Episode 14: Hey Nana, do you reckon we’ll see the fireworks together again next year?

Sitting on the edge of a stone flowerbed, I stuffed my cheeks with yakitori while gazing up at the pitch-black night sky.

With blaring music and the clamour of the crowd as background noise, I kept checking my phone’s clock, waiting impatiently for the fireworks to start.

　My feet, clad in white trainers, dangled idly.
Though I usually dress differently, I couldn’t forget how Mizuki had complimented me on looking cool, so today I’d come in a simple T-shirt and jeans again.

Mizuki, sitting beside me, was playing around with my cap. I wanted to say that baseball caps didn’t suit her dress, but she looked so happy I let her be.

“So glad we got such a good spot. If we’d gone further back, we probably wouldn’t have seen a thing over the crowd. Wish I was as tall as Nana.”

Mizuki is probably about six inches shorter than me. But I like how she looks up at me when we stand side by side, so I really hope she stays just as she is.

“Personally, I wish mine would stop growing already.”

“Eh? Nana, you’re still growing?”

“Yeah. Must be genetic. Mum’s tall.”

“Lucky you. I wish I’d got another ten centimetres. Look, our legs are totally different lengths.”

Mizuki pressed herself right up next to me, her shoulder almost touching mine, then pressed her small knee against mine and stretched her toes out innocently.

“…Well, our heights are different, so it’d be weird if our legs were the same length, wouldn’t it?”

“Well, what about our hands then?”

Mizuki grabbed my left wrist and pulled it towards hers. My heart skipped a beat, but refusing felt odd, so I suppressed my racing heart and let Mizuki have her way.
Our palms pressed together perfectly. Her fingers, slimmer than mine, gently overlapped mine, tracing their contours. Mizuki’s warmth slowly seeped through the point of contact.

“Ah, our hands are about the same size, aren’t they?”

Seeing Mizuki grinning through our joined palms, I smiled back and grabbed her slender wrist.

“Mizuki, you’re cheating. You have to match properly from the wrist down.”

I placed my wrist against hers and slowly overlapped our hands again, starting from the palms. Mizuki’s fingertips stopped just below mine.

“See? Your hands are smaller.”

“Really? Che. I thought I’d have at least one thing I could beat Nana at—”

“…But you’re smarter, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to hear that from the top student in the year.”

Reluctantly, our palms parted.
I loved Mizuki’s gentle, soft voice and the way she stretched out the ends of her words.
　Perhaps because I’d been staring at her with such intensity, Mizuki seemed to notice something and fixed her gaze on my face.

“Nana, you’ve got loads of piercings, don’t you? Cool.”

“Piercings? Ah, four on each side. Cartilage too.”

Mizuki gently tucked my hair behind my ear with her fingertips, tracing the edge of my ear.

“Doesn’t it hurt when you get them pierced?”

“It hurts, just for a second. But it’s not unbearable. Are you interested, Mizuki?”

“…Nah, I’m fine. I’m scared of pain, and it’s against the school rules anyway.”

Against the school rules. I’d never really thought about it, but she was right.

“Well then, how about getting them when you go to university?”

“University, huh… Hmm…”

“…This might be none of my business, but I think you should go on to university. There’s a good one really close by, isn’t there? Tuition’s cheap too – I know because my brother goes there.”

It’s really none of your business.
It’s not something you should say to someone who’s doing their utmost just to get through the present and has no energy left to think about the future.
I know that, but I can’t help saying it. I want to grab Mizuki’s hand and stop her from charging headlong down that thorny path.

“…Nana’s applying to university in Tokyo, right? Why aren’t you going to the same university as your brother? Are you aiming for a better one?”

“Me? It’s not that… It’s just… that university is where Dad works. I don’t like it.”

“Eh? Really?”

“Yeah. So all that tuition money paid to that university? It’ll just end up back in my stomach anyway.”

When I tried to brush it off with a joke, the tense expression on Mizuki’s face softened just a little.

“I see… Well then, if I get into university, maybe I’ll get my ears pierced. I don’t really know much about it, so Nana, you choose my earrings for me.”

“Sure. I’ll get you matching earrings as a present. That way, even when we’re apart, we can still feel close, don’t you think? I’ll be living on my own, so come visit me sometimes.”

“…Yeah.”

　Mizuki definitely won’t come. She can’t leave Tasuku behind. I knew that when I said it.
If I had something matching, something precious, I’d surely struggle to forget Mizuki. Even after leaving this town alone, I’d undoubtedly spend countless sleepless nights remembering her.
But I want it. Something that lets me feel even a little connection to Mizuki.

　Mizuki lowered her head and fell silent for a moment.
What was wrong? Had she got cold feet about getting her ears pierced after all?
Thinking that, I peered up at her face.
I didn’t intend to force her, I meant to tell her that.

“Mizuki?”

Mizuki suddenly looked up and stared intently at my face.

“…Hey, Nana. Actually, I… I want you to stay by my side. Are you absolutely going to Tokyo? Couldn’t we go to the same university?”

“……………….”

My breath nearly stopped. Unable to form words, I opened my lips, took a small breath, and just exhaled.
We’d only gazed at each other for a few seconds, yet it felt like an eternity to me.

　Hey, Mizuki. What does that mean…?

As if to shatter our silence, a loud boom echoed, a great bloom appeared in the night sky, and cheers instantly spread.

Mizuki also looked up at the night sky with a start.

It was good timing that the fireworks started.
What should I say in reply—I didn’t know, not right now.

　Truth be told, I want to stay by your side forever too. Not as a best friend, but as your… lover.

My wish is too fleeting to even write on a tanzaku. If it can’t come true anyway, I want to stuff it into a firework shell and send it up into the night sky with you.
And then, I hope it quietly bursts without leaving a trace in anyone’s memory, vanishing without a trace.

　If only I could bleach this heart clean, I too could have seen Mizuki as nothing but a pure friend, untouched by any taint. Then, I could have stayed with this girl I adore forever and ever.

Ah, why did I have to fall for Mizuki?

I really ought to stop indulging in this futile love.

＊＊＊

“The fireworks were amazing, weren’t they? They do them every year, but I hadn’t come to see them since I started high school. I’m so glad I came today.”

After the fireworks ended, Mizuki beamed with delight, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“How long has it been since you last came to the pre-festival night?”

“I think the last time I came was when I was in Year 9. I came with a boy I was seeing. But there were so many grown-ups, it was scary. We stayed at the edge of the park, hiding behind a tree, so I could only see half the fireworks.”

“Oh…”

A boy. So she was seeing a boy after all.

　Ah, I’m jealous after all. It’s unsettling. An image surfaces in my mind: young Mizuki, cheeks flushed, holding hands with a spiky-haired middle school boy.

Go away, shoo shoo.
I wave my hand dismissively in my head, like shooing away a stray dog.
But once these distracting thoughts appear, they refuse to vanish, no matter how much I want to shake them off.

Huh, how far did they go?
　Some kids started early even in secondary school. Could Mizuki have been one of them? That terrifying thought races through my mind, mercilessly plunging a blade into my heart.

In my imagination, the spiky-haired boy lays his dirt-stained hands on my Mizuki’s sailor uniform.

Stop it—I’ll die!
Just imagining that makes me want to die!

“Hey, did Mizuki’s secondary school have sailor uniforms?”

“Eh? Blazers. Dark green blazers, a bit daft, actually. The skirt didn’t have pleats, looked like seaweed or something.”

Whoosh. My delusions washed away. Thank goodness. There was no sailor-suited Mizuki. Farewell, my sorrowful delusion.

“…Nana, how long have you been without a boyfriend?”

“I’ve never had one. Not since I was born. Not ever.”

Nor will I ever. I shall never have a boyfriend.

“Oh, I see. So you’ve never had a crush? No first love yet? That’s kind of surprising. Cute.”

“I’ve already had my first love.”

It was Mitsuki. I couldn’t say that, though.

“Eh? Then why aren’t you dating?”

“Why? Well… I don’t plan on confessing.”

“Why!? Nobody would turn down Nana if she confessed!”

There is. Right in front of you.
But I can’t say that either.

“Why do you think that, Mizuki?”

“Nana’s beautiful, kind, and stylish.”

“Thanks for the compliment. But didn’t you say you used to be scared of me?”
She peered at me teasingly.

“…That was before we became friends. Now I know for sure that Nana’s a really kind person.”

Kind only to Mizuki.
Because I like Mizuki.
I end up being kind even when I don’t want to. Like a conditioned reflex.

I gather the empty yakitori packs into a bag and tie the knot.

“Right then, kind Nana-chan will walk Mizuki home.”

　It was still early to split up with Maki, but I had to get Mizuki home. Thinking that, I stood up.

The crowds had thinned considerably since we’d come. This way, we should be able to get home without getting separated.

After tossing the yakitori wrappers into a bin at the park entrance, Mizuki suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me along.

Startled, I turned around to find Mizuki grinning.

“Seems like we might get separated, eh?”

“…But it’s not that crowded anymore, is it?”

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s hold hands.”

Her fingertips slipped smoothly between mine. Fighting the urge to squeeze back tightly, I held her hand softly, gently, lightly.

“…Right then, just until the main street.”

“Aye.”

I started walking, hoping she wouldn’t notice my flushed cheeks.

“Hey Nana, do you think we’ll be able to watch the fireworks together next year too?”

“…Well, I don’t know.”

Probably not. I’ve no intention of coming back to this town.

Without mentioning the earlier topic of where we’d be going to university, we simply walked away, moving further from the summer festival music.

“You’re on summer break too, Nana. You can come back even if you go to Tokyo, right? …Please come back. Let’s watch the fireworks together.”

Once she starts university, Mizuki will surely forget all about me. She’s ridiculously cute, after all.
Some senior playing the field will probably snap her up straight away.

　No, I don’t want to see that. I couldn’t bear watching it happen right beside me. Absolutely couldn’t.

I couldn’t tell her. That once I start university, I don’t intend to see her again.

If I ever find a girlfriend cuter than Mizuki, and manage to forget these feelings, then maybe I’d consider meeting her once.