Episode Fifty-Nine: Break It Off, Right Now
“Kanata, wake up.”
Shaken by the shoulder, I got pulled back from drowsiness. The gentle rocking of the car had been so pleasant I’d apparently drifted off for a bit. Still not quite grasping the situation, Yui-san gently took my hand.
“Watch your step, okay?”
Prompted along, I got out of the taxi, and a cool night breeze brushed my cheek. My mind was still hazy from alcohol, and it wasn’t until the taxi door slammed shut and drove off with the engine’s hum fading into the distance that I finally tilted my head, puzzled — wait, why did Yui-san get out too?
“You okay? Can you walk?”
I looked around, blinking. A high-rise apartment building, nothing like my own place, stood right in front of me, an unfamiliar landscape spreading out around it.
“Huh, Yui-san, this isn’t my house. Where are we…?”
Even as I said it, I let myself be pulled along by the hand, and Yui-san held a card key up to the entrance of the high-rise. The automatic door opened, and, prompted, I stepped inside.
“My place. Sending you home alone in this state worried me too much.”
Eh, Yui-san’s place? Right, I remembered — she’d mentioned before, buying a condo near the office. I wasn’t sure I was actually drunk enough to warrant this much worry, but still — oh, that means we get to be together tonight. Thinking that, my cheeks softened, unbidden.
*
Yui-san’s condo was more spacious than I’d imagined. Only fitting, for a company president. The living room’s about the same size as that detached house I’d stayed in back in college. Almost a waste, for something meant only for staying over on busy work nights.
“I’ll get you some water, sit on the sofa.”
Said with a worried glance into my face, but I shook my head, side to side.
“No, don’t need water. I’m just… sleepy…”
The lingering feeling of having dozed against Yui-san’s shoulder earlier had left me overwhelmingly drowsy. My eyelids felt ready to drop shut any second. Might as well just lie down right here on the sofa and sleep, I thought, moving to sit — and Yui-san scrambled to stop me.
“Kanata, if you’re sleeping, sleep in the bed. Sleeping on the sofa’ll leave your body sore.”
“Eh, but, I haven’t even showered…”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. You’re too drunk for a bath right now anyway, it’d be dangerous.”
Supporting my body, Yui-san said it. Reading the situation from her tone, I gathered — apparently I was quite a bit drunker than I’d realized myself. It’s true, my chest did feel oddly light and floaty, and everything had that faint, dreamlike quality to it.
“Bedroom’s this way. C’mon.”
Led by the hand, I followed along. Beyond the door, Yui-san’s spare, minimal bedroom, containing little more than a large bed, overlapped somehow with the memory of her old room.
Guided to sit, I settled onto the bed, and my heart started pounding, quick. Back in college too, I’d slept in Yui-san’s bed a handful of times, and every single time, my heart had raced just like this. Because Yui-san’s bed always smells so wonderful.
Whether she noticed or not, Yui-san rummaged through the closet, pulled out some loungewear, and set it gently on my lap.
“You’ll wake up sore if you sleep like that. Want to change before bed?”
She said it, looking down at me. It’s true, I’d rather change than sleep like this. Thinking that, I reached both hands out toward Yui-san.
“…Can’t. Can’t take it off. Yui-san, undress me.”
“Eh?”
Looking down at me, Yui-san froze for a beat, like she’d suddenly gone rigid. Why does she look so flustered about it?
Because I’d, of all days, worn a genuinely troublesome outfit today. The blouse buttons are all in the back, and taking it off myself, in this state, felt like a genuinely tall order.
“Yui-san, hurry up.”
Arms still outstretched, urging her along, Yui-san gave a wry, pained smile, then shook her head, side to side.
“No, that’s… a little…”
Her reluctance irritated me. Why is she being so resistant about it? Back in college, Yui-san would have said “guess I have no choice” and done it anyway, without fail. Why won’t she grant this simple request now?
—Doesn’t like me anymore, maybe?
Shoving that unwelcome thought away, I grabbed hold of the arm still outstretched and, gathering momentum, yanked her forward, pulling her down toward me as I fell back.
“Wa— !”
Thrown off balance, Yui-san collapsed forward, right on top of me. Catching herself with both hands so as not to crush me, she hovered there, and I, trapped beneath her, seized the moment before she could escape and reached up with everything I had, pulling her neck down into an embrace.
“K— Kanata?”
Yui-san’s voice, flustered, reached me right at my ear. Before anything else, I buried my face against her neck and breathed in, deep.
Sweet, familiar, so achingly beloved a scent that it made me want to cry.
“…Smells good.”
The words slipped out on their own. A beat late, I registered it — Yui-san really had switched back to that same perfume from back then, exactly like I’d asked.
Ahh, thank goodness. The Yui-san from back then, finally back in my arms again. Four years’ worth of longing, and this embrace, wrapped my chest in a slow, welling warmth.
But the body I’d pulled into this embrace stayed stiff, rigid, and that dissatisfied me deeply. She should have hugged me back without hesitation, every single time, before. Not fun at all.
“…Weren’t you supposed to be stronger with alcohol now?”
Exasperated, sighing, Yui-san whispered it right against my ear.
“…I got stronger. Even like this.”
A little stronger than back then, at least. Just had a bit too much today, that’s all. And that’s entirely Yui-san’s fault too.
If Yui-san hadn’t looked at Seno-san’s chest like that, if she’d shaken off that arm sooner, I never would have drowned myself in alcohol like this.
“…Do you always get like this when you drink? Kanata, please, promise me you’ll absolutely never drink outside like this again…”
Yui-san tried to push herself up, and the small distance that opened up irritated me. Even so, I kept my arms locked around her neck, refusing to let go.
Those eyes, looking down at me, endlessly, endlessly black. Calm as a nighttime sea — I’ve loved that gaze so much, for so long, since back then.
I want you to look more. Only at me, with those eyes, forever.
Staring at her, still floating on alcohol, Yui-san let out a small sigh.
“…You were being flirted with by Niiyama-san today, weren’t you. Has that been happening since your old company too?”
Niiyama-san’s name, out of nowhere, and I tilted my head. I have no memory of being flirted with at all — did it look that way to Yui-san? His casual joking is just how he always is, never something I’d thought twice about.
“…Niiyama-san’s always like that. He’s not being serious.”
At that, Yui-san’s shoulders slumped, and she let out a deep sigh.
“What if he was serious? He said he’d walk you home, didn’t he. Please, actually be careful. You’re weak to pushing, Kanata.”
Yui-san says that, but I’ve gotten much better at resisting pushing than back in college. In fact, Niiyama-san’s invited me to dinner a few times already, and I’ve never once accepted.
“You’re one to talk, Yui-san… you looked at Seno-san’s chest today, didn’t you. Weren’t you happy, having her arm linked with yours? You pervert.”
Not bothering to hide my sulking, I said it, and Yui-san’s eyes went round, and she shook her head, side to side.
“No, that’s not it. That was force of circumstance… I really didn’t mean to look, honestly.”
“Hmm… really? Suspicious. Are you maybe still fooling around with women, even now?”
I know well enough, from our college days, exactly how popular this person is. Her beauty draws every woman in the world, without exception.
There’s nothing about her that isn’t appealing. That’s always been true of Yui-san. If she wanted to, with that sugar-sweet, addictive whisper of hers, she could seduce any girl she liked, easy as anything.
I knew already that her left-hand nails, unlike back then, had grown long. Even knowing that, I think some part of me still wanted to hear her say, out loud, that it wasn’t true.
Yui-san let out a small laugh, then shook her head, denying it.
“No way. I’ve been slammed with work this whole time… never had time for that.”
“…Really?”
“Are you maybe jealous? Cute.”
“I’m not… jealous or anything…”
Having been rigid with shock just a moment ago, Yui-san had already settled back into her usual easy composure, watching me, teasing, smiling.
Caught out on my jealousy, I felt something between happy and embarrassed. Looking away, Yui-san reached out and gently stroked my cheek with one hand.
“…Kanata, do you have a partner right now?”
A partner…? I hadn’t expected a question like that, and my gaze snapped back to her. Held under that serious black gaze, I nearly shook my head no on reflex — but stopped myself.
Right — I remembered Ritsu-san being genuinely shocked when I told her I hadn’t dated anyone in four years.
Saying I’d kept loving Yui-san this whole time would probably come across as far too much. Yui-san doesn’t like high-maintenance women, so what’s even the right answer here? My alcohol-fogged head refused to work properly, and while I struggled for an answer, Yui-san’s expression, looking down at me, clouded over more and more.
“…Kanata.”
Pressed, her patience apparently running thin, the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could think better of it.
“…What would you do, if I said I did?”
I genuinely wanted to know. I don’t think she dislikes me. But whether Yui-san still felt that same intensity for me as before — I couldn’t tell, not from her behavior alone.
At that, Yui-san’s well-shaped brows drew together, tight, and her face twisted into open displeasure.
“…Break it off. Right now.”
I never expected to hear something like that, and I burst out laughing before I could help it.
Laughing out loud, ahaha, only made Yui-san’s displeasure deepen further.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Because… you’re one to talk, you’ve still got a fiancé.”
Such an unreasonable demand that I couldn’t help laughing at it. Yui-san, who’s always so respectful of me — I never expected her to say something this selfish. And that it made me so happy — I’d never admit that, not even under torture.
Pointed out, Yui-san opened her mouth quickly, flustered.
“There’s nothing romantic between me and Shinji, and I’m breaking off the engagement next year, I told you. More importantly, what’s your boyfriend like? How long have you been dating?”
A laugh spilled out of me, fufufu. Is it okay to believe she still likes me? This is definitely a good sign, right? Or am I just wanting to believe that?
“Curious?”
I asked, playing idly with the long black hair spilling down over me from where she loomed above. Yui-san let out a small sigh.
“…Would you rather have a man, after all?”
I’d only wanted to make her jealous, but the look in her eyes when she said that was so genuinely sad that I couldn’t bear it any longer and shook my head.
“Kidding. There’s no way I have a boyfriend.”
Saying that, I stroked her cheek, and Yui-san’s eyes went round, blank, for a beat, then she let out a long, relieved sigh.
“…Kanata, when did you get this mean?”
A resentful, faintly wounded look pierced me. I don’t think Yui-san realizes yet — even that look alone is enough to make me happy.
“Don’t sulk, Yui-san. Let’s just leave it at that, okay? I’m sleepy now… sleep with me.”
Saying that, I pulled her neck into a tight embrace. Ahh, that scent really is wonderful. The perfume and the plushie alone were never quite enough, no matter what.
The real thing is completely different. A slow wave of happiness kept washing over me. Yui-san’s scent really is addictive, I think.
“Kanata.”
Ignoring her faintly scolding, hesitant voice, I only tightened my arms further.
“…Hold me tight, like before, until I fall asleep. The whole time.”
Asking for it like that, Yui-san let out a deep, resigned sigh. Then she shifted off of me, lay down beside me, and pulled my body in close, tight.
Held so tight I could barely breathe, our bodies pressed flush together, the strength drained out of me, more and more.
It felt so good that I closed my eyes.
Gently stroked on the back, drowsiness came creeping in, slow and heavy.
“…This is basically torture…”
I heard Yui-san murmur something at my ear, but by then, not a single scrap of consciousness remained in me capable of understanding what it meant.