Episode Eighteen
“Not feeling much like eating, so I’m going to sleep. Night.”
Ever since that short message arrived from Ao, I haven’t been able to settle.
I wanted to go check on her properly, but Dad had told me to leave her be, so it was probably better not to push. If she’d taken her medicine, she’d be fine. Worrying too much would only make her feel like she had to manage my feelings on top of her own.
At my desk. In the shower. I kept repeating the same words to myself over and over, and eventually fell asleep with the night still unsettled.
I woke up earlier than my alarm, which usually has to drag me out of bed with great enthusiasm. The message I’d sent last night still hadn’t been read; Ao was probably still asleep. I wanted to at least see her face, but the thought of waking her kept me from going any further.
I made the usual lunch for four, then sat watching the morning news without really seeing it. It was the last Friday before the long weekend, and yet I couldn’t get my mood to lift even slightly. Tomorrow I was supposed to go stay at Fuuka’s — should I really go? Honestly, feeling like this, I’d only end up worrying her. But she’d been looking forward to it for so long…
“Morning. Is Ao-chan still asleep?”
“Morning. I think so.”
“Hope it doesn’t drag on… Sorry to ask, but can I leave Ao-chan to you? Your mum should be back sometime after noon.”
“Of course. I was already planning to, even without you asking. Good luck at work.”
I saw Dad off, his face still creased with worry, and looked up the staircase leading to the second floor. It was already past the time Ao would usually be up, but there was no sign of her coming down.
“Ao, are you awake?”
I called toward the door but got no answer. Maybe she’d slipped out somewhere. The thought crossed my mind only because I couldn’t sense any presence behind the door at all.
“I’m coming in, okay?”
I knocked a few times with no response, and I needed to at least ask whether she’d be staying off school. One more knock, and I quietly opened the door.
The room was strangely hot. Frowning, I looked toward the bed and found the duvet pushed up into an odd shape.
“Ao—? Are you awake?”
The mound of duvet shifted faintly at the sound of my voice, and Ao’s face emerged, twisted with the effort of a cough.
“…Mor—nin’. cough… cough”
“Wh— are you okay!?”
Her eyes were turned toward me but didn’t seem to be focusing on anything. Her voice was so faint I might have missed it even in a silent room, and I found myself rushing to the side of the bed without thinking.
I pressed my hand to her forehead and felt the heat clearly. Her glistening eyes didn’t seem to register me even standing right there.
“This is bad. Okay, um, in this situation…”
What was I supposed to do first. She had a fever, she was probably sweating too. The water bottle by her pillow was empty, so she’d need something to drink. I needed to call the school too. And then—
“…‘m fine. Go to… school.”
Ao murmured weakly, her hand brushing against mine where I clearly hadn’t managed to hide how shaken I was. Is it because I seem unreliable that she won’t lean on me when it actually matters? My own uselessness made me both furious and sad at once.
“No. I’m staying home today.”
“I’ll get things sorted, just wait a bit.”
I said that and started to stand, and a limp arm caught the hem of my vest.
She looked like she wanted to say something, but maybe she didn’t have the strength to talk. Even seeing how much pain she was in, I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I gave the arm still gripping my hem a few gentle pats, then turned and left the room.
I called the school to let them know both Ao and I would be absent. Looking back, this is the first time I’ve missed a day since starting high school. I used to care, vaguely, about a perfect attendance record — now it doesn’t bother me at all.
I watched Ao’s quiet, sleeping breath for a moment and let out a long breath of my own. The fever must have properly set in sometime last night. Seeing the number on the thermometer had brought out a cold sweat of my own, but the medicine seemed to have settled things for now. I’d take her to the doctor tomorrow morning; for today, staying by her side seemed like the right call.
Fuuka — I needed to apologise. She’d been so looking forward to this, and I felt terrible. I’d been looking forward to it too, and I’d even bought snacks to bring to her place. Still, there’s no way I could go off and enjoy myself while leaving Ao like this.
Sorry, my sister’s come down with a fever. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to yours.
Really sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow, just name it.
I sent a stamp of a penguin bowing with streaming tears and closed my phone.
Hair a mess, no make-up at all. The collar of her sleep shirt hung wide open, enough that I could see her undershirt beneath it. Seeing her this unguarded, I hated myself a little for the way my own heartbeat had picked up without my permission.
“Haah…”
Carrying that guilt, I laid my textbooks and notebook out on Ao’s desk. The chair, slightly the wrong height for me, kept reminding me that I was somewhere I didn’t quite belong, and I couldn’t settle no matter how I sat.
“…Onee-chan?”
Her quiet breathing stopped, and a hoarse voice reached me from the bed.
“Morning. How are you feeling?”
I closed the notebook and lowered myself onto the edge of the bed. Her fringe looked like it was bothering her, so I brushed it gently aside.
“Better than this morning, I think. I’m… sorry.”
“For what?”
“You missed school, right? With the exam coming up.”
Ao mumbled it, half-hiding her face behind the duvet, and whatever was tangled in my chest seemed to pull a little tighter.
“Don’t worry about that. Missing one day isn’t going to matter.”
I picked up the water bottle from the bedside table, and the condensation on its side ran down over my arm.
“Can you drink?”
I held the bottle to her mouth as she slowly raised herself up. Some of it spilled from the corner of her mouth where she couldn’t quite manage it, and I gently wiped it away with a fingertip.
I stared at my own wet finger and stopped breathing. Just as I was about to bring it to my own mouth without thinking, Ao’s concerned voice pulled me back into the room.
“…Onee-chan?”
“Wh— what?! Is something wrong?”
I wiped my fingertip hurriedly on a tissue.
“No, you just looked kind of out of it.”
“I’m fine, totally fine. Do you think you can eat something?”
She gave a small nod, and I pulled the duvet back up over her and got to my feet. I tried to keep my eyes fixed on the corner of the bed, but they kept getting pulled instead to the damp nape of her neck.
“I— I’ll go make some porridge. You need to stay lying down, okay?”
I said it in a voice that came out shakier than I meant, and made my way to the kitchen with unsteady legs, despite there being nothing at all wrong with my own health.