Episode 42: Autumn Breeze (1)

Even after the summer holidays ended, my study sessions with Endo-san continued.

However, with the third-years having retired from the basketball club, Endo-san seems to have become busier with club activities, so we’re lucky if we can meet twice a week. That sort of distance is just right for us.

Lately, the things I ask Endo-san to do are things like massaging my shoulders or waking me up after a nap.

　There are days when we study in the library, but we’ve started studying at Endo’s house more often. It’s easier to concentrate there as there’s no one else around.

That said, I don’t do things like kissing her, biting her, or making her lick my fingers anymore. That gets us too close, and I end up deluding myself into thinking she’s something precious to me.

I won’t create anything precious.

That’s a decision I’ve made.

　Whenever I pass Endo-san in the school corridor, I find myself unconsciously checking her expression.

Sure enough, Endo-san is getting by with a forced smile. Part of me feels relieved to see her like that.

Endo-san looks a bit thinner… I wonder if she’s eating properly.

Perhaps because I was staring too intently, our eyes met, so I quickly looked away.

‘Hoshizora, aren’t you staring at Hina a bit too much?’
‘Not at all.’
‘Oh, right, right. It’s already November, isn’t it? Time flies. Next year we’ll be sitting our entrance exams, it’s a bit of a drag, isn’t it?’

That’s right, we’ve got our entrance exams coming up next year.
I’ve decided which university I’m going to.
It’s not as prestigious as the one my older sister went to, but it’s the sort of place you can’t get into without decent grades, and as it’s outside the prefecture, I’ll be living on my own.

As for the faculty—

　If I want to win back my parents’ expectations, it has to be medical school.

But I don’t actually want to be a doctor.

So, what do I want to do?

I don’t have anything I want to do.

It’s just that, since I started tutoring Endo-san, I’ve learnt the joy of teaching. I’ve realised that I love watching the things I teach become part of someone’s knowledge — seeing them grow.

I can’t tell my parents I want to go to the Faculty of Education.

　If I told them I wanted to go to the Faculty of Education, they’d probably stop sending me money. I reckon living on my own without any financial support would be pretty tough.

But if I go to medical school, which I don’t want to do, my life won’t be any different from how it is now, will it?

Sigh… I don’t want to think about it.

Lately, whenever I get fed up with thinking things over, I’ve started immersing myself in sewing. I’ve been practising ever since my sister taught me in the summer, so I think I’ve improved quite a bit.

　And the other day, I embroidered a Labrador and it turned out rather well. I used light gold embroidery thread on a pale pink handkerchief I’d bought in a shop.

Endo-san really does look like a large dog.

It’s not as if I made it specifically to give to Endo-san, but since keeping it myself would just make me think of her, I thought the best thing to do was to foist this handkerchief on her.

　Today is my study day with Endo-san.

As it’s Mai’s birthday this month, the deal is that she’ll accompany me shopping today in exchange for me tutoring her. And once the shopping is done, I’ll give her a lesson.

Mai’s happy with whatever I buy her, so it’s actually quite difficult to know what to get her; that’s why I decided to ask Endo-san for help.

Endo-san follows quietly beside me.

　As we looked around the shopping centre together, I noticed Endo-san was looking at pencil cases in a stationery shop.

‘Do you want that?’
‘Hmm. I’ve broken my pencil case recently, so I’ve been thinking I need to buy a new one. I was just looking at that one with the black cat on it because I thought it was really cute. Shall we have a look for Mai’s birthday present here?’

Endo-san said that and started looking around the shop.

　Endo-san chose a cute scented lip balm for Mai, thinking she’d love it. Endo-san really does have great taste, so I’m glad I asked her to come shopping with me.

After paying, I called out to Endo-san, who was waiting outside.

“When’s your birthday, Endo-san?”
“September.”

It’s already passed.
Well then, I suppose I can give it to her now.

“Here, this is for you.”
“Eh—?”
“I won’t give it to you if you don’t want it.”
“No, I do want it! It was so sudden I was taken aback… Can I open it?”
“Yes.”

I don’t know what Endo-san actually wants.
But she did say the pencil case we were looking at earlier was cute, so I reckon that’ll be fine, and well, the handkerchief is just a bonus, so it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like it.

“Is this the one from earlier…? And the handkerchief? It looks a bit like the yellow one Takizawa gave me before, doesn’t it?”
“My big sister taught me how to embroider, so I had a go at making it. I practised, but it’s not cute at all, so if you don’t want it, you can just throw it away.”
“I definitely won’t throw it away, I’ll treasure it.”

Saying that, Endo-san clutched the handkerchief tightly.

‘When’s Takizawa’s birthday?’
‘I’m not telling you. I don’t want any thanks or anything.’
‘Then why did you give it to me?’
‘Just on a whim.’

It really was just a spur-of-the-moment whim.
If I had to say, I suppose I thought of it as a small token of thanks for always treating me to delicious meals.

“You’ve got your university entrance exams next year, so it’ll come in handy, won’t it?”
“Uh, yeah…”

Endo-san looked terribly flustered.
It was amusing in its own way, so I thought, ‘Oh well,’ but I’d have liked to see her smile. We arrived at Endo-san’s house and started studying.

＊＊＊

Ever since we started studying at Endo-san’s house, she’s been acting strangely restless for some reason. I feel like she keeps glancing over at me.

‘Takizawa, are you busy in December?’
‘Do you think I’ll be busy?’

Endo-san is being mean. I’m not in any clubs and I don’t have many friends, so there’s no way I’d have plans like that, yet she brings it up.

‘—Do you have plans for the 24th or anything?’
‘No, I don’t.’

I answered straight away because I didn’t, but I regretted it as soon as I’d said it.

　It’s not that I’m interested in events or anything; it’s not as if I’d do anything special just because it’s that day.

It’s just that I don’t want to spend that sort of day with Endo.

When I’m with Endo, even an ordinary day turns into something special. That’s why I’ve been avoiding such things, but this makes it all pointless.

I said it myself, so there’s no helping it, but if there were a time machine, I’d hop on it right now and go back five minutes.

　Endo-san looked all smiles, clearly delighted.

‘I’ll cook loads of delicious food,’

she said, before going back to her studies.

I’d completely messed up.
It’s too late to say I can’t do it now. With yet another worry to add to the pile, the study session for the day came to an end.