Episode 91: Kanata looks adorable in anything she wears, so it’s hard to choose!

Much earlier than usual, I awoke on Christmas Eve morning.

After shaking Yui-san awake when her alarm failed to rouse her, we ate breakfast together. She then drove me back to the flat, where I hurriedly got ready.
I made sure not to forget the present I planned to secretly place by her pillow tonight, tucking it into my bag.

Once today’s work was done, it would be the long-awaited Christmas date with Yui-san.

I peered into the wardrobe.
　Truthfully, I wanted to wear something proper, hoping she might find me even a little bit cute.
But wearing something too dressed up on a day like today would surely make me stand out at work. Reluctantly, I chose my usual work skirt and tried it on in front of the mirror.

I forced myself to accept it, suppressing my lingering disappointment. It was work today, and this was unavoidable.
Besides, I was sure Yui-san would say I looked cute no matter what I wore.

　But on a special day like this, I wanted to dress up a bit more too.
Because I always want to be the kind of woman who can at least somewhat match her beauty.

Ah, if only today had been a day off.

I couldn’t take my time choosing clothes because I was keeping Yui-san waiting in the car.
In the end, I threw on my usual outfit, draped yesterday’s brown coat over it, and dashed out of the house.

＊＊＊

It’s not as if it matters if anyone sees us together.

The president and her secretary. And both women. It wouldn’t be a problem if anyone saw us.

I know that — but right now, sitting in the driver’s seat of this car isn’t me, the secretary, but the president herself. And this isn’t a company car, it’s her personal vehicle.

　It’s not unusual for a secretary to drive the president to and from appointments, but the reverse is another matter entirely.
Generally speaking, presidents don’t drive their secretaries around. Thinking about it that way, it really was a situation that would seem odd if anyone saw us.

So, reluctantly, I got out of the car alone a short distance from the office, looking around nervously to make sure no one was watching.
　It’s Christmas Eve, so our company’s hotels and restaurants are fully booked. Yui-san is heading straight out on her rounds, so we part ways here this morning.
We plan to meet up after work.

“Right then, Yui-san, see you later.”

“Right. Take care.”

Waving goodbye to her white saloon car as it pulled away, I too began walking towards the office.

I don’t dislike the crisp air of a winter morning, but today is simply too cold. I shoved my numb hands into my coat pockets and exhaled a white cloud of breath.

　Even if everything proceeds smoothly and Yui-san manages to break off her engagement with Kitakami-san without incident, I never intended to publicly announce our relationship within the company.
I simply want Yui-san by my side; I have absolutely no desire for recognition from anyone beyond our immediate circle.
I’m sure Yui-san feels the same.

Still, I do hope the day comes soon when we no longer have to sneak around like this.

　Someday, I hope the world becomes a place where we can simply say we love the person we love, without caring about anyone else’s gaze.

Secret relationships aren’t all bad — but my lover is beautiful and kind, and so incredibly popular with both men and women that it causes far too much worry.

Yui-san seems to skilfully hide it so I don’t notice, but I wasn’t unaware of her reputation within the company.

　It’s just the way it is that Yui-san is popular. She’s been like that since school, it’s simply who she is. And I fell in love with that person.
Still… I’d rather avoid unnecessary worries if I can.

There’s nothing for it when love makes you anxious, even when you know you’re loved. It’s like some sort of illness, I suppose.
I wish I could be more straightforward about it, but I’m also scared of getting too jealous and having her think I’m a pain.

　I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks, but I want Yui to think I’m cute. If possible, forever, no matter how many years pass.

Thinking that – even though it’s a special Christmas date, turning up in my usual outfit feels somehow dull.
I slump my shoulders, wishing I’d worn something cuter. Regretting it now is too late, though.

　I swiped my ID through the security gate and tapped it on the attendance system terminal.
The office felt quieter than usual. The admin department was as busy as ever, but the sales desks were deserted; everyone seemed to be out on support or patrols.

Head office staff are busiest during the preparation period, but once the peak season arrives, the field teams become overwhelmingly busier. Today is probably the peak day.

Once we get through Christmas and New Year, this hectic pace should settle down.

I glance over at the Budget Management Department’s desks. At the desk I used to sit at, there was a young female newcomer who’d transferred over from autumn.

　Perhaps I should pop over to my old Budget Management Section to say hello sometime. With that thought, I headed towards the empty president’s office.

Right after Christmas, the long holiday break begins. This year, I’m returning to London for the first time in ages. It’ll be lonely not being with Yui-san over New Year, but it’s important, so there’s no helping it.
I must finish as much preparation as possible to avoid causing trouble during my absence. With that in mind, I took off my coat and turned to face the PC monitor.

＊＊＊

Yui-san’s message saying “I’m here” arrived just as I left the office. Outside, it had grown completely dark.
Even though we’d been together all night yesterday, just the thought of seeing her now made my heart oddly thump-thump faster.

I replied “Heading straight over” and hurried to our meeting spot. The cold wind brushing my cheeks didn’t bother me at all.

　Heading towards the station where we’d arranged to meet, I spotted Yui-san immediately and hurried over.
A black woollen coat, a blue checked scarf. Even from a distance, her tall, slender figure was instantly recognisable.

“Yui-san, sorry to keep you waiting. You must be exhausted.”

“Oh, not at all. You too, Kanata.”

Her dark eyes looked down at me, narrowing gently with affection. It felt like my heart had been squeezed.

The whole town was wrapped in Christmas atmosphere; tonight was such a special night.
She gently took my hand and slipped it into her pocket, then smiled softly.

“Right then, shall we go?”

　I nodded and started walking.
Earlier, I’d been in such a hurry, my mind occupied solely with Yui-san, that I hadn’t even noticed it. Now, a large Christmas tree came into view at the edge of my vision.
Faint orange lights sparkled, and suddenly, they caught my eye.

Christmas comes every year. Since returning to Japan, I’d spent every winter alone, and I’d probably seen illuminations like this countless times before.

Only now do I realise just how large this Christmas tree truly is.
It’s strange. Simply having someone you care for beside you makes everything seem to shine so brightly.

Once you know the comfort of being together, being alone becomes painful. The blurred outline of ‘loneliness’ becomes sharply defined, making you acutely aware of the solitude.

Had I never known this burning passion, I believe one could surely live alone.

　But once you know the comfort of being together, you suddenly can’t live alone anymore.

It makes you stronger, yet weaker too. I can no longer imagine a life without Yui-san.

I don’t want to remember, but Kitakami-san’s face flashed through my mind.
He probably doesn’t know. That such a strong feeling, one that makes your heart burn like this, exists in this world.
　I hope someday he finds someone like that too. Then he’d surely understand how I feel.

There are things people simply cannot compromise on.

I clenched the hand we held in my pocket. When Yui-san asked me, “What’s wrong?”, I just shook my head and said, “Nothing.”

＊＊＊

　Yui-san said to leave the date plans to her, so I have no idea where she intends to take me today.

Back when we were students, I recall her saying, “Let’s have a clichéd date,” and we went to see the planetarium.
I remember us promising to go somewhere together someday where the stars would be beautiful.
Today’s sky, with snow flurrying on and off, is covered in thick clouds, not a single star visible.

　I wonder if that promise still stands. Hoping it does, I walked along, her hand in mine.

“By the way, where are we going today?”

“You’ve been working all day, so you must be hungry, right? I’ve booked dinner at a hotel.”

“Eh? Is there a dress code? I’m just wearing my everyday clothes…”

　If that was the case, you could have said so from the start, you tease. Thinking this, I puffed out my cheeks in a sulk. Yui-san smiled brightly and peered into my face.
She looked as though she’d seen right through me from the beginning.

“It’s fine. I was planning to go shopping for clothes right now anyway.”

“Huh…?”

“Never mind that. Just come with me.”

Shall we go clothes shopping too? What on earth?

A question mark floated above my head. Without understanding why, I followed Yui-san. When she brought me to the shop, I gasped at the name of the brand displayed there – one I knew well.

“Um, Yui-san? You mean shopping for clothes… here?”

“Yep. I’ve booked us in, so let’s hurry in.”

“Ah, wait, Yui-san…!”

She tugged my arm firmly, pulling me into the dazzlingly bright shop interior where the stark white floor reflected the light.

What to do? True to form, Yui-san’s ‘spending habit’ was kicking in again.

Just as she’d said, she smoothly gave her name to the shop assistant, and we were promptly ushered into a private room at the back.
　My back stiffened with nervous tension. I wasn’t used to this sort of thing, so I fidgeted.

“I had them pick out a few dresses beforehand.”

Just as Yui-san said, several expensive-looking formal dresses were already laid out in the private room.
I couldn’t help but swallow hard. Items in places like this never have price tags, do they? Of course…

　Yui-san, seemingly utterly unconcerned about the price, casually picked up a small black bag and smiled brightly, saying, “This one’s cute, I think it would suit Kanata.”

“Hey, Yui-san, are we really buying something here?”

I tugged her sleeve quietly, making sure the shop assistant couldn’t hear, and her dark eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh, sorry. Did you dislike this brand?”

“It’s not that… It’s just, the brands here are expensive, aren’t they…?”

“Don’t worry about that. Think of this as a Christmas present too. Just pick whatever you like.”

“But… but…”

Is Yui-san serious? This feels like something out of a film. Is it really okay to be treated like this? Somehow, it feels like Yui-san’s habit of lavishing gifts on me is accelerating year by year.

　Admittedly, every dress laid out was lovely. But being told to choose one made me hesitate.
The price probably didn’t even register for Yui-san, but as a commoner, I just couldn’t help but care and couldn’t decide.

When I pouted, Yui-san seemed to read my mind, smiling as she ruffled my hair.

“Hmm, well then, I’ll choose for you. Is that alright?”

With that, she took the dresses laid out without a word, picking them up cheerfully and began draping them over my body.
Her expression looked so utterly delighted that my chest tightened, a pang of something deep inside.

“What shall I do? You look adorable in anything, Kanata, so it’s hard to choose.”

Just as I’d thought, Yui-san always gives me the words I long to hear.
That I look adorable in anything. She said it again, just as I hoped. Suddenly, the tension drained from my shoulders.

“…Yui-san.”

“Hmm?”

“…That one from earlier. The black one.”

I don’t usually wear black much. But I thought that dress was lovely. It resembled the colour of Yui-san’s eyes, like the night sea.
When I murmured it, almost like I was being spoiled, Yui-san smiled happily.

“This one? Right. Then choose some shoes too.”

Yui-san surely didn’t care about the price at all; she just wanted to make me happy.
A gift should be something nice, something you can use for a long time. I understood that sentiment perfectly.

Paying no mind to the shop assistant watching us, I pressed myself close to her arm, peered at the pumps, then pointed at a pair. “These are nice too. Try them on sometime. They’ll suit you perfectly.”

That’s why she chose this shop, thinking they’d suit me.
That thought made me so incredibly happy, it was overwhelming.

I nodded, and Yui-san smiled happily again.

This morning, I’d been really regretting choosing my outfit so carelessly — but I changed my mind.
Because the clothes Yui-san gave me as a present are definitely going to look much better.