Episode 58
Why does this feel so comfortable.
Unsettled, and yet calmed, both at once.
My own feelings have gotten complicated.
This is a problem…
A problem, and yet I slowly opened my eyes anyway.
I watched the scenery rushing past at tremendous speed.
As it started to slow, Fujishiro gave my side a gentle nudge with her elbow.
“Wake up. We’re getting off at the next station.
“Okay.”
I lifted my heavy head, looked toward Fujishiro, and forced some strength back into my eyes.
“Sorry, I fell asleep.”
“It’s fine. Use me all you like.”
Fujishiro looked at me, grinning like a dog, pleased with herself.
Use her all I like…
Where exactly had the screws in Fujishiro’s head gone.
She says things this unhinged so often that I think she genuinely needs them tightened back in.
Not that I could actually say something like that out loud to myself, so I got off the train, following after her.
The moment we stepped off, a breeze wrapped around us.
There was a faint, slightly fishy smell in the air. Not unpleasant exactly, just unfamiliar.
I walked silently beside Fujishiro, and she took my hand without asking.
“What?”
“Not allowed?”
“Allowed to what?”
“Lend me your hand?”
Why should I have to lend her my hand.
Fujishiro was looking up at me with her brows lowered, an expression asking for permission.
Lately she’s started making that face whenever she wants something from me.
Her behaviour has always been mostly incomprehensible to me.
But lately, even more so…
“What do I get if I lend it to you?”
“Eh? …I’ll give you my hand.”
“I don’t want it.”
“That’s awful. You’re supposed to just accept it graciously.”
Saying that, Fujishiro laced her fingers through mine anyway.
I’d said I didn’t want it, and yet she pushed it on me regardless.
Well, that’s exactly like her, I suppose.
The disgustingly bad rice ball, the terrible cooking, the gloves, the dog mechanical pencil, the matching earrings, all of it pushed onto me without asking.
I realise now that I’ve received a great many things from Fujishiro.
The time we spend together has grown too.
The things we talk about have grown too.
The things we hand back and forth to each other have grown too.
And yet, despite all that, I still barely know anything about Fujishiro.
At first I’d assumed I simply had no interest in her.
But that’s not really true anymore, as it turns out.
Whenever something about Fujishiro stays opaque to me, it makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I’ve started wanting to know.
Our hands are pressed together this closely, and yet not one of Fujishiro’s actual feelings comes through to me.
“Fujishiro, do you…”
“Hm?”
“…Never mind.”
I’d meant to ask her something, but the things I’m actually curious about, her family, the people around her, what she thinks of me, felt like too much to ask, so I stopped.
“Come to think of it, where are we going? You never told me.”
“Somewhere I think Morishita will like.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.”
Where would that be.
I don’t understand Fujishiro, and honestly, I don’t fully understand myself either.
We kept walking, and the wind grew stronger. Walking straight into it, a vast expanse of blue opened up ahead.
The moment the scenery came into view, I found my feet already moving forward without deciding to.
The view wasn’t going anywhere, and yet I wanted to catch up to that beautiful blue, and before I knew it I was the one pulling Fujishiro’s hand forward.
Fujishiro watched me do that, looking thoroughly satisfied.
“See? You like it, don’t you.”
Did I like it?
But my chest was pounding this hard, and the back of my nose stung with heat, so maybe I did.
Why does Fujishiro understand me better than I understand myself.
That frustrated me, and my stomach tightened uncomfortably.
I kept staring at the sea, roaring in front of me.
On the horizon, sea and sky met, and the land disappeared entirely.
For the first time, I thought, the earth really is round.
Our hands were still joined, same as ever, and Fujishiro’s prettily curled hair swayed lightly in the wind.
The whole scene looked as though she were playing with the wind itself, fitting so naturally into the sand and the sea, and it was a little maddening.
I found myself resenting the way Fujishiro Nanoha, wherever she happened to be, always seemed to belong there.
While I was thinking that, the wind caught the hem of my dress and lifted it, threatening to float upward.
Fujishiro looked at the hem of my dress and laughed.
“Morishita, you look like a wind fairy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Pretty and cute.”
“That makes no sense.”
She really is a person who does nothing but tease, all the way through.
Being called cute by someone this cute felt like nothing but mockery.
Even though I was resenting her this much, Fujishiro pulled my hand along without a care in the world.
My feet kept sinking into the sand as we walked the coastline, the soles of my shoes gradually filling with grit.
Even so, I kept walking beside her, glancing at the sea out of the corner of my eye.
There happened to be a breakwater with a clear view of the water, so we climbed the steps and sat down on the sun-warmed concrete.
Fujishiro sat beside me, and then pulled a round shape out of her bag, handing it to me.
I looked at the object sitting in my hand, suspicious, and she started laughing quietly.
“I made rice balls for Morishita.”
“Ugh… my stomach’s going to hurt again…”
“Forget about that already. It shouldn’t be that bad this time.”
Fujishiro said it with her chest puffed out, full of confidence.
Was that true? I looked at her skeptically, but it seemed wasteful to leave it uneaten after she’d made it, so I peeled back the plastic wrap.
Underneath was a rice ball wrapped snugly in seaweed.
Just by appearance, it wasn’t bad at all.
Though her salt rice balls hadn’t looked bad either, back then.
Remembering that trauma, I brought the rice ball to my mouth carefully, bracing myself.
A faint scent of seaweed spread through my mouth, along with a well-judged amount of salt.
The shock of it made me take a second bite without meaning to. This time a salmon-pink filling appeared, and combined with the sweetness of the rice, it tasted properly, genuinely good.
“Did you buy this?”
“You have no tact at all. I properly made it.”
“Fujishiro did?”
“Yeah.”
“I see.”
Fujishiro had become someone who could make a proper rice ball.
Things like that really do happen, apparently.
At least this meant I wouldn’t get a stomach ache.
And yet, somehow, that felt a little lonely too.
Why did I feel lonely about that?
Surely it’s obviously better not to get a stomach ache from eating a rice ball.
And yet, I hadn’t disliked that clumsy salt rice ball, the one that showed just how unskilled she used to be.
Fujishiro had grown skilled without my noticing.
Since when?
Even after spending so much time with her, there’s still more I don’t understand.
There was no point dwelling on it, so I just kept bringing the rice ball to my mouth.
“There’s one more.”
“Eh?”
“Here.”
Fujishiro placed another rice ball into my hand. I stared at it for a moment, then quickly peeled back the wrap and put it in my mouth.
This one had a slightly sour taste.
Looking inside, a red pickled plum appeared.
The rice balls kept disappearing into my mouth, one after another.
“They’re good…”
“I’m glad.”
Fujishiro smiled, bright as sunlight.
Somewhere around my stomach, a warmth spread, as if it were happy too.