Episode 76: Hold Me Tighter

It was a Monday afternoon, nearing mid-September. The sound of keyboard clicks in the president’s office abruptly ceased. Yui let out a deep sigh before stretching her stiffened body with a satisfying groan.

Lately, it like felt Yui had been sighing more often.

There was a perfectly good reason for this: the Group Joint Presidents’ Meeting was scheduled for early next month.
　This was the crucial quarterly meeting where each president under the Ichinose Group umbrella reported their performance to the president of the parent company, Ichinose Holdings — Yui-san’s father.

Since morning, Yui-san had been buried in preparing materials for the meeting.
She’d been staring intently at her PC, occasionally pausing to ponder, so I sensed she was somewhat stuck.

　The large resort hotel opened this summer had been a resounding success, and the company’s performance was strong. If things continued this way, it looked set to brilliantly achieve increased revenue and profits this term, exactly as outlined in the three-year medium-term management plan Yui had established upon taking office.

Even so, the fact that good performance alone couldn’t allow for complacency spoke volumes about just how high the standards demanded at this ‘Presidents’ Meeting’ were.

　Just imagining it made my stomach churn. Given that Yui-san became the youngest president in the company’s history, our firm seems to be under considerable scrutiny even within the group.
It’s good that we’re delivering solid results, but the pressure is immeasurable.

“…I’m popping over to Yuki-nii’s company for a bit. He said he’d be free this afternoon, so I’ll go discuss next month’s President’s Meeting materials.”

Slowly rising, she slipped on the dark grey jacket hanging from the rack and let out another deep sigh.

“Understood. Do take care.”

I stood from my desk to see her off. Our eyes met, and Yui smiled gently, wrapping one arm around my waist.

“Right. I’ll be back by five.”

I accepted her gentle kiss, barely a touch. Taking advantage of being alone together, Yui-san always touched me like this.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it were just the president’s office, but she’d touch me without a care even in places that made me a bit uneasy – like the lift or the meeting room – so my heart always ended up racing.

At first, I was fidgety, wondering if anyone might see us. But in the president’s office — it was practically impossible for anyone to just walk in, so before I knew it, I’d grown accustomed to it.

Reluctantly, Yui gently pulled away from me and smiled happily.

“Right then, I’ll be off.”

After seeing Yui-san off from the president’s office with a “Have a good trip,” I let out a sigh myself.

Yui-san’s birthday was fast approaching next month. Yet I still hadn’t managed to ask her who she planned to spend it with.

Back in university, Yui-san would go to a “dinner gathering” once a month with her father and Kitakami-san. But looking at Yui now, there’s no sign she’s seeing Kitakami-san.
She’s no longer a student, and she’s past the age of meeting men through her father, so perhaps those ‘dinner meetings’ have stopped.

Yet, the morning after we spent together, even though it was a holiday, Yui received a call from Kitakami-san.
After that, she never returned his call in front of me, so I didn’t ask anything.

　To say I wasn’t curious would be a lie. But I simply couldn’t bring myself to ask Yui-san all sorts of questions and put even more pressure on her, especially when she was trying so hard for my sake.

It’s alright. I trust Yui-san.

I thought I’d brew some tea and take a breather. Just as I stood up from my desk, I noticed the red light on the telephone flashing.
　An internal call from reception. I reached out and picked up the receiver.

“Good afternoon. This is Aosawa, the secretary.”

‘This is Wada from reception. There’s a visitor here for the president right now…’

Hearing ‘visitor’ startled me. I manage all of Yui-san’s schedule. There shouldn’t have been any appointments for this afternoon. Had I overlooked something?

　Clamping the receiver between my shoulder and ear, I double-checked the schedule while operating the PC. But indeed, nothing was booked for the afternoon. If so, perhaps it was a cold call or something similar.

“Could you please tell them we cannot put through visitors without an appointment?”

‘Well… they said we’d know who it was if we just gave their name. It’s a gentleman from Ichinose Holdings, Kitakami-san.’

Hearing that name sent a chill down my spine. My hand holding the receiver trembled ever so slightly.

Calm down. I told myself, breathing in slowly, deeply, deeply.

　Even without an appointment… I couldn’t turn him away. I simply couldn’t. After all, Kitakami-san was an employee of the parent company. Moreover, he was attached to the president. He was a close aide to Yui-san’s father. To send him back at reception would be an unthinkable discourtesy — I couldn’t possibly do that.

“Very well… I shall see to it myself. Please show him to the reception room.”

Saying this, I placed the receiver down and stood up. I could feel the sweat forming on my palms.

　What should I do? Kitakami-san had come.

This was work. Personal feelings had no place here. As Yui-san’s secretary, I simply needed to handle this firmly.

Besides, we’d met just once, four years ago, for only a moment. He probably didn’t even remember me.
Hoping against that slim chance, I placed my hand on the door handle of the president’s office.

＊＊＊

Even now, four years on, I can recall that day as if it were yesterday.
I have never cried so much, before or since. Closing my eyes against the stinging pain that resurfaced, I took a deep breath.

Then I opened the door to the reception room.

The figure that came into view was unchanged from four years ago, exactly as I remembered.

　I stood before the black leather sofa, watching him.
Tall. Neatly groomed hair, the very picture of a businessman. Clad in a deep navy suit, he saw my face and his eyes widened for a moment — then narrowed sharply.

Summoning my courage against the urge to flinch, I met his gaze directly.

“Thank you for your continued support. I’m Aosawa, the secretary.”

I didn’t say ‘pleased to meet you’. Because I realised. He remembered me. I was almost certain of it.

His eyes were a unique burnt brown, like deep-roasted coffee with just a few drops of milk added.
Within those eyes, I saw a sharp blade. I felt an uneasy discomfort, as if its tip were pressed against my throat.

　His thin lips curved into a smile. He smiled, and I thought he was like a snake.

“You, I’m sure we’ve met before… when Yui was still a student. That’s right, you’re the one who lived with Yui.”

A chill ran down my spine at the sight of those icy, cold eyes.

“I remember you very clearly. I heard you’d ended your cohabitation, so I assumed you’d fallen out… but I was wrong.”

“…The president is currently out of the office. If you have any business, I can take your details.”

I responded with a purely businesslike reply, avoiding the question. To turn up without an appointment – what on earth is Kitakami-san thinking?
　His gaze, appraising me as if weighing me up, carried a clinging humidity that made breathing difficult.

“Oh, really? That’s a shame, she’s out. …She doesn’t answer her phone, barely replies to messages, so I came to talk in person. Bad timing, eh? Yui’s always been rubbish at keeping in touch, but you’d think she’d at least reply to messages from her boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. I clenched my back teeth at the word. I forced myself not to show it, endured, swallowed it down, then made a smile and looked back at Kitakami-san.

“If there’s something you wish to convey, shall I pass it on for you?”

“Oh? Sorry about that. It’s about celebrating Yui’s birthday next month… I’ve invited her out for a meal, but she keeps saying she’s busy that day and won’t give me the time of day. Could you tell her to let me know when she is free?”

“…Understood.”

Hearing that, I felt an immense wave of relief wash over me. Thank goodness. Yui-san had turned down Kitakami-san’s invitation.
Come to think of it, there was no way that Yui-san would ever say something like, “I’m having dinner with Shinji that day.” I felt relieved, realising I’d been worrying too much.

“Sorry for interrupting your work. Give my regards to Yui, then.”

Saying that, Kitakami-san passed by me and grasped the door handle. Relieved, I let out a small, quiet sigh, careful not to be noticed.
Regardless of the content, I was glad it was such a straightforward matter.
I’d managed to get through it. If he just went home without suspecting anything, that would be fine.
Overthinking is my bad habit. It’ll be alright. Kitakami-san couldn’t possibly think Yui-san was seeing a woman…

“…Ah, yes. Aosawa-san. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. Would that be alright?”

Before turning the handle, Kitakami-san looked back at me, and tension shot through me like my heart clenched.

“Back when you were students, what sort of relationship did you and Yui have?”

He looked me straight in the eye and said it. His eyes weren’t smiling. His piercing gaze made me swallow hard.

“…What do you mean by that?”

“Aosawa-san, do you remember? The first time we met. After I introduced myself, you just started running without saying a word, didn’t you? After that, Yui panicked and ran after you — and then I chased after Yui. You were already gone, but seeing Yui so distraught like that… it was the first time I’d ever seen her like that. I couldn’t help but wonder. What kind of relationship do you two have?”

I don’t know. How much had he noticed? Slowly, like something tightening around my ankles, suffocating me.
To hide my unease, I didn’t break eye contact with his dark brown eyes. Staring straight at him, I opened my lips.

“We were close, senior and junior. Back then, we just… had a bit of a row. As you can see, we’ve made up now, so please don’t worry about it.”

Saying it myself was painful. What I really wanted to say was: Yui-san’s lover isn’t you, it’s me. But I couldn’t say it. Not yet.

Whether he knew my feelings or not, Kitakami-san narrowed his eyes and smiled faintly.

“Is that so? Well, that’s fine then. Anyway, do continue getting along well with Yui. Cheers.”

With surprising nonchalance, Kitakami-san left the reception room. All the strength drained from my body, and I slumped limply onto the sofa.

Kitakami-san was far more inscrutable than I’d imagined. Yukiyasu-san had called him “a troublesome man” — but after speaking with him, I understood what that meant.

　He had more than a few quirks. Whether he was a good person or a bad one, I couldn’t even tell.

I felt utterly drained, and until Yui came back, my mind was completely elsewhere.

＊＊＊

“I’m home.”

The door to the president’s office opened just before five o’clock. The moment it slammed shut, I practically threw myself at Yui.

“Whoa—”

Yui-san staggered slightly, but steadied me firmly with one arm.
Truthfully, I was on the verge of tears. But not wanting to trouble her, I desperately held back the welling tears. Holding her tight, tighter still, I breathed in the scent of my beloved Yui-san, and gradually, my feelings began to settle.

“Kanata, what’s the matter?”

“…I felt lonely. Hold me properly, more tightly.”

Saying this in a clingy way, Yui-san placed the paper bag she was holding on my desk and wrapped her arms firmly around me with both hands.
Glancing down at the desk, I saw it was a paper bag from the cream puff shop near the station I’d mentioned liking before. Apparently, she’d bought me a souvenir.
　She peered at my face with concern, making me smile involuntarily.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and stood on tiptoe just a little. Then I kissed her, pressing my lips against hers.
This was a privilege only I possessed, something Kitakami-san couldn’t do.
When I pulled away and met her dark eyes, Yui looked momentarily stunned before pulling me closer, her arms tightening around my waist.

　This time, Yui-san bent down slightly, and our lips met once more. As if teaching me how it should be done, she changed the angle repeatedly, letting our lips touch.

After kissing me several times, as if to soothe me, Yui-san looked at me with concern. “Is something wrong?”

“…Kitakami-san came. To see you.”

“Eh?”

Her perfectly shaped brows drew together, Yui’s expression hardening.

“He left a message. He wants to celebrate your birthday. He said, ‘Let me know when you’re free’.”

“…I’ll tell Shinji never to come to the company again. I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable.”

　She gently stroked my cheek, lowering her eyebrows in sincere apology. So I shook my head from side to side.
I’m fine. Compared to all the suffering and effort you’ve endured until now, this is nothing.
The day Yui-san confessed to me, I decided to shoulder both the guilt and the punishment together. I can’t afford to whinge over something like this.

“No, I’m fine. More importantly… Yui, do you have plans for your birthday? Kitakami-san said you were busy that day and turned him down.”

Pouting my lips as I said this, Yui chuckled softly.

“Of course I have plans. My lovely girlfriend was supposed to celebrate with me… Wasn’t that right?”

Just as I thought. I knew she’d say that. Relieved, I broke into a soft smile too.

“Yes… absolutely. I’ll celebrate you properly.”

“Thank you. I’ll look forward to it.”

Our eyes met and we shared a laugh. “I bought some cream puffs, let’s eat them together,” Yui-san said, so I smiled and nodded.

　That look from Kitakami-san was a little worrying, though — there’s no way he’d have noticed. If we just say we’re women who are simply good friends, surely there’d be no room for further suspicion.

I’d better forget that unpleasant memory quickly and start thinking about plans for celebrating Yui-san’s birthday next month.
With that thought in mind, I took a bite of the cream puff.