Episode 24: I Won’t Give It to Anyone
“Everyone was surprised about that thing at lunch today, weren’t they?”
“That thing?”
Mizuki, who’d been fiddling with her phone with her head resting on my thigh as I sat on the sofa, turned only her gaze towards me.
“You said it wasn’t strange for a girl to like another girl. I was shocked you’d argue with Maki about it.”
“Ah, that? Well, I genuinely thought so.”
Her round, cat-like eyes looked at me. Mizuki’s so sly, isn’t she? Was this calculated too?
“…I was happy. Thank you.”
I said it while poking her round cheeks. I really was happy. …It’s also true I was sad, but I won’t say that. I don’t need to.
“…Until I became friends with Nana, I knew girls dated each other at school, but honestly, I thought they were just substitutes for boys.”
“Ah… but I reckon that happens.”
It’s common in closed environments without boys; nothing unusual about it.
The so-called “transient crushes unique to adolescence”. If you get fooled into taking it seriously, you’ll definitely get hurt.
It’s not that it’s inherently bad, but I don’t want that kind of unstable, heart-wrenching love.
I don’t want to get hurt. I want to fall in love with a girl who likes girls from the start.
That’s why I never intended to confess my feelings to a straight girl, really.
Until Mizuki saw through the real me…
“Nana, could you ever like a boy?”
“A boy? Hmm… I don’t think so.”
“Then — what kind of girl do you like?”
I like girls like Mizuki — pure, kind, and cute.
“…You know the answer to that, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
Mizuki grinned slyly and gently tucked a strand of hair from my cheek behind my ear.
Ah, she’s so mean, really.
Mizuki occasionally glanced over at Tasuku, who was playing alone, while still watching me. She’s really good at this.
“…So what kind of guy do you like, Mizuki? Like Yamato-kun?”
If she likes the sort of guy who’s as bright as the sun, seems a bit daft, and looks like he’d ride around on a moped without a helmet, then I’ve got absolutely no chance.
“No way, Yamato’s not my type at all.”
“Then why were you dating him?”
“Er… hmm, youthful folly?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re still young enough now, aren’t you?”
“I’m an adult now. Unlike Nana, I’m grown up.”
As if to say she didn’t want to talk about this, Mizuki turned her face away and sank her teeth into my thigh.
“Ouch!”
Startled by the sensation of her hard teeth digging into my thigh, I stiffened. Mizuki giggled happily.
“Nana’s thighs look delicious.”
“I’m not food! Well, unlike you, Mizuki, I’m not exactly skinny, but still—”
“Nana is slim. Your legs are really pretty.”
After tracing the distinct teeth marks with her fingertip, Mizuki leaned in again. I felt a warm, soft, slimy sensation and realised she’d licked me.
This time, I genuinely pushed Mizuki’s body away.
Mizuki laughed, sat up, and moved away from me as if escaping.
“Mizuki!”
“Ahaha!”
“Tasuku, your sister’s a pervert! Do something!”
Heat rushed to my face. The ticklish sensation of Mizuki’s tongue tracing my skin came flooding back. Frantically, as if to erase it, I pressed my palm against my thigh where the bite mark remained.
“Nana! Don’t teach Tasuku weird words, okay?”
Tasuku, looking bewildered, turned back to my face, then laughed and waved.
Tasuku, you’re lucky, aren’t you… so happy…
“Nana?”
A hand touched my shoulder as I looked away. Just as I felt it tighten, Mizuki suddenly straddled my lap, facing me, so I looked up at her in surprise.
Mizuki smiled slyly, her dark eyes gleaming strangely.
“Wh-what? What’s suddenly got into you?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
Mizuki’s hand grabbed my arm and gently guided it around her waist.
What on earth is this?!
Ignoring my confusion, she reached out to hug me. I pushed her shoulders back to stop her.
Mizuki then pouted her lips in obvious displeasure.
“…Today, you let Yamada-san sit on your lap, but you don’t want me?”
“Eh?”
Hearing that, I remembered lunchtime. True, I had let Maki sit on my lap, but we weren’t facing each other… I hadn’t been conscious of it at all, so I’d completely forgotten.
“No, it’s not that, look… If Mizuki sat on my lap, I wouldn’t be able to see Tasuku, would I?”
I tried to divert her attention to Tasuku. But Mizuki didn’t look away from me. Her narrowed gaze pierced me sharply. Wait, is Mizuki angry?
“Do you like Yamada-san, Nana?”
“Of course, she’s my friend and I like her.”
“Hmm. So, have you ever felt your heart race around Yamada-san? You’re always flirting and stuff, you’re really close, aren’t you?”
“I’ve never felt my heart race. Not once.”
“Really?”
Hey, when you act like this jealous girlfriend, it makes my heart flutter like crazy, so stop it!
I wanted to say that, but I was scared she’d pounce on any sign of weakness, so I had no choice but to feign calm to hide my flustered state.
I strained every facial muscle to suppress the grin threatening to spread across my cheeks.
“Well, obviously. It’d be weird to get flustered over a friend, wouldn’t it?”
Despite my earnest denial, she seemed unsatisfied. Suddenly, Mizuki grabbed my uniform tie and yanked it hard. My throat tightened with a gulp, and I widened my eyes in surprise.
“Nana.”
“Y-yes?”
“Don’t get distracted. Don’t look at anyone but me.”
“Eh? What’s that supposed to mean… That’s totally unreasonable…”
Mizuki laughed innocently, showing no remorse at my slip of the tongue.
She cupped both my cheeks with her hands and peered into my face, her long black hair swaying.
“Nana’s mine. I won’t give you to anyone.”
Could it be… Mizuki actually has incredibly strong possessive tendencies…?
As I gasped, Mizuki gently kissed my lips with a soft peck.
In that instant, the restraints of my reason snapped away with startling ease.
Reflexively, I pulled her closer by the arms around her slender waist, straightened my back from where I’d been leaning against the sofa, and drew my face towards hers.
Ah, no, I mustn’t be tempted. Even as I thought it, I found myself drawn to those alluring, soft lips.
To that, Mizuki smiled bewitchingly. It was all because of that smile. That bewildering, enchanting smile.
I touched her lips, biting them lightly. I licked her smooth lips with my tongue, yielding to desire.
How wonderful would it feel to kiss Mizuki more deeply? I wanted to know the softness of that tongue, that sensation.
As if reading my mind, Mizuki parted her lips just a little.
Just as I was about to slip my tongue into that inviting space—
A thud sounded, and we both looked towards Tasuku simultaneously.
There, Tasuku had toppled sideways with a thud and was frozen in shock.
It seemed he’d tried to pull himself up standing and spectacularly failed.
After a moment, Tasuku grasped the situation and let out a loud wail: “Waaah!”
“Oh dear, Tasuku, that must have hurt. It’s my fault. I’m sorry I took my eyes off you.”
As if the passionate kiss moments ago had been a lie, Mizuki pushed my shoulders and pulled away from me with such ease. I longed for her warmth, resenting her departure.
Seeing Mizuki suddenly adopt her big sister persona as she lifted Suku into her arms made me feel a little lonely. I sighed and hung my head.
Ah, that was a close call just now.
Because Mizuki… Mizuki was the one who led me on like that…!
I have no idea how to suppress such violent urges. I’ve been struggling with these feelings for so long, my heart twisted and crushed by guilt, and yet Mizuki… with those very lips that were kissing me moments ago, she kissed Tasuku’s cheek without hesitation, saying “Sorry”. Ugh, you devil, Mizuki!
＊＊＊
“Right then, I should be off now.”
The sun had completely set, night was drawing near, and the time I had to leave arrived in a flash.
“Ah, Nana, wait a moment.”
As I stood up and reached for my coat, I was suddenly hugged tightly from behind, nearly making me gasp.
The soft sensation and warmth against my back made my emotions feel all jumbled up.
“Can’t I stay over at your place this weekend? Mum’s off work.”
“This weekend… but it’s Christmas.”
“Is staying over forbidden at your place?”
“It’s not like that, but…”
“Please? Let’s make loads more memories together while we’re still in secondary school.”
Does that mean she wants to make memories as friends?
Hey, Mitsuki. What on earth are you thinking?
I wish I could ask, but I’m too scared to.
Tentatively turning around, Mitsuki smiled.
That’s not fair. When she gives me that innocent smile like that, I can’t possibly say no.
Truthfully, it makes me incredibly happy. When the girl I like asks me to spend Christmas together.
But every time we make memories like this, thinking about the parting that lies ahead makes my chest ache.
“Oh well… If you want to make memories, does that mean you’ve given up on me staying back home?”
“No, that’s separate! I won’t give up, I won’t.”
Faced with Mizuki’s confident smile, all I could manage was a wry one.
My impression of Mizuki had changed dramatically since the days of my unrequited love.
Her quiet, melancholy gaze; her soft, high-pitched voice retaining just a hint of childishness; those cat-like round eyes peeking out from her silky black hair; and the long lashes visible when she lowered her eyes – it was all of that that had stolen my heart that day.
The girl I’d always followed with my eyes wasn’t one to laugh so innocently.
She didn’t seem the type to exploit knowing affection, demanding selfish things like “Change your path for me,” nor did she appear precarious enough to offer her body to achieve her goals.
It’s strange.
She’s certainly not pure. Rather, she’s cunning and arrogant.
Yet, even knowing the truly cruel, real Mizuki, I can’t bring myself to dislike her in the slightest.
The more I learn, the more I like her.
My head understands.
If I don’t distance myself from Mizuki soon, I’ll surely sustain wounds deep enough to leave me irreparably broken.
Just as I can never bring myself to like men no matter how I struggle, heterosexuals remain heterosexuals no matter what.
I know this, yet I can’t tear myself away from Mizuki, as if drawn by a powerful magnetism.
At first, I just wanted her to remember me. Even if we were far apart, I thought it would be enough if she thought of me just a little. It should have been such a small wish.
Yet here I am, beginning to be ensnared by the desire to stay with Mizuki.
If I were to change my path and choose to remain by Mizuki’s side, could I truly avoid regret?
Even if the day came when my purpose ended and I was discarded as easily as a discarded item.
Could I truly avoid resenting Mizuki?