Episode 110: Immersed in Studying (1)

With exam season in full swing, time was flying by. Before I knew it, the day of my meeting with Endo-san had arrived.

Endo-san had said she wanted to start studying at eight in the morning, so I made a point of arriving a little early and found myself standing outside her house twenty minutes before the appointed time.

I’d done it again.

This makes it look like I’m looking forward to it, which is embarrassing…

Just as I was about to head to our usual park to kill some time, the front door opened at just the right moment.

　‘Takizawa? You’re here already?’

I felt like running away right then and there.

If she teased me by asking, ‘Were you looking forward to it?’, I’d feel so awful I’d want to crawl into a hole.

‘Sorry, I’m missing a few ingredients, so I was going to pop out to the shops. You can wait at home if you like.’
‘…… I’m coming with you.’

I walked alongside Endo-san, heading towards the supermarket. Since I’d get to eat Endo-san’s cooking again today, I figured I might as well help carry the shopping.

Endo-san was just wearing her pyjamas with a coat thrown over the top, and she looked a bit cold.

“Achoo—”

Just as I’d expected, she’d caught a chill and was sneezing.

“Endo-san, you’re such an idiot.”
“Takizawa, you’re always calling me an idiot…”

　She was grumbling about something, but I didn’t pay any mind and wrapped my scarf around her mouth. Endo-san stared at me with a bewildered look on her face.

“It’s exam season and you’ve caught a cold; I’d be in trouble if you passed it on to me.”

　I was wearing gloves and a thick coat, so I didn’t think I’d get cold just because I’d lost my scarf, and I wrapped it around Endo-san.

“Takizawa, aren’t you cold…?”
“I’ve been walking, so it’s just right.”

　We set off walking.

　She was quiet for a while, so when I looked at her, her face was red. The cold wind must have hit her and made her face red from the chill. I was glad I’d come dressed warmly.

“You smell nice, Takizawa.”

　Endo-san was pressing the scarf I’d wrapped around her face tightly against her nose.

‘Give it back if you’re going to do anything funny.’
‘No.’
‘Then just behave yourself.’

When I said that, she nodded, but her hand, clutching the scarf tightly, didn’t let go.

The supermarket was warm thanks to the heating. Reassured that Endo-san would probably manage to avoid catching a cold, I carried on with my shopping.

　As always, Endo-san seems to enjoy shopping. She gets lost in thought, has sudden flashes of inspiration, and drags me all over the place. Normally, that would be exhausting, but now I’ve come to find it rather delightful.

‘What do you think we’re having for dinner tonight?’
‘I’m not Endo-san, so I’ve no idea.’
‘Oh, come on, that’s no fun. Just say anything.’

　She seemed to be having a great time asking me this, but there was no way I could possibly know. However, Endo-san was giving me that ‘wait a moment’ look, so I felt I had to give it some thought.

　I looked at the ingredients in the trolley, but as I know next to nothing about cooking, looking at them didn’t spark a single idea in my mind.

‘Curry, then?’
‘That’s way too lazy.’

　Even though it was such a trivial conversation, Endo-san seemed to be enjoying it immensely. She was beaming, despite my rather half-hearted reply.

　Endo-san’s smile is lovely.

　Before, she used to smile in a polite, constructed way, but now her expression is soft and natural. I’m so happy to see her like this that I find myself smiling too.

‘Takizawa, thank you for always carrying my bags.’
‘You’re the one cooking for me, so it’s only natural, isn’t it?’

It’s not as if I’ve done anything particularly worthy of thanks.

Endo-san, who feels the need to thank me for every little thing, is so conscientious, and I think she’s a bit of a fool. Yet, seeing her like that, I found myself wishing I could be the sort of person who can express my true feelings to others with such honesty.

We finished our shopping without a hitch and started studying as soon as we got home.

‘Endo, how did the mock exam go the other day?’

　Endo is going to a university in the same prefecture as me, and she promised she’d still meet up with me even after we’ve started uni. It’s not that I actually believe her, but there’s a part of me that hopes it will turn out that way.

‘I’m doing my best, but I think I’m still scraping by.’

　Endo-san’s voice grew a little sombre, and the conversation died away. It felt as though saying anything more might create an awkward atmosphere, so I decided to concentrate on my studies too.

　The sound of Endo-san’s pen gliding across the paper was soothing.

　I glanced over at her; she was writing something in her notebook with a serious expression. The thought that I might only have a little while left to see her like this brought a slight pang of sadness.

“Haaaaa…”

With a deep sigh, Endo-san stretched. When you’re focused, time flies; we’d been concentrating for nearly three hours now.

Once she’d settled back down, Endo-san spoke to me with a rather heavy air about her.

“Takizawa…”
“Hmm?”
“I’ve been feeling scared lately. I’m worried I might fail my entrance exams…”

Endo-san looked incredibly serious. It was the first time I’d ever seen her like that, so I couldn’t quite hide my surprise. I spoke to her, intending to offer some encouragement.

“So you actually have things you’re afraid of, Endo-san?”
“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”
“No, I mean it as a compliment.”

　Endo-san can do just about anything; it’s almost enviable.

Even with her studies, her grades have improved unbelievably in such a short time. That’s why I thought she’d be fine as long as she kept that confidence.

“I want you to go wherever you want to go, Endo-san, but even if you don’t get in, there’s no need to feel down or scared.”
“Why do you think that…?”

Why, I wonder…

“When I was taking my high school entrance exams, I was incredibly anxious too, and I was terrified of not living up to my parents’ expectations. And in the end I failed, and ended up at this high school.”
“Yeah…”
“But now, I actually think I’m glad I’m at this high school.”
“Why?”

Because I met Endo-san—

　If only I could say that, would my heart feel a little lighter? Meeting Endo-san changed my life, which had been filled with despair. My broken relationship with my family might not yet be fully repaired, but at least it hasn’t completely fallen apart.

　And a life where nothing brought me joy has started to feel a little bit fun and happy.

　I want to tell Endo-san how grateful I am.

　And yet, I can’t even bring myself to say a simple ‘thank you’.

　The weight of not being able to say it presses down on my heart.

‘No matter how scared or anxious you are, no matter what the outcome, I think you’ll come to believe one day that it was the best path for you. At least, that’s how it was for me.’

　I gently pat Endo-san on the head.

　I’d never seen her show any signs of weakness before, so I thought it was unusual and felt a little urge to encourage her.

‘Takizawa patted my head, so I’ll do my best…’

I thought, ‘What sort of reason is that?’, but seeing a little brightness return to her face, I decided it was fine.

We concentrated on our studies for what felt like an incredibly long time.

As dinner time approached, Endo-san started to prepare the meal. I couldn’t just sit there; I had to do something to help.

‘I can chop vegetables, at least.’
‘It’s fine, it’s fine. Why don’t you just take it easy?’
‘I’m going to be living on my own, so I want to practise.’
‘……If it looks dangerous, I’ll make you stop straight away, okay?’

Endo-san looked a bit annoyed, but she let me help.

I chopped the vegetables just as Endo-san instructed.

I’m still slow and clumsy, but I think I’ve improved a bit since before.

Chop the onions, peppers and carrots into rough chunks.

Since Endo-san had said she’d take care of the seasoning, I decided to start getting the chopsticks and cups ready.

Glancing at the cupboard, I spotted the cups I’d given her.

I felt a bit self-conscious about setting them out on the table myself, so as I reached for the ones at the back, Endo-san pressed herself against me from behind.

　The sudden contact made my heart nearly leap out of my chest.

‘Shall we use these?’
‘Fine, so move away.’

　Endo-san often startles me by suddenly pressing up against me like that.

‘What if I said I didn’t want to move away?’

　Endo-san asked, still pressed up against me, with a mischievous look on her face.

“I’d smash the cup.”
“I definitely don’t want that.”

　Endo-san had taken the two cups herself and lined them up on the desk.

　Endo-san’s cup was white and featured a polar bear lying sprawled out lazily.
　My cup was a pale blue and featured a polar bear with both arms raised in a triumphant cheer.

“They’re so cute, no matter how many times I look at them…”

　Endo-san says this with a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. It seems she’s taken quite a liking to them.

“Oh, I’ll go and finish this off!”

　Endo-san scurries back to the kitchen.

　A wonderful aroma wafts from the kitchen. I’m completely taken aback by the dish she’s brought back.

“Is this…”
“Takizawa said she wanted to eat this, so I’ve been practising.”

　Endo-san replied with a smug look on her face.
　I never thought she’d actually remembered.

　I swallowed hard.

　I reached for the steaming hot sweet and sour pork.

“Ah…”

　I’d been so distracted by the sweet and sour pork that I’d forgotten… I quickly put down my chopsticks and clasped my hands together.

“Let’s eat.”

Saying that, I brought the sweet and sour pork to my mouth.

Endo really is amazing—

When I first tried this dish, I’d wondered what Endo’s version would be like, but it was even better than I’d imagined.

I kept tucking in, bowl after bowl.

The rich flavour spread through my mouth, making me want more.

‘There’s plenty, you don’t need to rush.’

　Endo-san looked a bit exasperated, but that didn’t matter to me right now.

　She said she’d practised, but was it because I’d said I wanted to eat it?

　Endo-san is always kind and indulges my whims. That’s why I have to be careful not to take advantage of her, yet I always end up doing just that. So, I want to at least let her know how I feel.

‘Endo-san…’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘Ah, thank you…’

　I was too embarrassed to look at Endo-san.
　All I could manage right now was to say thank you.

‘You’re welcome.’

　Her voice was so gentle, it seemed to wrap itself around my embarrassment and soothe it away.