Episode 37: Regret
Honoka’s hand presses my body down harder still.
My back stays flat against the floor; I’m not even allowed to move.
“…No. I won’t let you disappear, I won’t…!”
Her face is close.
Close enough that our breath mingles.
“I was the only one looking at you, the only one who loved you…!”
The words spill out of her, pained, but without stopping.
Honoka’s fingers pin my wrist down, hard.
“I’m not handing you over to some girl who came out of nowhere…!”
The moment the low murmur leaves her, her lips meet mine again.
Deeper than before. Rougher. Without mercy.
There’s no room to breathe.
— This is frightening.
But more than that, I can feel Honoka trembling.
The rougher the kiss, the more clearly I understand how much anxiety is driving her.
“…Don’t you want me anymore, Yuna?”
Her lips pull back suddenly, and she whispers it at close range.
Eyes wet with tears pierce straight through me.
“You don’t love me anymore…?”
The words drive straight into my heart.
That isn’t true. It couldn’t be less true.
“That’s not it, Honoka, that’s not it…”
I finally manage to say it, and something wavers in her eyes.
“…Then prove it.”
A quiet whisper.
Still gripping the collar of my uniform, Honoka’s fingers tighten just slightly.
“If Yuna is still mine… prove it.”
In the next instant, Honoka brings her lips close again.
Unlike the first, this kiss has something clinging in it.
A desperate kiss, meant to smother the anxiety.
“Look only at me…”
Her voice, threaded with breath, sounds close against my ear.
Honoka’s hand grips the hem of my uniform tight.
The force of that grip speaks to the intensity of everything churning inside her.
“Look only at me… feel only me…”
Her whispered voice grows warm, winding around my ear.
The next moment, her lips meet mine once more.
This time it isn’t roughness so much as something saturated with obsession — a kiss meant to dominate.
“…mm…!”
There’s nowhere left to run.
Not just my lips — my fingertips, my whole body, are bound by Honoka’s heat.
“…I knew it… I was wrong…”
Her lips pull away suddenly, and Honoka’s eyes find mine.
But it isn’t a gentle look.
“I didn’t need freedom…!”
Her voice is shaking.
Not with anger — a trembling full of regret.
“If I hadn’t said something unnecessary, Yuna would still be looking only at me…!”
“Clinging only to me, wanting only me… that would have been enough…!”
The hand gripping my collar tightens further, trembling.
“Why did I ever think about letting go…?”
“Why did I ever say I wanted freedom…?”
A tear spills from Honoka’s eyes.
“How much peace I felt, back when Yuna depended only on me… how happy I was…”
Those words settle heavy on my chest.
Honoka found peace in my depending on her.
That was her “happiness.”
“So… never leave me again…”
Her trembling hand touches my cheek.
With a smile on the verge of tears, Honoka looks at me steadily—
“…Hey. Come back to being only mine, again…?”
Her voice is so earnest it sounds close to crying—
And yet it’s sweet, and mad, in a way that’s almost impossible to resist.