Episode 28: Your Heartbeat… It’s Fast
“Can I sleep together with you?”
I couldn’t bring myself to refuse Yuno’s question, and we ended up lying side by side in the bed.
I turned immediately to face the wall and pulled the covers up over my head.
A rustling of fabric, and warmth gradually seeped through.
Yuno had pressed herself flush against my back.
Just that, and my pulse leapt, loud and hard.
Cute, dear — every troublesome feeling like that gets dragged up out of me by nothing more than this one warmth.
From behind me, a sweet, slightly hoarse voice dropped down.
“Big sis.”
“What.”
“Look this way?”
“No.”
“Then… I’ll tickle you.”
Smoothly, both of Yuno’s hands slipped under my arms.
“Fine, fine, I get it!”
I rolled over, and there was Yuno’s face, right there.
Much closer than I’d expected. Close enough our noses might bump.
My heart gave one heavy jolt.
Yuno narrowed her eyes and slowly lifted one corner of her mouth. Her quiet laugh brushed warm against my cheek.
Then, slowly, she opened her eyes. Glistening, faintly shining. I felt myself being pulled into the depths of those large eyes, and caught my breath, looking away on reflex.
Cute.
I want this smile directed only at me.
I want to make her mine.
There it was again — that thought.
My heart kept pounding, painfully, and my face was hot. But the heat wasn’t only excitement. Something heavier was mixed in too, something that felt like it was slowly scorching, smouldering — or so it seemed.
“Saeko was… with Yuno…”
Matsuyama’s voice crossed my mind, and my chest clenched all at once.
That’s right. Yuno isn’t mine.
Not a lover, not anything. Just a housemate.
Someday, surely, she’ll go back to Saeko.
“I’ve fallen for someone else. Please let me go.”
My old lover’s words carved into my chest like an old wound.
Going in deep, losing her, repeating that pain all over again.
I don’t want that. Not anymore.
While my head was spinning with all this, Yuno’s hand drifted softly toward me. With a small tilt of her head, she gently cupped my cheek. Her fingertips were cool.
“…!”
“Big sis, your face is hot.”
“Quiet… let me sleep.”
“Mm, that’s true. You must be tired.”
She said it, and wrapped an arm firmly around my waist.
Completely, fully pressed together.
Yuno brought her ear slowly to my chest. I stole a glance at her face. Long lashes lowered, cheeks faintly flushed. That face was so unguarded it made me want to protect her, and at the same time, just looking at it made it hard to breathe.
“It’s calming.”
“…!”
“Your heartbeat… it’s fast.”
“…! That’s enough, already…!”
“Why? Is your heart racing?”
She looked up at me from below.
In the depths of those eyes, something sweet and faintly mischievous bled through — a dangerous quality, as if she understood everything while wearing that artless face.
Why does this girl stir people up like this.
Yuno’s face drew closer.
She rested her forehead against mine and said, quietly:
“I was lonely, you know? Because big sis wouldn’t talk to me.”
“That… I’m sorry.”
A small pause.
“…I thought maybe I was going to be thrown away again.”
Her voice was hoarse, something that sounded like coaxing, like clinging. The resonance of it struck straight into my chest.
I couldn’t say anything back.
Yuno’s lips were right there.
If I let them touch, I thought, it would be over. There would be no going back this time, not really.
My breathing went shallow. I forgot to blink. Close enough that I could see each individual lash. My gaze was pulled toward those plump, pink lips.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
My own heartbeat rang in my ears.
Yuno parted her lips, slightly. Her warm breath touched mine——
At that instant, Matsuyama’s voice burst open in my head.
“Saeko was… with Yuno——”
“…!”
I turned my face away.
A silence fell, for a while.
“…What’s wrong?”
Yuno tilted her head slightly. The mischievous light from a moment ago had gone, replaced with something bewildered, something faintly hurt.
Her brows drooping in that expression made it hurt all the more.
So many times now, I had touched these lips.
Knowing it was wrong and still being swept along, wanting her, drowning, kissing her like I was devouring something.
But that was — only possible because I didn’t know.
Because I didn’t know Saeko existed.
“…Sorry. It’s not that.”
I didn’t even know myself what “not that” meant, or what exactly I was apologizing for.
“Why are you apologizing?”
Yuno’s voice carried no accusation. And that, somehow, made it press down harder on my chest.
“You’ve got…”
You have Saeko, don’t you.
That was the one thing I couldn’t say, no matter what.
If I said it, I felt like this ambiguous relationship would come to an end. I didn’t want to hear the answer from Yuno’s own mouth. I was afraid.
“…It’s nothing. Going to sleep.”
I turned my back. My throat felt raw.
“Big sis, um——”
After a small pause, Yuno started to say something. Her voice seemed, just slightly, to tremble.
“…Never mind. Good night.”
A gentle, faintly sorrowful tone.
Then the rustle of the blanket being pulled, and the warmth I’d felt until a moment ago drew away.
What had Yuno been about to say.
My chest kept throbbing, ache after ache, and breathing was hard. Even with my eyes closed, the feeling of that breath against my lips wouldn’t fade.
Facing the wall, the night passed by, slowly.