Episode 7: One Step at a Time, Nice and Slow.
“Ugh… my head…”
A dull, heavy throb. The faint aftertaste of alcohol. And one more thing —
the warm, soft smell of an unfamiliar futon.
(…oh, right. I…)
Yesterday’s memories surfacing, slowly. The bed. The futon. That voice. That closeness.
I was just about to cover my face with both hands when —
“Mio-chan~, you up~? You’re gonna be late if you don’t get moving~”
A cheerfully unbothered voice drifting from the kitchen.
I turned, and Riwa-san was standing at the stove with a spatula, smiling.
“G-good morning…”
“Morning~, you look half asleep. Does your head hurt? You want some water? Cold?”
She was acting like nothing had happened last night.
(Wait, what — ? Does she not remember? No, that can’t be…)
“I’ve only got ham and eggs, but you want some? No rice, so bread okay?”
“Oh — yes, thank you…”
A plate clinked down on the table.
The ham was slightly overdone at the edges. The egg, soft-boiled.
(…huh. She’s actually more together than I thought.)
And then.
“You’re heading home first, right, Mio-chan?”
“Oh, yeah — to change clothes…”
“Your underwear’s probably… in a bit of a state, huh~?”
“What?! Wh — that’s not — it’s the clothes, the clothes I meant — !”
My voice cracked. Riwa-san grinned.
“Oh really~? Because Mio-chan was pretty… cute in the middle of the night~?”
“That — was — ! Wait, do you — remember?”
“Of course I do? I wasn’t that drunk~”
My mouth fell open.
So then what was this whole breezy-casual routine about? What is that? What does that mean?
Is this just — Riwa-san’s normal?!
“…Um, I — did I do something weird…”
“You were a bit weird, yeah~. You kept going ‘no’ with your mouth but your face was saying ‘more~’?”
“Please stop — !”
“Ha, but I did stop properly, right? I’m good about that kind of thing.”
“I mean, you stopped because I finished, not because — “
My fingers shook as I tore at my bread, eating in fits and starts.
(I want to ask. But I can’t.)
(What do you think about last night?)
There was no way I was brave enough for that.
What if the answer was nothing, really?
That was the thought in my head when —
“Hey, Mio-chan. Did you not like it? Last night?”
Riwa-san lobbed the bomb herself.
“Last night… meaning… um, the… being touched… if that’s what we’re calling it…”
I was still fumbling for words when she continued, completely unabashed.
“What?! Why are you talking like that? And that’s all that happened, right. That whole ‘attacking Mio-chan in the middle of the night’ thing~”
The nerve of this person to just say it straight out like that…
“…No, it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s…”
“Oh thank god~, I was so worried you’d hate me~”
I almost pointed out that a person who does things like this doesn’t get to be that sensitive about it, but —
“I just thought… I was probably just something to play with.”
I said it quietly.
Riwa-san’s expression went blank.
(…huh?)
A second later, a sharp, serious gaze cut straight into me.
“…Mio-chan. Come on — I wouldn’t go that far with someone just to mess around.”
(…what?)
(It’s not — messing around?)
“B-but you said you’d go after anyone…”
“Huh? Where did you clip that from~?”
She frowned slightly, a little put out, and shrugged.
“I said I’ll go after anyone I’m into, right? The ‘into’ part is kind of the whole point~♡”
“You did say that! Last night! You definitely did!”
“Aw, maybe it was a little hard to follow for someone with no experience~! Sorry about that♡”
“So wait — into — does that mean — I — wait, me?”
“Heh heh, not telling~♡”
She smiled that smile, and I had no idea what to do with any of it.
(Not messing around… and she was into me…?)
(Me… she’s talking about me…??)
My heart had been loud this whole time, and it wasn’t stopping.
◇◆◇◆◇
We left Riwa-san’s apartment in a silence that was — well, I was the silent one.
An earlier hour than usual.
She was heading to work.
I was going home first.
“Hmm~, it’s a bit cold out~”
Riwa-san looped her arm through mine as we walked, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
…Why?
My left arm, locked with hers, burned like a scald.
We were walking side by side and I had no idea what the distance between us actually was.
I couldn’t tell what any of it meant yet — what was real, what wasn’t.
I kept watching the pavement.
“Hey~, Mio-chan.”
My name, suddenly. I still didn’t look up.
“How come you didn’t make a move on me last night?”
She said it the way you’d think out loud about what to have for dinner.
Something cold closed around my heart.
“Wh — hey, we’re outside, Riwa-san — !”
When I finally looked up, she was looking straight at me.
Smiling, but somehow serious.
“Like, normally, when things get to that point, you’d at least… wouldn’t you?”
“I wouldn’t?! And things don’t normally get to that point — !”
“Come on~. When someone invites you like that, normally you’d touch them a bit, right? And like — if you don’t push someone away, that means yes, doesn’t it?”
“Wh — what kind of rule is that?! Whose standard is that?!”
“Mine~♡”
She laughed, easy as anything, and I dropped my eyes back to the ground.
“…I just — I need things to go in the right order. I don’t really — I can’t figure out that kind of thing unless there’s a proper sequence.”
“A sequence~?”
Riwa-san tilted her head like she didn’t know what I meant.
“…Oh, I see. So what you’re saying is — do things in the right order first, then touch me?”
“Th — that’s not — I mean — ugh~…!”
My face was on fire. I must have looked terrible right now.
“Aww, you’re bright red~♡ You’re so cute, Mio-chan.”
But her voice was different from the teasing it had been yesterday.
“…So — if it was for real — would it be okay to take it properly slow?”
Somehow it sounded genuinely tender.
The look in her eyes took my breath away.
(…for real.)
That was the word I’d been waiting to hear.
And now it was right in front of me, and I was too scared to take it, and my throat made a small, tight sound.
I want to believe her. But I don’t want to get hurt.
Fear and embarrassment tangled together, and my lips trembled.
“…Th-there’s an order to things — an order — !”
Almost a wail, just repeating it, and Riwa-san said —
“Okay.”
A quiet voice.
Not exasperated. Not teasing. Just — straight, and clear.
“Then let’s build up to it. Nice and slow, one step at a time.”
(— oh.)
She didn’t laugh.
She didn’t push me away and call it too much trouble. She just said okay, and held it.
She was coming down to where I was.
This person who’d seemed so chaotic and free — she was stepping down to meet me where I stood.
Why. When.
How did it ever get to this, with someone like me.
But if I let go of this hand, right now —
I know I’ll never be beside her again.
That feeling alone was unnervingly certain.
I was scared.
But more than that —
◇◆◇◆◇
The station announcement rang out, just then.
The train was almost here.
This time was ending.
I made myself look up.
Summoned the courage to meet her eyes, straight on.
“…Um.”
The voice that came out was thin, and trembling, and honestly embarrassing.
“…P-please — take care of me.”
Gently, I placed my right hand over her left.
“Leave it to me.”
Riwa-san smiled, soft and warm.
“Oh, are we gonna be late? Run, Mio-chan — !”
“Wait, wait — I’m still tired, you know — !”
The two of us sprinted up the station stairs together.
The gap between our backs, I think, was a little smaller than yesterday.