Episode 11: Someday, it might come in handy

“…Hey, Yui-san, shall we watch something else after all?”

“Eh? It’s only been on for twenty minutes.”

The sound emanating from the enormous projector and surround speakers was just like a cinema, heightening the terror.

　A July night, with exams looming.

In the dimly lit living room, the air conditioning blasting, wrapped in a blanket, I’d somehow ended up watching a horror film with Yui-san, who insisted summer meant horror, no matter what.

Having made my spot firmly between Yui-san’s legs, I squeezed the hand loosely around my waist tightly.

“Squeeze me properly.”

“You’re such a little clingy thing, aren’t you? Cute.”

“I’m not being clingy, I’m scared. I might remember it when I try to sleep.”

“Well then, shall we sleep together?”

“…Only if you’ll sleep on the futon on the floor.”

“Why? Let’s sleep in the same bed.”

“…No. You’ll do something naughty.”

“I won’t. I don’t want to get splashed with water again.”

　When I pinched her hand hard, Yui-san laughed and tightened her embrace just a little.

Watching films together in the weekend is becoming a habit. Or rather, I’m just piggybacking on Yui-san’s hobby. Dragged along by her, who seems utterly unmotivated to study despite exams being imminent, I’ve ended up curled up between her legs again today. Still, I reckon just two hours should be permissible.

“Yui, when do you actually study?”

“Huh? I go to uni properly, don’t I?”

“Not that. I mean exam revision.”

“Ah, I read the textbook before bed. About thirty minutes.”

“Just read it?”

“Yeah.”

I see. Yui’s the efficient type. Hanging around with her would be hell. That explains why Ritsu was studying alone in the library.

　Perhaps I shouldn’t be watching films with her either. After this film, I firmly resolved to study properly.

“Once exams are over and summer holidays start, let’s go to the aquarium as promised, alright?”

“Please take me early. My parents have told me I have to return to England during the summer holidays.”

　Even though it’s my first long holiday since starting uni, my parents are such worriers. It meant I couldn’t work part-time during that time either, and it was a shame I couldn’t enjoy Japan’s events after so long, but as long as they’re sending me money, I have to listen to them.

When I told the boss, he readily agreed, but I felt bad about leaving a gap in the shifts. I’d have to apologise to Hayakawa-kun and Amasaki-san beforehand too.

“When are you planning to go back?”

“As soon as August starts. …So take me there soon.”

When I said it almost pleadingly, she took my hand and gently held it. Her long fingers intertwined with mine. Her smooth, rounded nails were painted a deep burgundy, making me wonder just how many nail polish colours she owned.

I’d assumed she was watching the film while talking, but when I turned my head back slightly, our eyes met with a click.

　Closer than I’d thought, within easy kissing distance, I gasped.

“…Are you actually watching the film?”

“I am.”

“…Then why are you looking at me…”

“I thought I’d be lonely being apart from you for a whole month.”

Hearing it stated so directly, the film’s content completely slipped my mind. I was thinking the same thing.

　Worried my face might be red, I looked down. Then, soft against my ear came a soft, wet kiss.

“Hyah!”

Realising I’d been kissed, my body stiffened in shock and reflex. Hastily covering my ear, I turned around. Yui-san gave me a wry smile, the look saying she’d done it.

“Sorry, did you mind? You were blushing, it was cute, so I just…”

Seeing Yui-san looking troubled, I realised she was still bothered about that kiss the other day.

In the end, I didn’t tell Yui-san why I’d been angry. There was no way I could say it. That I was angry because she kissed me while her body still carried the lingering scent of another woman.

　If I did, she’d be too clever for her own good. She’d definitely tease me about it.

Like, “So, if it didn’t smell like another woman, you wouldn’t have minded the kiss?”

“It’s not that I… dislike it.”

“…Oh, I see. That’s good.”

Suddenly feeling embarrassed, I looked down. As I shifted my weight sharply backwards, Yui-san’s arm wrapped around my waist again, as if relieved.

“…Kanata, your ears are sensitive, aren’t they? I’ll remember that.”

I could feel my body growing hot with embarrassment. No one had ever pointed that out before, and I hadn’t even realised it myself.

“You don’t need to remember such trivial things…”

“Eh? It’s not trivial.”

　Her lips pressed softly against my ear. My spine tingled again. Having just said I didn’t mind, I couldn’t refuse and simply closed my eyes tightly.

She held me tight, pinning my body that tried to pull away, and whispered in a teasing tone.

“…It might come in handy someday.”

“Useful for what…?”

By then, I’d grasped what Yui-san meant, and scrambled to escape her grasp.

Her arms released me easily, so I stood up and put some distance between us. Then came Yui-san’s laugh, ahaha. I realised I’d been teased again.

“Honestly, Yui-san, is your mind only ever on dirty things!?”

“Your face is bright red, you’re adorable.”

“I haven’t even watched the film properly!”

“I wanted to see you scared. I’m satisfied now, so it’s fine.”

Despite me pleading for her to stop the film, Yui-san had refused. Now, she turned it off without a second thought.

“Come on, come here. We’ll be apart in a month, so let me enjoy you a little longer.”

　Yui said, spreading her arms wide on the sofa and smiling. I gave in, drawn into her embrace as if sucked in.

Her arms wrapped around my waist, our bodies pressed together. It felt good, as expected.

Kindness is sweetness. This sweetness is addictive. Once you know it, you can’t easily let go. She really is a sly one.

When it’s just the two of us, she probably acts like this with any woman. I’m not special.

　I imagine it. If Yui-san were serious, she’d surely just collapse on top of a woman like an avalanche.

Knowing someone this beautiful could feel desire for a woman, it wouldn’t be strange if people who aren’t homosexual wanted to be held by her.

Because I’m “not her type”. I know the kisses, the hugs – it’s all her playfulness, not a genuine attempt to seduce me.

　And that should be fine. Because I’m not gay. I like kind Yui-san, but it’s not romantic feelings.

Me liking a woman? That… couldn’t possibly happen.

“What’s wrong? You look troubled.”

Had my brow been furrowed? She gently pressed her finger against it and shook her head.

“I was thinking about the exam. Hey, Yui, would you teach me? Since we’re in the same faculty, after all.”

“…Can’t you just read the textbook?”

“Usually, that alone isn’t enough to understand it, which is why we sit at our desks and study. Please? Teach me every day until the exam.”

“Eh? Study every day?”

“Just answering the parts I don’t understand is fine.”

Yui-san is weak when it comes to begging. I felt relieved that she reluctantly agreed, sighing, “Oh well, I suppose I have no choice.”

This means Yui-san will be at home until the exam period. No more coming home in the morning, no more my heart being unsettled by the lingering scent of other women.

“Ah, but I might be late tomorrow because of a dinner meeting.”

“Is it with your father?”

“Hmm, yeah, that’s right. My dad and some people from work.”

I’d thought it before, but she seemed a bit reluctant. She didn’t seem to dislike her dad from her usual tone, so then…

“Do you dislike the people from work?”

I meant it casually, but Yui’s eyes widened.

“…Does it show?”

“Does it not?”

“No, it’s not that I dislike them… I just don’t feel like it. If it was just Dad, it’d be fine. It’s just… I have to be so careful around them, and it’s exhausting.”

There must be all sorts of reasons. Yui-san is still a student, but she’s joining the company soon, and having her father as the president must be tough.

“That must be difficult.”

“…Kanata, you really do observe me, don’t you?”

“Eh?”

My spine stiffened. What did she mean? I felt a twinge of anxiety, wondering if I’d overstepped.

“I didn’t think I was showing it, but I guess I gave away that I was annoyed.”

“…Well, Yui-san, you’re hard to read. It’s often difficult to tell what you’re thinking.”

“You’re easy to read, Kanata. Though sometimes you’re a bit complicated.”

I frowned. Complicated… what exactly did that mean?

“…Anyway, I’m just a troublesome woman you dislike, aren’t I?”

“I didn’t say I disliked you, did I?　Honestly, if I were to have a girlfriend, I’d find someone as easy to read as Kanata rather cute.”

Staring straight into my eyes and saying it so bluntly, I’m taken aback.

“…You’re not even planning on getting a girlfriend.”

“True. That’s why, if I’m going to hang out with someone, I want someone ‘not troublesome’. That’s all.”

Why say something like that? My heart pounds wildly. I want to ask.

“So, Yui-san…”

“Hmm?”

“Seriously, could you… take me?”

I’d braced myself to say it, but instead of answering, her arms tightened around my waist, pulling me close. Her face drew near, and when Yui-san lowered her eyes, I realised she was about to kiss me. Panicking, I pushed her away with my palm.

“…What’s this hand doing?”

She glared at me resentfully through my palm, making me feel like my face was going to burst into flames.

I had admitted I didn’t dislike it, and right now, all I could smell was Yui-san. There was absolutely no reason to refuse, yet alarm bells were ringing in my head. If I gave in now, it would be bad.

When I removed the hand pressing against her mouth, Yui-san looked somewhat displeased.

“B-but you suddenly tried to kiss me…”

“I thought you were inviting me. Wasn’t that it?”

“I wasn’t inviting you! I was just checking!”

“Eh? That’s awful. To toy with me like that.”

“…So, what do you think?”

I wanted an answer, so I stared intently into her eyes. I wanted to know if I truly held any appeal for her.

　Yui already knew I’d split with my ex over sex, and I’d told her I couldn’t feel pleasure.

Even so, could she still take me? Even a dull woman with no sensation?

As if reading my anxiety, Yui suddenly gave a soft smile.

“Well, I wonder. You won’t know until you try, will you? May I try?”

Deep within those dark eyes—she was smiling. Ah, I understood I was being mocked again.

“…Yui, you’re always mocking me.”

“So, if I said I could take you, would you let me? You don’t strike me as the type to sleep casually with someone you’re not dating.”

That’s about right, I suppose. To begin with, I’ve never once thought to myself that I wanted sex when dating someone of the opposite sex, so I don’t feel any particular need to deliberately form a purely physical relationship.
If we were actually dating, that might be one thing, but enduring pain for someone I’m not even seeing? Impossible.

Seeing me fall silent, Yui-san smiled and said,

“See? Who’s the one being sarcastic?”

I think I wanted Yui-san to say she could embrace me. But it was just something I wanted to hear; I’m not prepared to do that sort of thing with Yui-san right now.
It still scares me. Regardless of gender, I think I’d just end up disappointing them. I lack confidence. The feeling of not wanting to be let down is far stronger.

　I suppose Yui-san understood all that. Her answer must have been — that she couldn’t embrace me.

Those mischievous eyes fixed on me. It must be the summer, I thought. The summer heat must be making me stupid.

And summer has only just begun.