuki pressed herself against my shoulder. That was unfair. If she did that, I couldn’t push her away.
Our eyes met at close range, hers glistening, and I swallowed hard.
“…Mizuki, you don’t like me, do you?”
“I do like you.”
“What kind of liking? As a friend, right?”
It was terrifying to lay my bare heart bare. But I couldn’t help asking.
“…Honestly, I don’t really understand it myself. It’s hard to give an answer to something like that right now.”
“Don’t say you don’t know.”
Please answer me. And please, just properly reject me. Don’t say things that give me hope.
My prayer went unheard, and Mizuki placed her palm against my cheek.
“…Is it really that important whether this feeling is love? I’m telling you it’s fine to like me, but is that not enough for you, Nana?”
“Even though you were so scared then.”
“…I wasn’t scared. I was just a little nervous.”
“Really?”
I seized Mizuki’s hand, which had been touching my cheek, and drew her body close.
I peered into her face at point-blank range. See? Her eyes were frightened after all. I could feel her trying to hold back, her muscles tense and stiff.
“…You don’t like this, do you? It’s scary, isn’t it? You can reject me.”
Push me away and say, “I can’t do this after all.”
Then we could pretend none of this ever happened.
Despite my considerable resolve in saying it, Mizuki didn’t change her expression one bit.
“I wouldn’t reject Nana.”
“Why?”
“I wouldn’t just say ‘stay by my side’. Whatever Nana wants, if it’s something I can give, I’ll give it all.”
What I want, huh… I almost smiled bitterly. How cruel of her to say such a thing.
“…The thing I want most, you’d never give me that, Mizuki.”
“What is it you want most?”
“I won’t tell you. Figure it out yourself.”
Something this simple, and Mizuki just doesn’t get it.
Thinking that made me feel sad, empty, and so terribly hurt that I wanted to be a little mean to her.
Leaning my weight onto her slender shoulders, her thin frame sank easily into the bed.
The worn-out pipe bed in the infirmary creaked with a raw sound.
Holding down both her wrists, I stared at Mizuki’s pale pink lips.
Mizuki’s lips always had the corners turned up slightly; even when serious, she somehow looked like she was smiling.
I like these lips too. They’re cute. That night’s kiss was so passionate, so desperate, I can’t quite recall how it happened clearly.
After taking a deep breath, Mizuki fixed me with a gaze that seemed resolved.
Drawn to her, I slowly drew my face closer. When she lifted her chin slightly, I pressed my lips against hers as if invited.
It’s only you, Mizuki. Only you can wound my heart so easily with a single word.
The sweet, gentle voice and words that come from these lips are as sharp as blades, leaving my heart scarred. New wounds keep appearing one after another, so the pain never truly subsides.
Mizuki is selfish and unreasonable.
Changing my university choice? What does she think my life is? It’s unbelievable she’d say something like that when she has no intention of taking responsibility.
But I love her. I love that Mizuki to death.
It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know I’m being an idiot.
As if testing the soft, supple feel of her lips, I pressed mine against hers, changing angles, repeating the kiss over and over.
I want to stay like this forever…
I want to go all the way with Mizuki…
Suppressing that stirring instinct with all my strength, I reluctantly pulled away and lifted my face.
On the stark white sheets. Two breaths echoed in the now silent infirmary.
Mizuki’s cheeks were flushed too, her feverish expression utterly devastating.
It felt like being smacked hard on the back of the head… but I gritted my teeth and managed to hold back.
I released her arms and gently wiped Mizuki’s damp lips with my thumb.
“…I’ll help with Tasuku’s childcare, until graduation.”
“Stay with me forever after graduation too. Please, let’s apply to the same university. I don’t want you going off to Tokyo.”
“…If Mizuki gives me what I want most, then yes.”
Then I’ll go to the same university as Mizuki without hesitation. If Mizuki gives me her heart.
“Hmm…? Alright, if Nana insists that much, I have my own plans too. …I’ll make sure Nana says she absolutely doesn’t want to leave Mizuki’s side.”
Mizuki suddenly reached out to me, pulling my neck tightly against hers.
Pressing her lips to my ear as I froze in surprise, she whispered softly in an incredibly sweet voice.
“…Not just a kiss next time, let’s go all the way.”
“…What on earth are you saying!?”
I looked up in alarm, only to see Mizuki smiling contentedly, her face flushed crimson.
It was an angelic smile, so cute and endearing it made me want to protect her. Yet for some reason, today alone, Mizuki seemed like a devil.
What should I do? Could it be… I’ve fallen for a girl who’s completely out of my league…?
Even if I realise that now… it’s too late, isn’t it?