Winter Special 1: Claws

Keeping my nails short was a habit that lasted until university.

I’d file them down, rounding the edges to make them short, smooth, and even. I kept the nails on my left middle and ring fingers particularly short, almost to the quick. I’d always carefully run my fingertips over them to make sure there were no snags before applying polish myself.

I think that habit, once ingrained, wasn’t really for anyone in particular. In the end, it was just for myself.

　Because if I ever ended up pinning ‘someone’ down on the bed, it would be a problem if my nails were long. That was all there was to it.

After parting ways with Kanata, I stopped keeping my nails short. There wasn’t any particular reason. I think it was simply because I couldn’t find meaning in spending the night with anyone other than Kanata.

When we first met, I never imagined the day would come when she would reciprocate my feelings.
　So I must have been subconsciously searching for someone who resembled her.
At first, that satisfied me. But soon, even that felt insufficient.

It was fine while I was still finding similarities between other girls and Kanata, superimposing her onto them.
As time passed, however, the differences became unbearably noticeable. Ultimately, it only served to starkly remind me that no one could ever truly replace her, leaving me with nothing but mounting emptiness.

　Before a year had passed since we met, I realised I could no longer embrace other girls.
So ever since parting ways with Kanata, the habit of keeping my nails short had vanished.

Whistling softly, I filed the nails on my left hand when Kanata leaned over from behind the sofa backrest to peek at my work.
Sensing her presence, I turned to find her gaze fixed on my nails.

“Hmm? What is it?”

“Yui-san, you seemed in such a good mood, I wondered what you were doing…”

“I was just tidying my nails.”

I held up my bare nails, freshly stripped of polish, for her to see.
Kanata awkwardly looked away, her cheeks flushing a faint pink. “I see,” she murmured softly.

　Her bashful reaction clicked into place. Wanting to see that adorable expression better, I leaned in to peek at her face. Noticing this, Kanata abruptly tried to pull away from the sofa.
I reached out, gripping her arm firmly to stop her from escaping. Kanata looked flustered, her eyes darting around.

“Kanata, where are you going? Come here.”

　Even the nail care that used to be solely for myself now feels more passionate and puts me in a better mood, knowing it’s for Kanata too.

Weekend nights spent together, those sweet evenings, I always look forward to them so much I can hardly stand it.

The winter chill and the week’s fatigue vanish in an instant. The time spent with my beloved lover is irreplaceable, precious moments to me.

　Kanata had been watching me, but once she realised I meant no harm, she padded over to my side and sat down beside me.
Then she stared intently at my bare nails.

“…Yui-san always wears nail polish, so somehow, seeing your nails without any polish feels strange. You’re so dexterous, and you’re really good at painting them, aren’t you? Any colour suits you, I’m envious.”

“Do you think so? Our company has no dress code, so you can wear whatever you like, Kanata.”

Saying that, I took Kanata’s hand and stroked her small nails, a pale pink like cherry blossoms.
Short nails. Unlike me, Kanata didn’t need to keep them short, but since she seemed concerned about having scratched my back before, she’d started keeping them trimmed short ever since.

If it’s a wound you can inflict on me, I wouldn’t mind at all even if it left a scar.

In fact, the thought that you find it so pleasurable you don’t even notice such things gets me incredibly excited — though I’d never say that to you, because I think you’d just get embarrassed and sulky.

“Yui-san… you grew your nails after starting work, didn’t you? Did you do them yourself back then too?”

“No. I had them done at a nail salon. But now I think it’s better to do them myself. I always want to keep them short.”

Having said that much, Kanata slipped her hand away and looked down.

Ah, she’s embarrassed. Utterly adorable.

　When she acts like this, so obviously aware of herself, it makes those rather unsavoury feelings bubble up inside me.
Knowing that if I teased her a little, she’d show me an even cuter expression, resisting that urge was truly a monumental task for me.

“Hey, Kanata.”

“…What is it?”

“Do you remember, back when we were students, that one time you did my nails?”

“Eh…?”

Kanata’s eyes flickered with unease, her cheeks flushing a pale pink.

I won’t let her say she’s forgotten that incident.

That day, Kanata suddenly asked me, “Can I do your nails?”

　Without waiting for a response, she took my hand and began filing my nails. Then, as casually as anything, she asked which fingers I used when embracing a woman.
I remember being utterly shocked, my breath nearly catching in my throat.

To be honest, I was genuinely flustered then. I instinctively offered my right hand, but Kanata insisted on doing my left too, leaving me feeling utterly flummoxed.
　After all, asking Kanata to do something I’d only do for other girls…

Just recalling it brings back those complex feelings from that time.

Back then, I wasn’t sure if Kanata truly understood what I meant by ‘tidying my nails’. But the thought of making earnest Kanata do such a thing made me feel terribly guilty, unbearably so.

“I don’t remember, it was so long ago…”

Seeing Kanata blush and pout her lips, it was immediately clear she couldn’t possibly have forgotten that incident.
Fighting hard not to laugh, I peered into Kanata’s eyes.

Before, it was indeed something I did to hold other girls. But now it’s different.

　So, it should be alright to ask again, right?

It might be a bit mean, but I wanted to see Kanata blushing and looking embarrassed more. I know it’s a bad habit.

But when she made that face, it was no wonder I couldn’t hold back either.

“Oh, you don’t remember… That’s a shame. Hey, Kanata. Since we’re here, do it again. My nails.”

“Eh?”

This time, I offered my left hand without hesitation. Kanata froze for a moment, then stared intently into my eyes, trying to gauge my true intentions.

How adorable. I want to hug her. I want to kiss her. Hiding those feelings, I covered it up with a smile and gently placed the nail file in her right hand.

“Here you go, please.”

“Yui-san, are you serious? I’m clumsy, and I’d never be able to paint them neatly, like with nail polish.”

“Then just trim them to the right length. Just the middle and ring fingers will do.”

When I whispered that teasingly, Kanata’s face, still holding the file and looking down, flushed even brighter red.
Seeing her react so adorably like this makes me want to ask her to do it every single time.

“But…”

“Please. Doing my dominant hand is actually quite tricky.”

That’s a lie, of course. I’ve done it so many times I’m really quite used to it now. But I just want to see you blushing like that, Kanata. It’s just too cute to resist.

Kanata seemed to accept my lie. Reluctantly, she took my left middle finger and gently pressed the nail file against my nail.

　My nails were short to begin with, so it was just a matter of smoothing the edges and rounding them off. With only the middle and ring fingers, it was finished in no time. I just stared intently at Kanata, blushing but earnestly filing my nails.

Knowing the significance of filing these nails, yet doing it properly despite her embarrassment, was so endearing it was unbearable.

　This is impossible. Though I thought I couldn’t wait until nightfall, I forced myself to endure until she finished, since she was taking the trouble to do my nails.

“…Yui-san, um, is this alright?”

I ran my fingers over the tips of my middle and ring fingers, now neatly filed. The smooth, perfectly trimmed nails, free of any snags, were back to their familiar length.
　Rolling the nail file in my hand, I smiled slightly at Kanata, who seemed restless. Then, using the very fingertips she’d just trimmed, I touched Kanata’s soft shoulder.

“Thanks. Since you’ve gone to the trouble, shall we test whether it’s alright?”

“Eh…?”

I leaned my weight heavily onto her. Her body fell naturally, lying down on the sofa. Her long chestnut hair spread out smoothly.

　Leaning over her, I looked down. Her moist eyes, filled with a mixture of expectation and anxiety, gazed up at me.

Lately, Kanata often wore this expression. Did she realise it was like begging me to hurry up and eat?

“Um, Yui-san…”

“Hmm?”

“Are we… doing it?”

“Yes.”

I traced the soft outline of her lips with my thumb. After confirming she didn’t object, I gently pressed my lips to hers.

Back in my student days, I simply enjoyed having sex with girls.

I didn’t have any particular preferences; as long as she was cute, anyone would do.

Just holding a soft body made me feel, for that moment at least, as if I were forgiven – forgiven for not being able to love men, and for the impure feelings I, a woman, directed towards other women.

　But that kind of sex was merely a painkiller, a mere consolation far removed from solving the fundamental problem.

I think it was meeting Kanata that made me realise it ultimately meant nothing if the feelings weren’t mutual.

Because I cherish her, I want to touch her.

But what I feel for Kanata isn’t just such a pure emotion. Merely touching her skin makes my reason feel like it could shatter in an instant.

　Adoration and desire become tangled together, igniting a fierce fire deep within my chest.

Unlike men, there’s nothing to quell it, so the craving just swells and swells, ultimately finding no end.

Truthfully, I want to love her endlessly, until morning comes.
I want her to be so utterly consumed by me that she can think of nothing else.
Because I adore that expression on her face, that look of pure, unyielding desire for me.

　Please accept all of my wicked desires, Kanata. You and no one else.
But even that isn’t enough.
I find myself wishing Kanata would think of me with equal fervour.

What a luxury to have such worries, I think. Just knowing our feelings are mutual should be happiness enough.
Perhaps when one soaks too long in happy times, they can become greedy beyond measure.

I stripped off her fluffy, adorable loungewear along with her underwear and tossed it carelessly onto the edge of the sofa.
Covering her white, round breasts, rising and falling with shallow breaths, as if gently cupping them in my palms, I could feel her heart beating strongly.
　Trace the faint outline of her ribs with your fingertips, and she’ll clamp her knees together, trying to close her legs. Grasp the back of her knees and forcefully slide your body between them.

Press your lips repeatedly against her eyelids, cheeks, and the nape of her neck, as if clinging.
I want you to understand. How deeply I love you.

　I couldn’t bear to waste even a moment undressing myself, so desperate was I to touch Kanata, to touch her.

I pressed the middle and ring fingers of my left hand, which she had trimmed for me, against Kanata’s lips.

“Kanata. …Open your mouth.”

The warmth inside her mouth, welcomed through the hesitant parting of her lips, was warm. Gently caressing her small tongue with my fingertips, its softness tickled me ever so slightly.

During sex, Kanata is truly compliant. She’s shy, but she listens to me no matter what.
But if I go too far, the backlash afterwards is intense. If she sulks properly, it might ruin our date plans for the next day. I’ve only just learnt recently that overdoing anything is never good.

　Slowly withdrawing my finger, I drew her lips to mine for a kiss. While entwining our tongues to distract Kanata, I gently slid my saliva-moistened finger down towards her lower body.

Touching gently, first the middle finger. Then, a little later, the ring finger.

The moment it touched her, I thought, ‘See, I didn’t need her to lick my finger after all,’ but I kept that thought to myself and didn’t point it out.

　Feeling the sweet sigh and Kanata’s melting warmth on my fingertips made me dizzy.
Unable to resist the sight of her arching white throat, I lightly bit her neck.

My tongue traced from her sweat-dampened nape to her protruding collarbone.

With tear-filled eyes, Kanata looked at me and called my name repeatedly in a sweet voice unimaginable from her usual self.

“Does it hurt? Are you alright?”

“U-uh…”

“Hmm, good. …Is it pleasurable?”

Her expression, the tone of her voice, the tight grip on my fingers – I knew the answer without needing to ask.

But I wanted to hear it. Truly, I just wanted her to say it. I just wanted her to want me.
　When I gently asked, pretending not to know, she shyly whispered back, “It feels good.”

With my right palm, I stroked her trembling, slender abdominal muscles.
Having held her many times before, I knew. That her limit was right there.

If tears overflowed from those eyes and wouldn’t stop — all I could do then was brace myself for being bitten.

　I don’t feel direct physical pleasure myself, but simply touching Kanata makes me feel incredibly good. That’s why I can’t stop.

Getting bitten hurts, but more than that, I’m happy that Kanata feels good, so such minor pain isn’t a hardship.

“Yui-sa-n, I, can’t, anymore—”

Her tear-filled eyes pleaded with me. It’s utterly adorable and endearing how she always tells me when she’s reached her limit.
If I say ‘not yet’, she’ll try so hard to hold back, and if I say ‘it’s alright’, she’ll look at me with those utterly melted eyes, relieved. I love that.

I want to keep watching that look, the one only I get to see, forever and ever. So I want to say ‘not yet’, but since we have a date tomorrow, I’ll try not to be too cruel tonight.

“Already at your limit?”

As I listened, Kanata nodded repeatedly, her head bobbing up and down.

“…Right, I understand. It’s alright now.”

I pulled her sweaty body tightly against mine. She bit my shoulder, and I almost groaned at the pain — but in moments like this, that ache always vanished, replaced by a deep, overwhelming tenderness filling my chest.

＊＊＊

“Maybe next time I’ll have Kanata do my nails.”

Hugging Kanata from behind in the bath, I made the suggestion. Our eyes locked perfectly as she turned back, looking resentful.

“No way. I’m not doing it again.”

“Eh? Why? It’s fine. I’ll do your nails for you.”

“No way. Because you’re always doing naughty things, Yui-san. Even today, you definitely had that in mind from the start, didn’t you?”

Seeing Kanata protest with her cheeks puffed out, I couldn’t help but laugh. That’s odd. I don’t think I was particularly mean today, but judging by her reaction, getting my nails done must have been quite embarrassing for her.

“So, does that mean you knew I was planning it and did it anyway? Were you actually hoping for it?”

When I teased her like that, she clamped down hard on my left middle and ring fingers, squeezing them almost painfully.

“Ouch, ouch! Kanata, if you grip that hard, you’ll break them!”

“Stop saying things like that and show some remorse.”

“What if it really did break? I might not be able to do it properly with my right hand.”

“Is that really what you’re worried about?! Ugh, you really are only thinking about dirty things, aren’t you?! You lecher, Yui-san!”

I knew full well she was just embarrassed and sulking. And that Kanata, well, I found her utterly, utterly adorable.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll apologise, so cheer up. I’ll do my own nails properly. For you, Kanata.”

Saying that, I kissed her cheek, and finally her fingers released mine.
I curled and uncurled my fingers several times, letting the blood flow back into them after being gripped so tightly it felt like they might go numb.

I looked at my bare, unpolished nails, examining them. The middle and ring fingers Kanata had carefully shaped felt strangely precious.

　Honestly, I don’t think this is so bad, you know.
Even today, despite everything, I reckon we had a good time.

“…What’s wrong? Did it really break?”

I smiled at Kanata, who tilted her head worriedly.

“…Hey, Kanata. Next time, could I really try using my right hand? You know, just in case I hurt my left hand or something. I think it’s important to practise everything, just in case.”

　As if she’d seen right through my ulterior motive – imagining how cute and flustered she’d look with my right hand – Kanata splashed water right in my face and turned bright red with anger.

Strange. I really did mean it quite seriously.

But someday, I’ll definitely try it.

I’m sure Kanata would be happy about it too.