Episode 57 (Helena’s POV): “Someday”
“Thank you so much. Truly.”
She bowed her head and paid a little more than the set fee.
As she tucked the gold coins away in her bag, Fiine bowed back — thank you as well, she said.
The dead who come back as magic dolls only live for a single day. She and her husband would never be reunited again.
(…And yet.)
This was nothing like a month ago. This time, she’d been able to say goodbye properly.
Living through a farewell all over again had been painful in its own way, but even if she could turn back time, she knew she’d make the same request to the magic doll shop, all over again.
“Helena.”
Turning back just before he left, Kevin pulled firmly at Helena’s arm.
He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, quiet enough that the children wouldn’t hear.
“…Be happy.”
His voice was full of regret, and prayer, and above all, love.
The two from the magic doll shop led him away, and they left the house.
Kevin’s back — the back of the person she loved most — grew farther and farther away.
She couldn’t cling to him, couldn’t beg him not to go.
She’d already been given time that was never supposed to exist in the first place.
“You—!!”
She shouted with everything she had. Her voice still reached him.
“I’ll never, ever forget you — not for the rest of my life!!”
She jumped, waving her arm as wide as she could so he might catch even a glimpse of her.
Helena’s bracelet caught the sunlight and shimmered.
◆
“Mommy, are you okay?”
“I’m here too!”
Once Kevin and the others were out of sight, Adam and Mary peered up at her, worried.
Was her face really that awful, to make them worry like this?
“…Thank you. But I’m fine.”
She answered as if trying to convince herself.
If she was honest, of course she was lonely, of course it hurt, of course she felt like she might start crying. But looking at the bracelet gave her strength and courage.
(I can’t claim I’m strong enough to live on memories alone, but…)
“I have the two of you, after all.”
It wasn’t only a sense of duty to keep living properly as their mother. The two people she loved gave her the strength to keep facing forward.
“Hey, Mom.”
Adam tugged at her arm. When she bent down to meet his eyes and asked what was wrong, he hesitated for a moment before speaking.
“It’s okay to cry, when things are hard.”
“…What?”
“…I might not be able to be like Dad. But it makes me sad when you hide and cry by yourself.”
Tears welled up at his words. She forced herself not to cry, willing her eyes to hold steady — and then Adam called out to her again.
“Don’t hold it in. It’s okay to cry.”
For a moment, something of Kevin flickered across Adam’s face as he said it. They didn’t even look that much alike.
“That’s right! Mommy, you can cry as much as you want!”
Mary, who’d been listening, threw her arms around Helena with a smile.
“‘Cause Mary loves her crybaby mommy too!”
She couldn’t hold back any longer, and heavy tears spilled from Helena’s eyes.
She’d been able to properly redo their goodbye, and from the bottom of her heart, she was glad she’d gotten to see Kevin one more time. She had the resolve, and the will, to keep living the days ahead with everything she had, facing forward.
—And even so.
“…I really am lonely…”
She could hear Kevin’s voice in her head instantly — you really are a crybaby — which told her just how much longing she still had left in her.
She didn’t want to forget him. And that was exactly why it hurt, why she couldn’t help but feel lonely, no matter what.
Having no regrets about how they’d said goodbye wasn’t the same as not grieving the parting itself.
Helena sank down and began to cry, and Adam and Mary quietly wrapped their arms around her.
(What matters, surely, isn’t not crying.)
Walking through her days properly, moving forward, even while crying — that was probably what really mattered.
(…Hey, Kevin. It’s all right if I hope we’ll meet again someday, in heaven, isn’t it?)