Episode Six: You Don’t Have to Refuse?
They say a person’s true nature comes out when they’re weak, or cornered, and I think that’s actually true.
Last night, running that fever, I think I said some genuinely outrageous things.
By the time I woke this morning, Yui-san was already gone, and my temperature had dropped back to normal.
I’d sweated so much overnight from the fever that my whole body felt sticky, and wanting to feel clean again, I headed for the bathroom to shower.
Yui-san didn’t seem to be up yet.
Thinking back over yesterday, “a little awkward” didn’t begin to cover it — it was mortifying.
I turned the tap and let the hot water run over my head. Yui-san would be getting up soon. I needed an excuse ready, some kind of excuse…
While I was still working on that, a knock sounded at the bathroom door, and my heart clenched tight.
Yui-san must be up. Come to wash her face, probably.
I twisted the tap shut and turned around, and through the frosted glass I could make out her silhouette.
“You’re taking a shower in the morning, with a cold?”
She said it like she couldn’t quite believe me, but I’d been drenched in sweat and gross — there was no helping it.
“My fever’s down, so, I’m fine now.”
My own voice, echoing in the bathroom, sounded strangely weak. Guilt over last night probably had something to do with it. I needed to say thank you, and sorry, but embarrassment stuck the words in my throat.
“Yeah? Good, then.”
I turned the tap back on. Once I finished the shower, I’d look her in the eye and say a proper thank you.
And if I could manage it, I’d pray she’d just forget about yesterday’s mess entirely.
*
Stepping out of the bathroom, drying my hair off with a towel, I noticed something.
It wasn’t there. The hair dryer, gone from its usual spot.
There was no one else in this house but me and Yui-san, so if this was a prank, there was only one possible culprit.
“…Ugh, Yui-san, seriously…”
Maybe she’d gotten annoyed with me yesterday for being too demanding. Was this payback?
A little anxious, I threw a bath towel over my shoulders and headed for the living room.
“Yui-san, um, the dryer…”
I’d barely gotten the words out when Yui-san, sitting on the sofa, noticed me and waved me over with a little beckoning motion.
The dryer I’d been hunting for sat in her other hand.
“C’mere, I’ll dry it for you.”
“Huh?”
Maybe she wasn’t actually mad about yesterday after all? I approached cautiously, and she patted the sofa cushion, so I let myself be nudged into sitting down.
“Um, Yui-san…”
“Turn around.”
Still unable to bring up yesterday, I did as told and faced away.
I heard the little pop of a cap being twisted off something.
“Hair oil, mine okay? As long as you don’t hate the smell.”
Her hand, lightly slicked with oil, reached toward me from behind. A sweet, gentle scent.
Ah — this was the smell in Yui-san’s hair, the one that mixed in under her perfume. I’d always thought it smelled nice.
“I don’t mind it.”
“Good. Here we go, then.”
Her oiled hands worked gently through my hair, combing it through. Being taken care of like this, so thoroughly, left me feeling strangely ticklish, somewhere inside.
Maybe this was what it would feel like to have an older sister, I thought, and then immediately reconsidered. No, that didn’t sit right either.
Then… a girlfriend, maybe. That thought settled disturbingly well.
“…Yui-san, you might be cut out for hairdressing.”
“Hm? Why’s that?”
Her hands worked the dryer with practiced ease, soft and soothing.
“You’re really good at drying hair.”
“You think? I’ll dry it for you every day, if you want.”
How many women’s hair had she dried like this before now. The skill gave away just how much practice lay behind it, though somehow that didn’t bother me.
“…You’re not even home every day, though.”
“Guess not.”
Her voice, drifting from behind me, sounded somehow more cheerful than usual.
My hair was about as long as Yui-san’s, so it must have taken real effort to dry it properly.
“There, all done.”
The pleasant fingers pulled away. I turned around, biting back a small pang of reluctance, and found Yui-san smiling gently, reaching out to pat my head.
“…Thank you very much.”
“Mm. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine now.”
“Yeah? Good, I’m glad.”
I caught her hand as she wound up the dryer’s cord. Drawing in a deep breath, I looked straight into eyes as black as a midnight sea.
“Um… I said a lot of selfish things, I’m sorry. I don’t even really know why I said any of that…”
Held under her steady gaze, I couldn’t bear it for long and let my eyes drift away. Looked at that seriously, I couldn’t hold still.
“Ah… about yesterday?”
Her hand reached for my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Honestly, I was a little surprised.”
She hated anything that felt like a hassle — and however kind she was, I couldn’t shake the worry that my clingy, high-maintenance kind of selfishness wasn’t the sort of thing she’d welcome.
“…I’m sorry.”
At my apology, Yui-san let out a small laugh.
“Why are you laughing, I’m being serious…”
“You’re just cute.”
“Cute, what part of that was…”
I repeated it back, trying to work out what she meant, and she closed the distance between us in one motion, close enough that I braced a hand behind me without thinking.
Her face, perfectly composed, came in close. Close enough to kiss. My heart lurched into a sudden, racing beat.
Wait, what, what’s happening.
Her hand came up to cup my chin, her thumb brushing my lip. Her eyes held not a shred of doubt that I’d refuse, and the sheer confidence in them was almost overwhelming.
“…Found one of your weak spots.”
“Um… Yui-san…?”
Her dark eyes stayed fixed on my mouth. Her thumb traced gently along my lip, and my breath went shallow, quick.
Too close. What do I do. What am I supposed to do.
“Hey… you don’t have to refuse, you know?”
I really will kiss you, she murmured, voice pointedly sweet, and I snapped back to myself and shoved her shoulder as hard as I could — and she pulled back with almost comical ease.
“…Heh.”
I looked up to find her failing to hold back laughter, and only then did the truth land: she’d been teasing me.
“Y-Yui-san!”
“Ahaha.”
That heated look from a second ago had vanished like it was never there, back to her usual self, and all the tension drained out of my body at once.
I really had been thrown. I pressed a hand to my chest — my heart was still pounding, hard.
“You know, Kanata, you’re way too weak to pushing.”
“That’s my weak spot? Seriously?”
“If a girl gets the idea that pushing works on you, that’s it, game over. Be careful.”
Is that experience talking? I wanted to snipe, but swallowed it back down.
“Just, stop teasing me…”
“Sorry, sorry. But I really did think it was cute. Are you always like that with your boyfriends, Kanata?”
No. I’d never let myself be babied by anyone, not once, before this.
But saying that out loud felt far too embarrassing. It’s only with you that I let myself be like this — that would be basically a confession.
“…That’s a secret.”
“Cheating on a girlfriend this cute — whoever that guy was, you clearly have zero taste in men, Kanata.”
Honestly, her read wasn’t entirely wrong. My ex, too — I’d only ended up with him because he pushed, insisting he liked me, and I’d caved.
But the reason we broke up was something else entirely.
“…Him cheating — honestly, the cause was me.”
“The cause?”
“He dumped me because I couldn’t do sex properly. Whenever a man touched me, my body would just shut down, I couldn’t help it, I just couldn’t.”
Yui-san’s hand closed gently around mine. Warm, and kind.
Somehow, I felt like I could tell Yui-san. The real reason I’d gone cold on romance.
To a man, someone like me, who couldn’t respond properly during sex, probably had no value at all.
“You just kept enduring it, this whole time?”
“Well, isn’t that just normal, when you’re dating someone?”
“…I don’t think that’s normal. It’s not something you do to someone you like, not at the cost of hurting them.”
I hadn’t expected a line like that out of Yui-san, and I stared at her, startled.
“…Do you even understand what liking someone feels like, Yui-san? You sleep around with all kinds of people.”
The second the words left me, I realized how cutting they’d sounded.
“I understand. I’ve had someone I liked, before.”
I’d said it half-spoiling for a fight, and her answer came back so calm and even that it knocked the breath out of me.
Something in my chest clenched, tight.
“What’s with that face?”
“Didn’t you say you don’t do girlfriends?”
“I never said I hadn’t had one.”
“…Why’d you break up? Did you cheat?”
“No way. If I’m actually with someone, I take care of them properly. I’d never cheat. I go all in, completely.”
Going all in, completely — I could actually believe that. I could picture it. But…
“…I can’t picture you being devoted to just one person. So then, why’d it end up like this?”
“I’m the one who got dumped, and yeah, the reason we broke up was on me, but that’s not really what I want to talk about right now…”
I felt her hand tighten around mine. Her eyes, serious, pinned me in place.
“You don’t have to kill your own feelings just to meet someone else’s wants. You’re fine exactly as you are, Kanata.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Of course. If two people actually like each other and choose to be together, there shouldn’t be any need to force yourself to go along with something you hate — and if someone can’t accept that, they’re not worth being with.”
Something that had been lodged deep in my chest for a long time finally seemed to work itself loose. Only now did I realize — I’d been waiting, this whole time, for someone to say exactly that to me.
“…Heh. I didn’t expect to hear that from you, Yui-san.”
“You should really learn how to say no, Kanata. Seriously. Take better care of yourself.”
She pulled my arm and drew me into a tight embrace. It felt good, and I closed my eyes, nestling into her chest.
The particular softness of a woman’s body, warm and pleasant. Pressed flush together with no gap between us, I felt the tension draining out of me, easy and relaxed.
I felt like I finally understood, properly, the real reason this person was so irresistible to women.
And at the same moment, a question surfaced out of nowhere.
Someone who cherished people this much, who’d apparently gone all in for just one person — who was the ex who’d dumped her?
Ritsu-san had mentioned once that Yui-san had already been like this since freshman year. Which meant — high school, maybe?
Had Yui-san’s decision to never have a girlfriend again started with that relationship, whatever it had been?
Some people really don’t know how good they have it.
If it were me — if I’d ever won the right to have this kind, wonderful person all to myself — I don’t think I could ever let go of that on my own.