Episode 19
I flopped down onto the bed.
Just from that, oddly enough, drowsiness came crashing over me, and I let out an involuntary “ugh.”
Part of me wouldn’t have minded just giving in and indulging in a lazy nap — my body seemed to be drifting that way on its own — but even so, the part of me that wanted to stay awake was winning out.
I suppose, technically speaking, I’m still recovering from illness or injury (though I don’t really feel that way myself), so maybe my body genuinely wants the rest more than I realize.
Or, then again, maybe part of it is simply that I didn’t sleep well last night either.
Either way, regardless.
Being in that state, my mind stayed restless and active, uselessly turning thoughts over and over in my head.
Something like — for instance.
“Isn’t this… kind of suspicious?”
No, not exactly suspicious, or, well, something like that.
…I do trust Teresia, no matter what happens, and I intend to keep trusting her.
As a premise, there’s no doubt she’s hiding something from me.
The problem is what, exactly, that something is.
At the very least, given the timing, it’s safe to say it’s not something like her secretly planning my birthday party.
So then what could it be… I don’t know.
It’s not that I mind her keeping something from me — if anything, I think it’s fine for that kind of thing to exist between us.
To begin with, I’ve got a few things I’m keeping from her too, so I’m hardly childish enough to get angry at her for doing the same, at this point.
So then why does it bother me at all? Probably the timing.
…However you look at the process, the journey to defeat the demon lord is over. No doubt about that.
And from here on is the part that comes after.
The current state of things between Teresia and me.
It’s hard to explain in a single sentence.
I think we care for each other. Deeply.
I’d be willing to lay down my life for Teresia’s sake.
Whether she feels the same way about me, I can’t say for certain.
If she wants to stay by my side forever, I’d be overjoyed.
So, going forward—
“Going forward…”
As for what I want to do going forward — I just want to pray for Teresia’s happiness.
Thinking through anything more concrete than that, I keep putting off. Or, more honestly, I can’t think it through at all.
Up until now, I’ve just been an ordinary person, tagging along after Teresia.
Teresia’s the protagonist. I’m the attendant.
To begin with, being ordinary, there’s only so much I could ever really do.
Even now, with a reincarnator’s memories and the demon lord’s power both in my hands, that sense of myself hasn’t changed at all.
But that’s not good enough, is it.
“If that’s the case, then things really can’t stay like this.”
Even so, the current problem is delicately complicated.
The secret I’m keeping from her: that I carry a reincarnator’s memories inside my head.
That right now, I exist having driven out something called the will of the demon lord.
That the will of the demon lord seems not to be a problem for now, but that it apparently still exists, properly, somewhere.
…All of it, problems locked inside my own head.
So honestly, it feels like it’d be fine to just leave it all alone — except that leaving it alone makes me feel gross, somehow, about myself.
And then there’s Teresia.
What could it be, the thing she’s hiding?
Probably, it’s something that requires talking it over with Monica-san.
Monica-san works for the kingdom — the side that sent us out on the journey to defeat the demon lord in the first place.
So whatever she’s prioritizing (regardless of her own personal intentions) is almost certainly, nine times out of ten, the demon lord’s defeat.
And going to consult with her, specifically, about that—
“Is it about me, maybe?”
Teresia doesn’t get along well with Monica-san.
Every time they meet, it’s complicated, or suspicious-sounding, or just plain exhausting to listen to.
So she’s said, more than once, that she’d rather not see her if she can help it — which makes it all the more significant that she went to see her herself, of her own accord.
Setting aside her usual discomfort to go consult with Monica-san means it’s something genuinely important to her.
Something important to Teresia, meaning—
“Even by my own standards, that’s an awful lot of conceit.”
I want to believe that the thing important to Teresia is me.
Just as I think of Teresia, I want her to be thinking of me too.
…She went to consult Monica-san about how to deal with me, the demon lord.
And knowing Teresia’s personality, she’d probably want to keep that a secret from me.
Still, exactly what she’s planning to do about it, specifically — even I can’t tell.
At a time like this, I find myself resenting my past self for being content to settle for the role of “ordinary person” and neglecting to actually study anything.
If I’d only had the knowledge, maybe I could have figured out what Teresia’s planning to do—
“Hah…”
I let out a sigh, then shook my head and thought, “enough excuses,” switching my thinking over.
“The only reason I keep going in circles inside my own head like this is because I don’t have the courage to just ask Teresia directly.”
There’s no point agonizing over it.
In the end, asking Teresia herself directly is the surest way.
And at that time — it’ll feel a bit like an afterthought, but — I should talk about myself too.
About the demon lord. About being a reincarnator. All of it.
I don’t know what’s waiting beyond that.
But if it leads to an ending Teresia and I can both accept, that’s enough for me.
“Alright, decided.”
I left my room, and made my way to Teresia’s door.
Then I knocked and called out, “Teresia, you in there~?”
“……”
“……”
“……?”
“……”
“…Teresia, I’m opening the door, okay?”
Cautiously, I opened the door.
“Eh?”
There was no one in the room.