Episode 21: But You Do Like Her, Don’t You?
“………..Eh?”
The moment she opened the president’s office door, Matsuyama’s face turned red in real time, right before my eyes.
Not just her cheeks. All the way to the tips of her earlobes, spreading slowly, thoroughly.
“S-s-sorry for intruding!!!!”
Bang!!
The door slammed shut, the sound ringing out into the corridor.
…This is bad.
Before I’d registered it, I was out of the president’s office. I moved quickly down the corridor. Matsuyama’s back wasn’t far ahead yet.
“Matsuyama!”
Snap.
I caught her arm and pulled her to the corridor wall.
The momentum brought us too close together. Both of us were out of breath.
“Just now——”
“I didn’t see anything. Nothing! Not a single thing!!”
Matsuyama squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head rapidly from side to side. Then slowly opened them — met my eyes again — went red all over again and hurriedly looked away. She was blinking at a speed that barely seemed physically possible.
“President… um, you’re close. Please step back. …And the, um, hand…”
Flustered past coherence, Matsuyama turned her face away from me. Her eyes were darting left and right. She seemed to have no idea where to look.
“My hand? Oh… sorry.”
I’d forgotten myself. I let go quickly and took a step back.
“About what just happened… I’m sorry to ask, but please don’t tell anyone.”
“I understand. I mean, I couldn’t tell anyone about that even if I wanted to…”
Matsuyama pressed both hands to her cheeks and gave a small, trembling shake of her head.
“Thank you…”
I let out a quiet breath of relief. If it had been anyone other than Matsuyama, this might have become something far worse.
“But… who is she? Why would the president and a cleaner…”
Matsuyama asked in a lowered voice, still flushed, eyes roaming. Her brows were drooping in that helpless way — she had something of a puppy about her face just then.
“It’s a long story…”
I gave her a rough outline — that Yuno was staying at my place, that in the course of living together things had somehow drifted in this direction.
As I explained, Matsuyama’s face went red in stages, entertainingly so.
She clearly has no immunity to this sort of thing.
Genuinely too pure for her own good. I worry about her.
“So… does that mean Yuno-san is your girlfriend, President?”
“Eh…”
“Eh? But… President, you do like Yuno-san, don’t you?”
“That… is…”
I couldn’t answer a single thing properly.
What is our relationship, exactly.
Not simply housemates. But not lovers either.
And naming this feeling “liking” — that frightened me too.
I’d arrived here today still carrying that unnamed, undefined distance between us.
Matsuyama watched me fall silent, and gave a small sigh. “…Well. I understand.”
“It’s a bit of a shock, honestly. I’ve been watching over you for so much longer than she has… but, well. It’s fine.”
Matsuyama murmured it with her head bowed.
A quiet aside, a truly small voice.
I couldn’t parse what she meant and asked her to repeat it.
“Sorry? What?”
“…It’s nothing.”
Matsuyama kept her face turned to the side and didn’t answer. Bright red in profile, lips pursed just slightly. An expression that was somehow sulky and somehow braced, both at once.
“I won’t breathe a word of it. Please don’t worry.”
“Thank you, Matsuyama.”
The relief must have done something to my face, because a smile came before I could stop it.
Matsuyama glanced over at me — eyes going wide — went red all over again. Her mouth was moving without sound. She seemed to be trying to say something and finding she couldn’t quite.
“A-anyway. Please, at the office — don’t. At least… lock the door if you’re going to… ah, ‘going to’ doesn’t mean — I mean it does — aaugh, excuse me!!”
Flustered all by herself, extravagantly, she went brisk-stepping back to the floor.
I watched her go, and let out a long, slow breath.
It was funny, and then, quietly, something else too.
How completely I’d lost my reason in front of Yuno.
It was only now that Matsuyama had seen it that the reality of it was catching up with me, slowly.
“Things like that… are for someone you care for…”
My own words to Yuno, stabbing now into my chest with real force.
I had been the one to beg Yuno to kiss me. In that moment, without any doubt, every part of me had been reaching for her.
Do I… like her? Yuno?
And then the old words surfaced, the ones that had once been directed at me.
“I’ve fallen for someone else. Please let me go.”
“You’re not human.”
My chest gave a sharp, hurting throb.
I’m cold. Not human.
Sooner or later, I’d hurt Yuno without even knowing I was doing it.
And then Yuno would leave.
I don’t want to lose someone and be hurt like that again.
If I’m only going to lose her, I’m better off not going deeper from the start.
Not acknowledging this feeling as “liking” — that’s the easier thing to do.
I leaned against the wall, head bowed, and let out a long sigh.
“Next up, this room!”
Right in front of me, Yuno said it breezily, pushing her cart into the floor without a care in the world.