Episode 26: Thought
“Rewaaard! What are you going to choose, Senior Momotsuki?”
“… [Thought] is forbidden.”
“But, but, we’ve been ordered to choose, haven’t we? By the [Principal]!”
On the way back from the principal’s office to the dormitory, [Momotsuki Haruka] and [Kizuki Natsuki] chatted as they nibbled on the unpalatable biscuits issued to them.
“…Something’s…”
“Woof?”
“You haven’t changed much, even after the surgery.”
Fluffy golden hair… a wig.
Round, golden eyes.
A small, young, innocent-looking girl.
[Chihuahua Yellow].
The girl who had undergone surgery, had part of her brain burned away, and lost her name was now trotting along behind [Momotsuki Haruka], the form stating her preferred reward clutched to her chest.
“…I’m choosing the pudding! Not the ration stuff, but the sweet, slightly bitter, sweetie-sweet kind from a pâtissier!”
“Right.”
“What about you, Senior?”
“…”
“Seni-o-o-or?”
“…A teddy bear. XL size.”
“You really like teddy bears, Senior.”
“Shut up.”
“That’s right.”
“?”
Kizuki Natsuki lowered her voice.
*
“We have likes and dislikes, you know. We do.”
*
Momotsuki Haruka stopped walking.
“…Have you told the adults?”
“I don’t wanna.”
“Tell them. They’ll have to adjust you. Likes and dislikes that haven’t been programmed in are…”
“You just thought that, Senior.”
“[Thought] is forbidden.”
“But you made a judgement.”
You’ve been doing it all along, Natsuki said. This whole time.
“It’s strange. I find it strange. If we don’t [Thought], if we don’t feel anything or think about anything… then we don’t need meetings. They could just tell us what’s already been decided. That would be enough.”
“…Natsuki, don’t.”
“Hey, Senior. Am I really the only one who’s wrong?
You’re different, aren’t you?
Did the surgery fail?
You’re not feeling anything, anything at all, are you…?”
Momotsuki Haruka silenced Kizuki Natsuki.
With her hand.
“Don’t.”
“…Ugh.”
“Really. Don’t. Understand?”
She took her hand away.
“…I’m sorry. I…”
“Make sure the adults don’t hear you.”
“Why…?”
“[Thought] is forbidden. We don’t [Thought]. We don’t feel anything or think about anything.
“Because we use weapons controlled by magical thought. There’s no way we could be allowed to have free [Thought].”
Momotsuki Haruka met Kizuki Natsuki’s gaze.
Her golden eyes were glistening slightly.
Why?
Why do you look so close to crying?
Why are you looking at me with such fear?
Pointless thoughts. Haruka rummaged through her pockets, searching for strawberry milk to wash them away. But it was nowhere to be found. Nowhere was there anything that could erase her thoughts.
Something that should never have existed was spilling out of her, unstoppable.
But if she wasn’t [Thinking]…
Then what was this thing she was feeling right now?
“…You’ve only just had surgery. You’re not stable yet.”
“Hic… U-uh… yes. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Senior. So, um…”
“I’m not angry. I’m not angry, Natsuki.”
She hugged her.
This is wrong.
She mustn’t hug her. The girl before her was clearly malfunctioning. She was [Thinking]. She was afraid. In Haruka’s arms, she was finding comfort, her body relaxing, her flesh growing soft. Even though she was a magical girl. Even though [Thought] was forbidden.
She needed medication.
Of course she did.
And yet…
“…Let’s do our best on the next mission.”
“Y-yes…”
Momotsuki Haruka could not bring herself to hand the girl, who nodded awkwardly, over to the adults.