Episode 104: My Birthday (1)

Today might just be the most nerve-wracking day I’ve ever had.

I never imagined I’d actually be going out today.

There’s no way Takizawa would remember my birthday, so it must be a coincidence, but I can’t think of a happier day than getting to spend your birthday with the person you like.. More than anything, I was just delighted to be going out with Takizawa.

Takizawa’s due to arrive in an hour.

　I wonder what sort of person Takizawa would think is cute. Does she prefer the cool type?

　I like make-up and dressing up, and I’ve tried out various styles of fashion, so I think I generally understand what suits me.

　However, I have no idea what style Takizawa likes.

　Takizawa is due to arrive any minute now, yet I haven’t decided on a single thing.

‘Ugh, what am I going to do…’

In the end, I picked out a top that wasn’t too flashy and a long skirt. I left my hair down, curled the ends to make it look fluffy, kept the eyeliner and eyeshadow around my eyes natural, and put on a pale pink lipstick.

Once I was ready, I waited a little while and went to greet Takizawa when she arrived.

‘Excuse me for intruding.’
‘Please, come in.’
‘Right. Can I use the fridge? I’d like to put some drinks in.’
‘Er…?’

Takizawa headed for the kitchen before putting down her things. Once she’d finished putting things in the fridge, she kneeled in front of the family altar with a more serious expression than usual.

Whenever Takizawa comes to my house, she greets my parents like this.

　I’ve told her she doesn’t need to go to such lengths, but she says she’s just greeting them as a matter of course since she’s visiting the house, and she’s kept it up ever since.

　Takizawa is just a stranger who happens to go to the same school as me.

　And yet, I’m so happy that she treats my family with such care; sometimes it brings a lump to my throat.

　Looking at Takizawa’s clasped hands, I noticed she had a plaster on.

‘Takizawa, what happened to your finger?’
‘Just a bit of a graze. Endo-san, are you ready to go?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Right, let’s go then.’

My concern was brushed aside, and as Takizawa strode out of the house, I hurried after her.

After an hour or so on the train, we arrived at the aquarium, where Takizawa was looking at the map with a grim expression.

‘Takizawa, you’ve got a frown on your forehead.’

Saying that, I touched her forehead. Normally, she’d have brushed my hand away and told me not to touch her, but she didn’t say a word.

‘Endo, they say there’s a polar bear.’

Takizawa pointed at the map, looking slightly pleased. Perhaps she’d been looking for the polar bear exhibit for me.

　Takizawa has that lovely quality about her. Watching her act for the sake of others makes me want to try my best to do something for her too.

‘If we follow the route, it looks like we’ll be able to see them towards the end. Let’s go.’

　I was so happy and elated that I couldn’t help myself; I took the hand of the girl walking beside me. I thought she might brush me off, saying ‘Stop’ or ‘Let go’, but she quietly held my hand.

　Takizawa is clearly acting strangely today.

‘Takizawa, do you have a temperature?’
‘Why?’
‘No, never mind…’

　I felt that if I said anything more, she might shake my hand off, so I decided to keep quiet and just go on.

　As we passed through the welcome hall, the ceiling became a tank, and vermilion sea anemones greeted us. Sharks swam gently amongst the anemones, and sunlight streamed down into the tank.

　It was so beautiful that I found myself gazing upwards, completely captivated.

“Your neck is going to start hurting.”
“Probably.”

　As I looked at Takizawa, who agreed with me, the light fell upon her, making her glow.

　Takizawa really is a beauty, isn’t she…

Those jet-black eyes. The straight line of her nose. Her thin lips. The faint flush on her cheeks.
　I found myself more captivated by Takizawa’s profile than by the aquarium.

‘Endo-san, let’s move on.’

Takizawa took my hand and, as we walked through the corridor, we came upon a huge, open-plan tank.

‘Wow…’

I was transfixed by the enormous tank.

　Amidst a vast school of sardines, rays, sharks and all manner of fish swam freely. Sunlight streamed into this tank too, making it shimmer beautifully. Even with so many different fish swimming about, they all glided smoothly through the water without ever colliding.

“Endo-san, look at that.”

When I looked in the direction Takizawa was pointing, I saw a creature that looked like a white dolphin swimming there.

“What’s that called?”

　Takizawa and I hurried over to the information panel.

“A porpoise… It says ‘Porpoise genus, Delphinidae family’. Apparently, it’s technically a type of dolphin. The difference is that it doesn’t have a dorsal fin. Oh, look, Endo-san!”

Following Takizawa’s lead, I looked at the tank and saw the porpoise playfully nudging a diver.

“It’s a sea creature, yet it’s so friendly. Just as Takizawa said, it doesn’t have a dorsal fin. It’s strange, isn’t it?”

As we were having this conversation, perhaps as a special treat, the snub-nosed dolphin swam right up to us.

“What a polite little thing, it’s come over to say hello to us.”
“It’s just like Takizawa.”
“I don’t get it.”

Thinking both the snub-nosed dolphin and Takizawa were cute, I smiled and looked at her.

　Takizawa was smiling too.

　She must really love animals.
　She loves animals and she loves teaching. I’m gradually getting to know the things she likes.

　I want to get to know her even better from now on.

“We won’t make any progress if we stay here, so shall we move on?”

　At Takizawa’s suggestion, we decided to head further in.

“They say these are creatures that live in the cold sea. There are loads of colourful fish, aren’t there?”

　When we reached the slightly dim tank area, the tanks were adorned with sea anemones and brightly coloured fish.

“I wonder if those are tasty?”

　Where Takizawa was pointing, there were lots of spider crabs.

“It’s so typical of you, Takizawa, to think about food when we’re at the aquarium.”

　I couldn’t help but smile.

‘It’s just that I have this image of crabs being tasty.’
‘Takizawa, you like crabs, don’t you? I’ll make a note of that.’
‘If you’ve got time to remember that sort of thing, you should be studying.’

　Takizawa said this with her usual deadpan expression.

　Takizawa is quite talkative today.

　She’s talking far more than I’d ever expect from her. And I’m really happy to be having this sort of casual conversation with her.

　I didn’t recognise most of the fish, but I saw all sorts of creatures, from beautifully coloured ones to those with distinctive and interesting features.

　Takizawa has been holding my hand the whole time today.

　I don’t know why.

　I don’t know, but I think this looks just like a date between a couple. I wonder what Takizawa is feeling right now.

‘Endo-san, they’re doing a dolphin show at two o’clock. We’re going to watch it, right?’
‘I want to…’

　Takizawa has been researching all sorts of things for me, marine life, the aquarium itself, and even the events on offer.

I don’t know if she’s doing it for me, or if there’s some other reason.

If it is for me, though…

My chest tightens.
I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but somewhere deep down, I can’t help but think, ‘I wish that were the case.’

We decided to have lunch before watching the dolphin show.

　I was hungry, so I got carried away and ordered a large portion of udon, which I immediately regretted.

“Endo-san, you’re so slim, yet you have a huge appetite, don’t you?”
“I don’t want to hear that from you, Takizawa.”
“I’m not actually eating that much.”
“But you always eat loads when you’re at my place.”
“That’s because I like the food you make.”
“Oh…”

　Beep beep

I had a million questions I wanted to ask, but the sound signalling that lunch was ready rang out, cutting our conversation short. Takizawa headed for the counter without a word, so I hurried after her.

Had my ears deceived me?
I’d heard Takizawa say something I’d never heard her say before.

I’d heard her say things like ‘delicious’ before. But I’d hardly ever heard Takizawa say she liked something.

　My face flushed.
It must have been a mishearing.
I should have been satisfied with that, but I found myself wanting to confirm whether those words were true.

‘Takizawa, could you say that again?’
‘Why? No way. We’ll be late for the show if we don’t eat quickly.’

Takizawa slurped her udon as if nothing had happened.

　I tried to copy her, but I couldn’t really taste the udon anymore. My heart was pounding so hard I couldn’t even tell.

　I was happy that Takizawa had found even one thing about me that she liked.

　Once we’d finished eating, we had a bit of time, so we started walking around the aquarium again, picking up where we’d left off.

“Why are jellyfish so beautiful, I wonder…”

　Watching the jellyfish swim softly and ethereally, those words slipped out naturally. I’d seen them on TV before, but seeing them in the flesh was completely different.

　It was a shame I couldn’t touch them, even though they were so close. I wondered what it would be like to touch one… they looked so soft and fluffy.

“They’re alive, after all…”

　Saying that, Takizawa stretched out her hand, just far enough not to touch the glass.

‘There’s an aquarium in ○○ prefecture that’s famous for its jellyfish. Shall we go together sometime?’
‘Why?’
‘I’d like to see all sorts of jellyfish.’

　I realise I’m being rather selfish. But I don’t think I’ll be in trouble for being a bit of a nuisance to Takizawa just for today.

　I’ve done so many things today that I would never normally do. No matter how I look at it, I’ve been saying nothing but troublesome things. Even so, I wanted some kind of promise from Takizawa.

“I don’t want to make promises about the future. It’s so sad when you get your hopes up and then they’re dashed.”

　Takizawa looked terribly pained. I’m sure it’s the environment she’s been in up until now that’s made her like this.

　I took it upon myself to clasp her little finger with mine.

“A promise.”
“Don’t just go making promises on your own.”
“Well then, if I say I want to go and you’re free, shall we go?”
“…………”

　Takizawa didn’t answer that, but since she hadn’t refused, I kept holding her hand and started walking through the aquarium.

　When we reached the marine mammal area, there was the polar bear, the main attraction I’d been looking forward to most today. It was a smaller bear than the one I’d seen at the zoo the other day.

“It’s… so cute…”

　My heart was racing with excitement at seeing the polar bear I’d been most looking forward to seeing today. Then, remembering how Takizawa had dressed up as a polar bear for the sports day, I couldn’t help but smile.

“You really do love polar bears, don’t you?”
“Well, aren’t they cute? All white and fluffy, and even though they look a bit dazed, they’re incredibly powerful when they swim. It’s so soothing…”
“I’m glad you got to see it.”

　Takizawa gave my head a gentle pat.
　Takizawa? Would that Takizawa actually do something like that?

　As I stood there in a daze, Takizawa called out to me.

“We’d better get going or we’ll miss the dolphin show.”

　Leaving behind the jumbled, bewildering emotions caused by my beloved polar bear and Takizawa, I headed towards the venue.

　When we arrived at the dolphin show venue, there were so many people I thought the entire aquarium must have turned up; the only seats left were at the very back.

　The dolphins performed their tricks one by one, and then the introductions began. Takizawa watched the dolphins with sparkling eyes.

‘Dolphins are really clever, aren’t they?’
‘Aren’t they even cleverer than you, Endo-san?’
‘That’s really putting me down. I’ve been getting quite clever myself lately.’

　Feeling slighted at being called more stupid than a dolphin, I puffed out my cheeks and glared at Takizawa.

　Takizawa was laughing as she watched me.
　It was the same expression she’d had when she was watching the dolphins earlier.

“Takizawa, when you look at me, you make the same face you do when you look at animals. Are you mistaking me for something else?”

　I’m happy to see Takizawa’s smile.
　But I don’t like being treated like an animal. I want her to see me as a proper person.

“You’re a bit like a dog, aren’t you, Endo-san? You’re spoilt, your expressions change all the time, you’re either completely unguarded or on your guard, and you sulk like you’re doing now, but usually you’re loyal.”
“Does that mean I’m a pet?”

　I ask, my expression even more stern than before.

“They say the three dolphins are going to jump all at once.”

　Whenever I bring up something important, Takizawa either ignores me or changes the subject.

　The next moment, the dolphins soar through the air to an unbelievable height. Bathed in sunlight, they looked like creatures flying through the sky.

　Splash

　Water splashes onto the front rows of the audience, and the children squeal with delight.

“That was amazing.”

　The dolphins were free, whether in the sea or in the air.

　We saw them doing all sorts of adorable things, like swimming through rings and begging the trainers for food.

“About what we were talking about earlier, Endo-san is Endo-san. I don’t think of you as a pet at all.”

　Takizawa suddenly brought up what we’d been talking about earlier, and my mind couldn’t keep up—only my heart was racing.

　Takizawa wouldn’t look at me.
　I could tell her cheeks were slightly red.

　I imagine that for Takizawa, even saying something straightforward must be nerve-wracking and take a lot of courage. Thinking that this must have been the moment she’d been waiting for to say it, I found myself cherishing her all the more and wanting to touch her.

　While the audience’s eyes were fixed on the dolphins’ spectacular leaps, I was looking only at Takizawa.

“Takizawa…”
“Hmm…?”

I gently pressed my lips against hers.

Takizawa’s eyes widened.

“We’re outside. There are loads of people here, so don’t do that.”
“So, it’s fine if we’re at home, then?”
“That’s not what I mean.”

　Takizawa’s face turned sullen. But she didn’t let go of my hand.

　I think that side of Takizawa is rather sly. I wish she’d just reject me outright and tell me I’m creepy. But Takizawa is too kind; she’d never do anything to really hurt me.

　Perhaps it’s inevitable since she doesn’t know how I feel, but that sort of behaviour leads me to misunderstand things.

　The dolphin show had ended, and we were heading towards the aquarium exit.

　Amidst the crowd of people, I could hear the conversation of a family walking just ahead of us.

‘I don’t want to go home! I want to play with the dolphins!’
‘The dolphins are tired, so let’s save it for next time.’

The mother was trying to calm the little boy, who was kicking and squirming.

‘No, no!’
‘Well then, I’ll buy you a dolphin soft toy.’
‘I wanted to play with the dolphins…’

　The boy looked as if he was about to burst into tears at any moment.
Her father lifted him up and hoisted him onto his shoulders.

“Let’s come back soon. We’ll see them again.”
“Really? Then I’ll wait patiently until we meet them again.”
Perhaps satisfied with the piggyback ride, the child let out a happy laugh.

‘I wonder if I was like that when I came here with my family…’

I visited the aquarium with my family once when I was in primary school. It was the aquarium with lots of beautiful jellyfish that I’d just mentioned wanting to visit with Takizawa.

However, I no longer remember exactly what conversations I had with my mum and dad. Would I be able to recall them if I went back again…? With that faint hope in mind, I wished to go with Takizawa.

‘I don’t remember it either.’

Startled by those words, I turned towards her.

‘I’m sorry…’
‘It’s not that. I remember that we had a good time, but I don’t remember the actual conversation we had. That’s just how memory works, isn’t it?’

Takizawa was right.

Human memory isn’t all that reliable.

　If my memory were sharp, I’d want to keep those few memories of my family locked away inside me forever.

But that’s not possible, and lately, my memories of my family have been fading away, and there are more and more things I can’t recall.

There are times when that terrifies me.

What if I end up forgetting those precious memories of my mum and dad? I’m overcome with anxiety that I might end up with nothing left that matters to me.

　Noticing how I felt, Takizawa squeezed my hand tightly.

‘Endo-san, did you enjoy yourself today?’
‘Yes. I had a lovely time. I felt so happy.’
‘I see.’

If I could, I’d like to remember this memory for the rest of my life. And if even a tiny bit of it slips away, I want to come back here with Takizawa and make new memories.

I found myself wishing for that so strongly.

　We didn’t exchange any further words. We didn’t, but I could feel the kindness and warmth from Takizawa’s hand, and my heart felt all warm and cosy.