Episode 89: Doesn’t a life like that… feel rather hollow?

The promised Monday.

In the dim recesses of the bar. At the same counter as before, he was waiting for me.
His jet-black fringe swayed as he noticed me and turned. Without a word, I gazed back into the distinctive dark brown eyes beyond it.

Even the single silver cufflink peeking from the cuff of his deep navy suit clearly set him apart from the typical salaryman’s attire.
　Truly the attire of an elite salaryman.
As he turned his whole body, the Ichinose Group company emblem on his chest flashed brightly, reflecting the light.

“Good evening. Thank you for coming.”

Behind the false smile, sharp fangs flickered in and out of view.
　Just a week ago, I had feared him so intensely, yet strangely, I felt no unease now.
I was slightly surprised at myself – could one become this composed once one’s resolve was set?

I silently lowered myself into the pulled-out chair.

He smiled, his thin lips curling, and raised a hand to the bartender. Then, he lifted his whisky glass.

“The same for her, please.”

The bartender behind the counter glanced my way. I recognised him immediately. The same man as before. He must have remembered my grimace from last week.

“I’m not keen on it neat… Could I have it as a highball?”

Ignoring Kitakami-san’s suggestion, I said this. The bartender smiled with relief, replying, “Certainly.”

　Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kitakami-san narrow his eyes slightly.

“…You haven’t said anything to Yui, have you?”

“No, I haven’t said anything yet.”

She emphasised the word ‘yet’. She hadn’t said anything now, but she intended to tell her soon.

The glass was placed before me with a soft clink. I thanked him, took it, and sipped.
It was my first time drinking it, yet I knew this taste. Because it was the drink Yui-san favoured.
Perhaps that was why. Though slightly bitter, I found it delicious.

“…Well then, shall we hear your answer straight away?”

When I turned my gaze to him, he was looking at me with a smile devoid of warmth, as if he didn’t entertain the slightest thought that I might refuse.

“I am deeply grateful for this offer, which is far beyond my station. However, I must still decline.”

When I stated it flatly, his temple twitched. I couldn’t tell what expression lay beneath that smiling mask.
But I wasn’t afraid anymore.

He sighed deeply, as if in disappointment. I understood what he wanted to say, but I had no intention of giving any further reasons.

“…Yui and I have been engaged for eight years now. I’ve known her since childhood and always cherished her.”

What is the point of those flimsy eight years? I looked at him with a jaded feeling.

“Cherished, you say?”

“As you probably know, Yui’s innocent. Once, when I tried to kiss her, she pushed me away. She told me not to do anything like that until we were married, and since then, I’ve never laid a finger on her. That’s how much I’ve cherished her.”

――Eh? Innocent? Who on earth are you talking about?

The words nearly slipped out from the back of my throat.

I realised Yui must have skilfully fended him off all this time, and at the same moment, I realised this man truly knew nothing about her.

After all, Yui-san absolutely loves kissing, and even when I say it hurts, she won’t stop at all while we’re doing it.

　He’s completely off the mark.
She’s actually incredibly lecherous, that one.

With such a beautiful face, she’s always thinking about dirty things. I wanted to say it, but held back. That’s something only I need to know.

I downed the glass.

　I’m an idiot. Back in my student days, I was the sort who could kiss such cute girl, yet I ran away without even listening properly to someone who held me so fiercely, just because she was engaged.

It’s too late for regrets now, but I want to punch my past self.

“…Did you like Yui-san since you were a child? So, Kitakami-san, you’ve never been with a woman before?”

　When I spat it out like that, his face twisted for the first time, as if he hadn’t expected me to retort.

See? I knew it. There’s no way. Kitakami-san doesn’t strike me as the type who could hold such deep affection for a single woman for so many years.

It felt good, like that mask had finally slipped just a little.

“…If Yui-san were to say no, are you prepared to live your entire life without ever laying a finger on her? Do you truly love her that much?”

His real motives? I couldn’t care less.
I refuse to call such twisted obsession ‘love’.

Kitakami-san simply snorted in derision at my perfectly serious question.

“Isn’t that taking things to an extreme? Once we’re married, we’ll have children too… It’s a challenge we can overcome.”

I almost sighed.

Ultimately, what he needs is a “conveniently compliant puppet”; he clearly has no intention of respecting Yui-san’s will or anything else.

Enduring pain isn’t love, Yui-san told me plainly. How much solace those words gave me at nineteen.

　The thought of her being with someone like him made my skin crawl. —I didn’t even want to imagine it.

“Let me be clear about this. I don’t believe being with you is beneficial for Yui. Besides, you ran away once, didn’t you? Give it up. Even if Yui did like you, it has nothing to do with our marriage. If you step aside, everything will be settled.”

“…Who said she liked me? At least I don’t know anything about that.”

“What nonsense. Playing dumb now?”

Yukiya-san is right. There can be no proof. He’s just baiting me, trying to intimidate me. I mustn’t be shaken.

“Before that… I think Kitakami-san and Yui-san have fundamentally different values. They absolutely wouldn’t be compatible.”

I can say that with certainty.

Good. That he didn’t say it would be fine if that’s what she wanted. Now I can take her from you without a second thought.

　She couldn’t possibly be happy marrying someone who doesn’t understand her.

“…I can imagine what Yui’s thinking. Three years ago, when she chose Yukiyasu over me for the board position, I knew something was off. Why bring that guy back into the group after he left? The reason’s simple. You’re trying to break off our engagement, aren’t you? As long as Yukiyasu’s there, I’m unnecessary.”

　I’d heard Yukiyasu-san was your childhood friend — yet the anger in Kitakami-san’s voice when he spoke his name made me suspect he regarded him as an enemy.

“Because of you, Yui changed. She developed her own will. But don’t think I’ll back down so easily. I’ve staked my life on this company too.”

His eyes, fixed on me as if glaring, burned with a fierce, glittering ambition.

“…Wouldn’t it be best to convey such matters directly to the person concerned? As I am merely a secretary, I cannot respond to matters of a private nature. I shall report this matter to the president.”

I declared it sharply, then downed the drink in one gulp.

“…Kitakami-san.”

When I called his name, eyes red and bloodshot with anger locked onto mine.
Somehow… he seemed pitiful.

“Choosing a life without loving or being loved — are you truly happy with that? Doesn’t such a life… feel hollow?”

The words came from my heart. But after speaking them, I realised how harsh they must have sounded to him.

　Kitakami-san went completely expressionless. So that was your true face. I felt as though I’d finally glimpsed the real face behind that mask.

My resolve wouldn’t waver now. I’d decided to live my life with her.
I wouldn’t give up on our future. As long as Yui-san was by my side, absolutely not.

To the world at large — perhaps I was the bad person. But I didn’t care about that.
　If it meant protecting Yui-san’s heart, I didn’t care who threw stones at me.

I took my wallet from my bag and slammed the notes down on the counter.

“This covers the drinks from the other day too. Goodbye.”

I could see his clenched fist trembling on the counter.
Ignoring it all, I turned on my heel.

　It was a lovely bar with a thoughtful bartender, but I wouldn’t be coming here again. Nor would I ever meet him alone again.

Leaving the hotel, I looked up at the thick sky. Snow was fluttering down. My breath was white. It was a bone-chilling cold.

It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, yet it seems Father Christmas has brought not just presents, but a low-pressure system too. Couldn’t he wait to make it snow?

　Pulling my collar up, I set off towards the station.

This world, this society, is full of injustices.

Even if you fail, time can never be rewound, and sometimes crying and screaming won’t change a thing.

Still, I want to believe.
That love has the power to overcome any obstacle, no matter how formidable.

Before passing through the ticket gate, my pocket vibrated. I pulled out my smartphone and checked the display – a message had arrived from Yui-san.
Tapping it revealed an attached image.
A photograph of a small Christmas tree perched daintily on the kitchen counter.

It looked familiar.

　This was the one I bought at a little shop near my part-time job back in my student days. She still had it. Had she been putting it up every year?
If so, what must Yui-san have felt each year when she…

I bit my lip hard.

—It’s snowing, so take care on your way home. If you need me, I’ll come and pick you up anytime, just let me know.

　I’d told Yui I had plans today just before clocking off, so she must have been worried and called.
Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to see her. Before I knew it, I’d passed through the ticket gates and was standing on the platform for a train heading in the exact opposite direction to my own flat.

The train glided onto the platform, its silver body gleaming as it kicked up tiny snowflakes. By the time I slid through the open doors, all hesitation had vanished.

　Passing through the ticket gates at the station nearest Yui-san’s house – one I’d passed countless times during university – I tapped the top name in my call history.

Exiting the station, a light dusting of snow had begun to settle on the road.

‘Hello? Kanata?’

Feeling that beloved voice in my left ear, my cheeks relaxed.

“Yui. Is it alright if I come over to your place now?”

‘Now? Sure… but Kanata, where are you right now?’

Her delighted voice came through the phone.

“…Actually, I’ve already reached the nearest station.”

‘Eh? It’s snowing. I’ll come and pick you up, so wait at the station.’

“I’ve already left the station and am heading there. I should be there soon, so I’ll call you back.”

Saying that, I hung up.
My eager heart pushed me forward, and my body cut through the wind towards Yui-san.
I wanted to see her as soon as possible, and before I knew it, I was running.

“Kanata!”

As I hurried along, I saw Yui-san rushing towards me from across the road, looking flustered.

The distance closed, and I threw myself into her beloved chest. Holding me up, Yui-san embraced me tightly.

“I told you to wait at the station… You must have been cold.”

Saying that, Yui wrapped the blue checked scarf I’d given her around my neck. It was warm. It smelled sweet, like Yui.
She brushed the snow off my shoulders with her palms, then looked at me with concern.

“What’s suddenly got into you? Has something happened?”

“Sorry for being so abrupt. I just needed to see you. … It’s snowing today, and sleeping alone might be a bit… cold, I thought.”

I averted my gaze, trying to hide my embarrassment. Yui chuckled softly. She narrowed her gentle black eyes and gazed at me affectionately.

“…You’re right. Tonight is a bit cold for sleeping alone, isn’t it?”

My hand, which she was holding, was drawn into the warm pocket of her coat.

“…Shall we go home?”

I nodded, and we started walking side by side.
I looked up at the sky, thick with snow clouds. Snow continued to fall quietly, blanketing the town in white.

＊＊＊

The room she welcomed me into was warm, and my body, stiff from enduring the cold, slowly began to thaw.

　Before I could take mine off, Yui-san helped me out of my coat and hung it on the rack.

Only when we were alone did the taut thread of tension finally begin to unravel.

I couldn’t help but want to touch her, couldn’t wait, so I took her hand and pulled her close. Turning to face me, I stood on tiptoe just a little and drew my face towards hers.
Her dark eyes flickered in surprise, but I pressed my lips against hers regardless.

　They were cool to the touch, soft.

For a moment, the fingertips of my clasped hand trembled — but Yui smiled, wrapped her arms around my waist, and pulled me closer, a little forcefully.
As we changed angles repeatedly, pressing our lips together, the chill I’d felt earlier had somehow vanished.

“…It’s unusual for you to kiss me first, Kanata.”

She said it with a delighted smile, making me feel a little embarrassed.

“…Is that not allowed?”

“No. It’s not forbidden. I’m happy.”

When our gazes met, a deep tenderness welled up inside me.
I should have been famished, having only drunk alcohol, but the desire to be close to Yui-san overpowered that hunger.

“…Hey, Yui-san.”

“Hmm?”

“…Kiss me more.”

When I gazed at those lips and begged like that, Yui-san smiled. She gently stroked my cheek, peered into my eyes, and smiled mischievously.

“…Is a kiss all you want?”

You’re so mean. You know exactly what I want, yet you ask anyway.
I refuse to say what she wants me to say, just to spite her. Pouting, I lower my gaze, only for her to gently lift my chin.

　When our eyes met, her fierce, dark gaze burning with heat, a shiver ran down my spine.
Her thumb traced my lips gently.

“…Kanata, I taught you properly, didn’t I? What should you say at times like this?”

Deep within my chest, a searing heat burned.

　I blame Kitakami-san for this.
I don’t want to share her with anyone. I want being touched by her to remain my exclusive privilege forever.
Possessiveness erupted like magma, surging over me in waves.

I gently bit down on her thumb as it slipped into my mouth, invitingly sweet, and looked up at her intently.

　I know she wants me to say it out loud… but I’m still too embarrassed. I want to say it only after I’ve lost all sense of reason.

When I wrapped my tongue around that finger and sucked lightly, Yui-san smiled, as if she’d realised my thoughts.

After pulling her thumb out, she scooped me up in her arms — and then Yui-san gave me a kiss that was like biting, an incredibly sweet kiss.