Episode 1

“…Hey, so, can I ask you something?”

“What? Spit it out. You’re dithering and it’s creepy.”

“What do you think is the cutest version of me?”

“Huh? Have you lost it? That’s creepy.”

Tsumugi’s voice comes through the phone even sharper than usual. It’s not like I wanted to ask this.

Since the date invitation, Seriha and I had exchanged a few messages and settled on going out the following Saturday. I’d been trying to think about the homework she’d assigned me — show up as the cutest version of yourself — but I was no closer to an answer.

Which is how I’d reached my limit, and ended up calling Tsumugi at midnight of all times.

“I mean… I get why it sounds weird, but… I’m trying to find my cutest self, and…”

I don’t even know what I’m saying. I want to hang up right now and bury myself in bed, but I can’t back down at this point.

“You’re genuinely creepy, you know that?”

“Ugh…”

Struggling to keep my resolve from crumbling, I press on, my voice thin.

“…Don’t say that. You’re the only one I can turn to…”

Tightening my grip on the stuffed animal in my arms, I cling stubbornly to the call. The round little penguin is getting squashed flat.

Tsumugi lets out an exaggeratedly loud sigh, and then she speaks again.

“I take it things worked out with that girl you mentioned. I didn’t think you’d ever come to me with something like this.”

“…It’s not like that.”

I pout as I say it. Love advice, relationship talk — I’ve never done any of this before, so I don’t even know what it’s supposed to look like.

“Your voice. Want me to record it and send it back to you? Annoyingly cute, that’s what it is. Like a girl in love.”

It’s unusual for Tsumugi to tease like that — her laughing voice reaches my ear, light and amused.

“I don’t need that. Fine, forget it, I should never have asked you.”

“Sorry for calling so late. Good night.”

Tsumugi is always kind, but tonight she’s not going to be any help. I’ll apologise for the weird phone call another time, and think this through again tomorrow.

I clipped the words short, and from the other end of the phone came a flustered voice.

“Okay, wait, wait. I went too far.”

“You sulking — that was a first. Couldn’t help myself. Sorry.”

She stops me with those stilted words, clears her throat as if to reset, and starts again.

“What’s ‘cutest’ — I don’t know that. I’m not exactly an expert on that sort of thing.”

Unusually for her, she seems to be choosing her words carefully, without her usual confidence.

“But I think you’re fine just as you are. At least — the you right now is different from how you’ve been.”

“…Is that so?”

I murmur it quietly, eyes cast down.

“…She won’t end up hating me, will she?”

I really am a tiresome person. Any way you think about it, there’s no way Seriha would come to dislike me over something like this.

“Good grief… You should drop that needy way of thinking as fast as you can.”

I lie back on the bed to the sound of her exasperated voice. I want to throw everything aside and go to sleep, but if I do, Seriha might end up hating me after all.

“Anyone who falls for a handful like you — whatever version of you they get is fine. You don’t need to force yourself to change.”

Her voice, slightly softer now, the sharp edges gone. Tsumugi really is kind. She always comes through for me.

Seriha accepted me even after everything I’d become. I’d been thinking I had to change something, somehow, but maybe that way of thinking in itself was wrong.

The me who right now has her head completely full of Seriha — that me is fine. All I can do is believe that this is the version of me Seriha considers cutest.

“If we’re talking appearances — try changing up what you wear? You always look kind of the same. Keep it up and she might get bored.”

“…You think so too?”

Tsumugi is blunt to the end, but she always ends up coming through with an answer. She really is like a rose, that girl.

After that, for a good while, she told me everything I could think to ask — what to wear to the date, how to do something different with my hair. It was almost morning by the time we were done. I felt bad about that.

“Thank you. That was genuinely useful.”

“Right. When it’s over, you’re telling me everything. I’ve got things I want to talk about too.”

Her voice drops to a murmur at the end.

Tsumugi with something to talk about… I can’t imagine her bringing a problem to me, but she’s helped me so much. Whatever it is, I want to be there for her.

“My sister’s been waiting to see you too, apparently. Going on about how she’s chosen a few new cocktails with you in mind, the usual fuss.”

“Tell her thank you. I’ll come and talk properly. Let’s really talk — both of us. At your sister’s place.”

I hang up, smooth out the squashed penguin, and stare absently at the ceiling.

“Don’t need to force myself to change… huh.”

Meeting Seriha had changed me, quite a lot. My twisted way of thinking. The atmosphere that used to carry a darkness underneath.

But maybe I don’t need to change everything. Talking with Tsumugi made me realise that.

One week until the date. No time to get to a salon. At least I want to put together the best version of what I can do myself. I’m going to have to turn my wardrobe inside out.

What will Seriha wear, I wonder.

She’s always put-together, so she’d look fine in anything — but I’d also love to see her in something more casual, something her own age.

We’d had some fairly deep conversations and I’d thought I knew her well, but her everyday clothes, her favourite foods, her hobbies — I realised I knew almost nothing about the surface of her. She was probably the same about me.

I already have my answer ready. All that’s left is whether I can find the right words to give it to her. Whether I can spin them properly. That’s all.

I want to see Seriha. She’ll be at work tomorrow, so I’ll see her then — and yet.

If I’m being honest with myself: I want to see a Seriha who’s dressed up just for me, smiling just for me.

When did I end up like this? I’d been swept along by her so many times that somewhere along the way, it seems I’ve become someone who can’t do without her.

◇

“…Not bad. Cute. Doesn’t make me look like a child. I’d hold my own next to Seriha… probably.”

Three hours of turning the wardrobe inside out and standing in front of the mirror. The bed is buried in clothes.

My plan had been to settle on something Sunday and get back to normal for the rest of the working week — but I’d been turning things over in my head and somehow a lot of time had passed.

The date is Saturday. Tonight is Wednesday, well past midnight. If I don’t decide now, there won’t be time.

I look at myself in the mirror again, properly.

Not bad. It’s something I’d never wear to the office, so Seriha hasn’t seen me in it — and I think I’d hold up next to someone as noticeably beautiful as her.

A navy dress, and a small wicker bag. The dress has this little opening at the shoulders that’s why I bought it, but I’ve been too embarrassed to wear it — nearly ever. But for a date, that should be all right… I think.

It doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard. If she teases me for it I’ll die of shame, but the balance feels about right.

Curl my hair a little, and it should look special without being too much.

I don’t know if it’s the cutest version of me… but this is as far as I can go.

“Done! I’m cute! It’s fine!!”.

I say it out loud to blast the embarrassment away.

Two days left until the date. Seriha still hasn’t sent the details. I tried asking where we’re going, but she says it’s still a secret.

I thought I might get it out of her at lunch, but she seems to be busy this week. Even when we pass each other in the office she just gives a small nod — no small talk allowed.

Keeping me on hold until the date, is that it.

I really should sleep. And yet my body won’t settle — slightly too warm, doesn’t feel like sleep is coming any time soon.

I sigh at myself, at how I can’t seem to keep still for even a moment.

And yet — the face looking back at me in the mirror was unmistakably, helplessly, having the time of her life.