Episode Twenty-Seven: I’d Hate Being Compared
Camped in my usual spot between Yui-san’s legs on the sofa, I stared down the travel site on the tablet, locked in a small battle of wills with it.
Yui-san, meanwhile, just rested her chin on my shoulder from behind, watching quietly, offering absolutely no opinions at all.
Scrolling back and forth, hunting for autumn travel spots, I couldn’t land on anything, and finally, out of patience, turned back to her.
“Hey, Yui-san, is there anywhere you want to go?”
“Wherever you want to go, Kanata.”
“It’s your travel voucher, Yui-san, so let’s go wherever you want.”
“Hmm, but if we’re finally traveling together, I’d rather go somewhere that makes you happy.”
Told that, I didn’t know what to do with it. The voucher was Yukiya-san’s gift to her, after all.
I tried to think of somewhere Yui-san might actually enjoy.
Since we’re making the trip anyway, it’d be nice to pick somewhere that felt seasonal. Our first trip together — somewhere relaxing, somewhere memorable.
“…Well, since it’s autumn, maybe somewhere with pretty fall foliage?”
“Ah, how about Hakone, then?”
Yui-san stretched the arm that had been looped around my stomach and swiped smoothly across the tablet.
“Peak foliage is late November, apparently. Perfect timing.”
Hakone, huh… I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been to a hot spring. It’s been getting a little chilly lately too — an open-air bath would probably feel amazing.
“…Sounds nice. A hot spring.”
“Then it’s decided. Let’s find a place to stay right away. We’ll go in together, okay?”
I nodded, without thinking too hard about it, before jolting and spinning back around to look at her.
Why hadn’t that occurred to me sooner. Of course going to a hot spring together meant she’d say “let’s go in together” — it was obvious.
Flustered, I shook my head hard, side to side.
“N-no. We’re not going in together.”
“Eh, why not?”
Asked in a faintly displeased voice, held under her steady gaze, I couldn’t bear it and looked away.
“I mean… it’s embarrassing.”
I muttered it, pouting just slightly. She could probably already guess the reason without even needing to ask.
“Even though we’re both women? Still not allowed?”
Both being women isn’t really the reason. I’d be fine going in with Yuuri or Ritsu-san. But Yui-san is different.
We’ve kissed plenty of times, and she’s even pushed me down onto the bed once — telling myself not to be self-conscious around her would be asking the impossible.
Hesitant to answer, I heard “Kanata,” pressing for a reason, and felt myself pulled into a tighter hug at the same time, and, resigned, I gave in.
“…You’ve probably seen tons of different women naked, Yui-san. I’d hate being compared.”
I don’t know how many women Yui-san’s spent nights with, up to now.
But having my not-especially-large, entirely ordinary chest, my body without much of anything resembling a striking figure, looked at — that’s embarrassing.
Whatever, forget it, I said, sulking, and I could tell Yui-san was laughing, soft.
“…Why are you laughing?”
“I wouldn’t compare you to anyone. You’re actually worried about that? Cute, Kanata.”
“…Never mind, no hot spring after all.”
At that, Yui-san laughed out loud. Sorry, sorry, don’t sulk, she said, shaking me gently where I was held, but I ignored her and turned away. Being teased this obviously wasn’t fun.
“Then let’s just go in at different times? I’ll book somewhere with a private bath in the room too. How’s that?”
“Mm, if it’s that, then…”
“Too bad we can’t go in together, but I’ll just save that pleasure for the right moment.”
The right moment — I’ve just told her I don’t want to be seen naked, and here she is, talking like she’s already certain “that moment” is coming, and my face went hot with embarrassment.
I pinched the hand still wrapped around my stomach, in protest.
“…You pervert, Yui-san.”
“Bit late to point that out, isn’t it.”
Bit late, huh. Fair enough — since she’s always so gentle, it’s easy to forget, but underneath that beautiful face, all Yui-san’s thinking about, apparently, is doing indecent things with girls. I’d completely let that slip my mind.
Anyway, since my request had gone through, I went to slide my finger back to the tablet to research Hakone properly, when a notification chimed from my pocket.
Who’d be messaging at this hour?
Curious, I pulled out my phone, and a message had come in on the chat app: What are you up to right now?
A familiar icon.
“…Oh, it’s just Hayakawa-kun.”
I’d learned by now that replying with just nothing much would inevitably be followed by can I call you?, so I texted back that I was making travel plans with Yui-san instead.
Right, now let’s get back to researching Hakone, I thought, going to close my phone — only for a hand to snap out from behind and grab it.
“Do you two talk on the phone often?”
“Huh?”
“Thirty minutes, this call.”
I had no idea what she meant at first, and then realized — the chat app’s screen still showed the record of our last call, and Yui-san must have noticed it.
“No, that was mostly just Hayakawa-kun talking, I barely…”
“Hmm…”
I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and yet, pointed out like this, it felt strangely awkward all the same.
“…Is it a problem?”
“Not a problem, but… if you’re not interested in him, do you really need to keep humoring his calls?”
That’s a fair point, I thought.
Hayakawa-kun calling like this was a fairly recent development, probably partly because our shifts hadn’t been overlapping much lately.
I’ve gone on and on calling Yui-san “unfaithful,” and yet I can’t say I feel entirely clean about doing something not so different myself.
“…You’re one to talk, Yui-san. Girls call you constantly too.”
Aware of my own hypocrisy, I said it half-accusing anyway, unable to help myself, and Yui-san laughed.
“I don’t stay on long calls, though.”
“Then why do they even call you?”
“Mostly just invites to go drinking.”
Liar. I bit back the urge to point out she’s not being invited drinking, she’s being invited over.
I know the reason Yui-san’s stopped going out as often lately is because I told her I didn’t want her to go.
Of course, it’s not like the nights out have stopped entirely, and there are still nights I catch myself wondering, suspicious, whether she’s been with some girl.
I try, as much as I can, not to think about it. If I ever actually confirmed it was true, I don’t have any confidence I wouldn’t come away hurt.
“…Before I moved in, did you used to invite girls back to the house?”
“No way. You and Ritsu are the only ones who’ve ever set foot in this place.”
Learning that, it struck me as strange, a little late to be wondering.
“…Actually, now that I think about it, why did you even agree to the roommate arrangement in the first place, Yui-san?”
It was a simple question. She’s never someone who lets people close, into her space — so why had she agreed to share a home with someone she’d never even met?
“Because you’re the daughter of someone my dad owed a lot to. No reason to say no.”
I see. So it’s thanks to whatever my father did, long ago, that things ended up this way. I really should thank him properly.
“But honestly, at first I wondered what I’d gotten myself into. I figured you’d find out I was gay sooner or later, but it happened a lot faster than I expected.”
That’s probably because Yui-san was playing around so flagrantly, though.
“…At first you told me you weren’t the type to make a move on just anyone. That turned out to be a lie too, didn’t it.”
Pointing that out, Yui-san laughed, deflecting. Somewhere along the way, so much has already been taken from me by Yui-san.
And honestly, I’m a little startled at myself, for how easily I’ve let all of it happen.
Back when we first started living together, I never would have imagined the distance between us closing this much.
“That’s because you’re too cute, Kanata. Can’t be helped.”
“My fault?”
“Yeah, your fault.”
I’m absolutely convinced it’s Yui-san’s fault, personally. I know blaming each other back and forth won’t get us anywhere, but I can’t help holding her responsible too.
You’re the one who’s this appealing, that’s the problem — not something I could ever bring myself to say out loud.
“I can’t go back to a life without you anymore, Kanata.”
A gentle kiss pressed to my cheek, and I let myself accept it. I’ve gotten far too used, myself, to spending every day wrapped in her arms — I genuinely don’t think I could go back to living alone anymore either.
“Then, want to come back to England with me at year’s end? I’ll show you around London.”
I leaned my full weight back against her, and Yui-san laughed.
“That’s just because you don’t want to fly home alone, isn’t it. You said the flight’s boring and awful.”
Caught, I stuck my tongue out.
“Let’s forget about going home for now and just plan Hakone, okay? I want to try the black eggs.”
“Are they good, those?”
“No idea if they’re good, but apparently they add years to your life.”
“Ahaha, what’s that supposed to mean. Seriously?”
I hadn’t known that. Planning a trip is this fun, apparently.
Ever since meeting Yui-san, it’s really been one new thing after another.
I hope we get to go all kinds of places together while she’s still a student. I want to see the town she grew up in, the places she loves — and I want her to see where I grew up, too.
Fingers gliding over the tablet, I let my thoughts drift toward wherever we might go.
Going back and forth, this way and that, researching places to stay, before I knew it the date had already changed, and I’d completely forgotten about the message waiting for me.
In the end, I didn’t manage to reply to Hayakawa-kun until the next morning.