Episode Four: Can I Stay? ―August 2032―
“I was trying to act as usual in front of the pupils… but if I seemed down, then I’m a failure as a teacher.”
The teacher wore a wry smile.
“I hear Hisako-san is retiring at the end of March next year and moving to Nagasaki, where her husband’s family home is. It won’t be a distance where we can meet casually.”
“Really? That doesn’t sound so bad! Wait, let me check… See? It’s less than two hours by plane! And with a budget airline, it’s only about ten thousand yen! That’s close!”
Even though she couldn’t possibly see it while driving, I desperately tried to show the teacher my phone screen.
“…I never expected to be so shocked just because my mentor is getting married and moving somewhere I can’t visit easily…”
Seeing my teacher so upset surprised me, and at the same time, a feeling of ‘jealousy’ – something I’d only just learned about recently – and other vague emotions welled up inside me.
“…Hisako-san really is a very important person to you, isn’t she?”
“Yes. Back in high school, when I couldn’t make friends, Hisako-sensei would always talk to me… She was a remarkable person. She made talking enjoyable and reassuring, yet also broadened my horizons. No one else in my life has ever given me that kind of experience.”
…For you, Hisako-san really was someone special. It should have been a lovely story, yet somehow my chest pricked with pain.
“So that’s why you became interested in teaching? Come to think of it, during the extra lessons, you mentioned admiring your mentor and becoming a teacher because of them.”
“Yes. I originally chose the science stream. I was poor at Japanese, and modern Japanese literature was always the subject that dragged my grades down… but I switched to the humanities stream because I admired Hisako-san and wanted to become a Japanese teacher myself.”
Hisako-san occupies a large part of the teacher’s emotional landscape. She has always been the only person to have truly influenced her.
—Yet to you, I’m just one of many students.
She clenched the hands resting on her lap.
“…Could it be that the person you’ve always had a crush on is Hisako-san?”
It was meant as a joke born of mild jealousy. And yet… she felt the teacher’s breath catch.
“…No. That’s impossible. It couldn’t be, two women like that.”
The teacher’s expression was as usual, making it hard to tell what they were thinking.
“Well, yeah, I suppose so. But, you know, Hisako-san is special to you, right? So it’s only natural to be shocked or shaken up. So, when it gets tough, lean on someone. I can at least listen, if you want.”
It was just as the car stopped at the traffic lights.
The teacher’s eyes turned towards me. Caught off guard, my heart leapt.
“Thank you. I think it’s wonderful how you can speak with such consideration for others, Uehara-san.”
“Oh, you’re exaggerating. Ah, is this what they call ‘praise-based education’? Come on, you don’t have to be ‘Sensei’ even at times like this.”
“No, it’s something I find difficult myself, so I genuinely admire it. Regardless of age or whether you’re a student, I even feel a sense of longing towards it.”
The teacher called it “speaking with consideration for others,” but for me – someone who’d spent my life reading the expressions of those around me, starting with Mum – it was nothing more than a self-preservation skill I’d picked up unconsciously, to avoid being blamed or causing others grief.
So for me up until now, being told I ‘read the room’ or ‘consider others’ wasn’t a compliment at all. It felt like someone was innocently pointing out parts of me I didn’t like.
And yet… why?
Why is my face burning right now?
“This is kind of… embarrassing.”
“Please take it at face value. More importantly, I’m terribly sorry for causing you worry today. I’ve talked enough now, I’m fine. We seem to be near your home, Uehara-san. Could you show me the way?”
I felt inexplicably sad that our time alone together was ending.
I didn’t want it to end yet. I wanted it to continue.
“Ah, um, Sensei…”
With no music or radio playing, silence would fall in the car unless one of us spoke.
My throat felt dry. Words welling up deep in my chest caught in my throat. My heartbeat quickened, and my palms grew slightly sweaty.
I was incredibly nervous. Just imagining being refused when I asked what I was about to ask made my body tremble.
“Hey, Sensei. Could I stay at your place tonight?”
Even so, I didn’t want to seem nervous, so I made sure my voice didn’t tremble.
I wanted to know the name of this feeling I’d never experienced before. To do that, I needed to be with her more. I wanted to talk to her more.
“Of course not.”
As expected, she refused. But I’d mustered all my courage to get this far. I wasn’t about to back down easily now.
“Remember how I said before that I don’t really understand what it means to like someone? You said you’d listen to me about everything, didn’t you? I promise I won’t tell anyone if I go to your house!”
“You mean you have something you wish to discuss? In that case, we needn’t stay at my house. We could talk about it next time at school…”
“I can’t talk about it anywhere but your house tonight!”
I forced myself to cover up my own nonsensical reasoning by layering it over the teacher’s words.
“No. For starters, your parents…”
“Dad’s not here. Mum’s not home at night either, so I’m always alone, it’s fine!”
I dislike being meddled with. So, though I’d only meant those words as persuasive ammunition, the teacher fell silent.
However slow-witted the teacher might be, I’m sure they realised from our exchange that my home situation isn’t exactly ordinary.
I hate being pitied. But I found myself thinking it might be okay if the teacher conveniently misunderstood.
“…Could it be, Uehara-san, that you feel lonely being alone at night?”
“That way of getting straight to the point is so typical of you, Sensei.”
The teacher was probably troubled now. …A faint glimmer of hope appeared. Maybe one more push.
“Please, Sensei. It’s fine, we’re both girls. As a kind teacher, I’d like you to listen to a troubled student’s concerns.”
I’ve already figured out Sensei is weak to the phrase “as a teacher”.
“If I don’t listen tonight, could it affect your studies?”
“Yeah. Might not be able to concentrate on my work…”
Not that it really would, but I exaggerated a bit.
“…All right. Just tonight. We’ll go straight to my place. Is that alright?”
“Yes! Thank you, teacher!”
Getting her consent made my tension melt away instantly. I could feel the adrenaline draining from my body. Never before had I felt this excited about staying at someone’s house.
“I’m so glad you’re a woman, Sensei. If you were a man, I’d never go to your house. You’d get arrested for bringing an underage female student home, wouldn’t you?”
I felt a twinge of unease as the words left my mouth. Right, we’re both women. There’s absolutely nothing we need to worry about like that between male/female teachers and students. Absolutely nothing.
“Yes… I suppose it is rather fortunate that I am a woman.”
Her profile bore a solemnity that seemed out of place with our light-hearted exchange. But I, utterly giddy with excitement, paid it no mind.
Yes, my mind was entirely occupied with what lay ahead.
Gazing out the car window at unfamiliar roads, unfamiliar towns, as I prepared to plunge into this unknown world, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was about to cross a line unlike any I’d ever crossed before.