Episode 6: Do I Not Have to Refuse?
They say a person’s true nature shows when they’re weak or cornered, and I believe that to be true.
Last night, I think I blurted out something utterly ridiculous because of the fever.
When I woke up this morning, Yui-san was already gone, and my temperature had returned to normal.
My body was sticky with sweat from the high fever, so I headed to the bathroom to freshen up with a shower.
Yui-san didn’t seem to be awake yet.
Thinking back on yesterday, it felt more than a little awkward – it felt downright awkward.
I turned on the tap and let the hot water pour over my head. It was about time Yui-san would wake up. I needed to think of an excuse, some kind of excuse…
Just as I was thinking that, I heard a knock on the bathroom door. My heart clenched.
Yui had woken up. She must have come to wash her face.
I turned off the tap with a click and turned around. Through the frosted glass, I could see Yui’s silhouette.
“You’re taking a shower first thing in the morning when you’ve got a cold?”
She said it with an exasperated tone, but I couldn’t help it – the sweat was making me feel sick.
“My fever’s gone down, so I’m fine now.”
My own voice echoed in the bathroom, sounding unnaturally weak. It felt even worse because I was feeling guilty about last night. I needed to say thank you and sorry, but I was too embarrassed and couldn’t find the words.
“Right then, that’s good.”
I turned the tap again. Once I’d finished showering, I’d look her in the face and properly express my gratitude.
And if possible, I hoped she’d forget yesterday’s blunder.
Stepping out of the bathroom, I was wringing the water from my hair with a towel when I noticed something.
It wasn’t there. The hairdryer wasn’t in its usual spot.
Since only Yui-san and I were in this house, if someone was playing a prank, there was only one culprit.
“…Oh, Yui-san, really…”
Had I been too selfish yesterday and made her angry? Was this her revenge?
Feeling uneasy, I draped the bath towel over my shoulders and headed for the living room.
“Yui-san, um, the hairdryer…”
Before I could finish, Yui-san, sitting on the sofa, noticed me and beckoned me over with a little wave.
In her other hand, she held the very hairdryer I’d been searching for.
“Come here, I’ll dry your hair for you.”
“Eh?”
Was she not angry about yesterday after all? Hesitantly approaching, she patted the sofa, so I sat down as prompted.
“Um, Yui-san…”
“Turn around.”
Unable to bring up yesterday’s incident, I turned around as instructed.
I heard the pop of a cap being removed.
“Is it alright if I use my hair oil? Unless you dislike the scent.”
Saying that, her hand, with just a little oil on the back, reached around from behind. A sweet, gentle fragrance.
Ah, this is the scent of Yui-san’s hair, mixed with her perfume. I always thought it smelled lovely.
“I don’t mind.”
“Good. I’ll put it in then.”
The hand, now coated in oil, gently combed through my hair. It felt oddly ticklish, this level of care.
Maybe this is what it would be like if I had an older sister, I thought, but quickly dismissed the idea. It still didn’t quite fit.
Then… what if she were my girlfriend? Thinking that, it suddenly felt perfectly natural.
“…Yui-san, you might be suited to being a hairdresser.”
“Hm? Why?”
Her movements drying my hair were practised, soft and pleasant.
“You’re really good at drying hair.”
“Oh? If you’d like, I could dry it for you every day.”
How many women’s hair had she dried like this before? It was a skill that showed her experience, but it didn’t feel unpleasant.
“…But you’re not home every day, are you?”
“I wonder…”
The voice from behind sounded somehow more cheerful than usual.
My hair is quite long too, not inferior to Yui-san’s, so drying it must be a real chore.
“Right, all done.”
Those wonderfully soothing fingers withdrew. Suppressing my reluctance to let go, I turned around. Yui-san smiled gently and stroked my head.
“…Thank you.”
“Mhm. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine now.”
“Really? That’s good to hear.”
I grasped Yui-san’s hand as she coiled the hairdryer cord. Taking a deep breath, I looked straight into her eyes, as dark and deep as the sea that night.
“Um… I’m sorry for being so selfish. I don’t even know why I said those things myself…”
She stared back intently, and I couldn’t hold her gaze, my eyes darting away. I couldn’t meet her serious stare.
“Ah… yesterday?”
Yui’s hand reached for my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Honestly, I was a bit taken aback.”
Knowing how much she dislikes hassle, I worried that even though she’s kind, she probably didn’t much care for the troublesome type of selfishness I displayed.
“…I’m sorry.”
When I apologised, Yui chuckled softly.
“Why are you laughing? I’m genuinely sorry.”
“Because you’re adorable, Kanata.”
“Adorable? What about me…”
As I repeated her words, trying to grasp their meaning, she suddenly closed the distance between us. I instinctively put my hands behind me for support.
Her perfectly formed face drew near. Close enough to kiss. My heart suddenly began pounding wildly.
Eh? What? What’s happening?
Her hand reached out, cupping my chin, her thumb brushing my lips. Her eyes, utterly confident, as if she didn’t for a moment think I might refuse, nearly overwhelmed me.
“…I’ve found one of your weaknesses, Kanata.”
“Ah, um… Yui-san…?”
Her dark eyes fixed on my lips. Her thumb traced my lips gently, my breath becoming shallow and rapid.
So close. What should I do? What should I do?
“Hey… you don’t have to agree, you know?”
Whispered in an unnaturally sweet voice, as if to say she really would kiss me, I snapped back to my senses and pushed Yui-san’s shoulder hard. Her body pulled away with surprising ease.
“…Fufu.”
Looking up, I saw Yui-san laughing, unable to hold it in, and only then did I realise I’d been teased.
“Yu, Yui-san!”
“Ahaha”
Her gaze, so intense just moments ago, had returned to normal as if it had never happened, draining all the tension from my body.
I was genuinely startled. Placing a hand over my chest, I could still feel my heart pounding.
“Kanata, you really are far too easily swayed.”
“Is that… my weakness…?”
“If anyone thinks they can push you around, you’re done for. Be careful.”
I almost snapped back, “Is that your rule of thumb?” but swallowed it down.
“Please, stop teasing me…”
“Sorry, sorry. But I genuinely thought it was cute. Is Kanata always like that with her boyfriend?”
No. I’ve never been affectionate with anyone before.
But saying that would be far too embarrassing. Saying it’s only because it’s you that I’m being affectionate… that would be practically a confession.
“…It’s a secret.”
“Having such a lovely girlfriend, yet you were with a bloke who cheated on you? Kanata, you absolutely have no eye for men.”
To be honest, half of Yui-san’s analysis is spot on. My previous boyfriend and I got together because he said he liked me, and I just gave in.
But we broke up for a different reason.
“…The truth is, it was my fault he cheated on me.”
“Your fault?”
“He dumped me because I couldn’t have sex properly. When a man touched me, my body just froze up. I just couldn’t do it.”
Yui’s hand gently takes mine. It’s tender and warm.
For some reason, I felt I could tell Yui. The real reason I hesitate when it comes to love.
To men, I’m surely worthless if I can’t respond to sex.
“Have you been holding back all this time?”
“Well, isn’t that just normal when you’re dating?”
“…I don’t think it is. You shouldn’t do something that causes pain to someone you like.”
I hadn’t expected those words to come from Yui-san’s mouth. Startled, I stared at her.
“…Do you even understand the feeling of liking someone? I mean, you go out with so many different people…”
After saying it, I realised how harsh my words had been.
“I understand. I’ve liked people before.”
Despite my confrontational tone, her calm voice left me breathless.
My heart clenched as if squeezed tight.
“What’s that look for?”
“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t have a girlfriend?”
“I never said I never had one.”
“…Why did you break up? Did you cheat?”
“Of course not. I’m the type who cherishes someone once I’m in a relationship. I’d never cheat. I’d be utterly devoted.”
I could certainly understand what she meant by devoted. I could picture it. But…
“…I can’t imagine Yui-san being so single-minded. So why did it end up like this?”
“I was the one who got dumped, and it’s true the breakup was my fault, but what I want to talk about now isn’t me…”
I could feel the tension in Yui-san’s hand. Her serious eyes pierced me.
“I don’t think you need to suppress your own feelings just to meet someone else’s demands. You’re fine just as you are, Kanata.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Of course. If you’re dating someone you love, you shouldn’t have to endure and conform. And if they resent that, they’re not worth being with.”
It felt like a thorn that had been lodged deep in my chest for ages had finally been pulled out. I realised now – I’d been wishing someone would say that to me all along.
“…Heh. I never thought Yui-san would say that.”
“Kanata, you really ought to learn how to say no. Absolutely. Value yourself more.”
She pulled my arm and hugged me tightly. It felt so good I closed my eyes and nestled into her chest.
That uniquely feminine softness felt wonderful. When our bodies pressed together without a single gap, I relaxed as if all my strength drained away.
I felt I finally understood the real reason why this person was so popular.
At the same time, a question arose unexpectedly.
The existence of that ex-girlfriend — the one she’d supposedly cherished so deeply and been so devoted to, yet whom she’d ended things with.
Ritsu-san had mentioned before that Yui-san had been like this since her first year of university. If so, then in high school?
Had Yui-san’s decision to “not have a lover” also stemmed from that relationship with her ex?
Some people are spoilt.
If I had gained the right to have this kind person all to myself, I don’t think I could bring myself to let them go.