Episode Three

I brought the knife down again and again on the white chunks lined up across the chopping board, mind emptied of everything else. Whether the tears welling up were from this, or from something else, I couldn’t say.

It was the right call to foist Ao and Shiho-san off on Dad when they offered to help, and take the kitchen to myself. I needed to be alone, more than anything.

“…Haa.”

If it was going to come to this, I should have gone to that pre-move introductory meeting after all. And if they went to the same high school, someone could have just said so. I’m partly to blame for not asking, but Dad is far too easygoing about all of this.

I watched the finely chopped onion slowly turning golden in the pan.

Open the door just there, and Ao would be on the other side. The thought kept surfacing, and my chest wouldn’t settle down.

A world where voices drift through from the other side of the living room. Maybe that’s ordinary for other people, but for me it’s anything but. I leaned in toward the cheerful sounds coming through the door, moved the browned onion into a tray, and pulled ingredients I didn’t usually buy out of the fridge.

◇

“You made all of this yourself, Onee-chan? That’s incredible…”

Ao breathed the words out as she looked over the food set on the table.

I’d been worried whether I’d managed something appropriate for a night like this. All that effort was worth it. I nearly let myself cry from relief.

“It’s, it’s nothing. I just followed recipes for all of it.”

I couldn’t figure out where to sit, and there was certainly no walking up close to Ao. I’d run out of places to be in the small living room and ended up standing stranded in the doorway.

“Yuna-chan, you’re genuinely amazing. Yoshihiko-san told me you were good at cooking, but this is something else.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to help.”

Shiho-san’s voice dropped with what sounded like a pang of guilt. If it was going to make her look like that, maybe I should have let her help after all.

“Please don’t worry about it. I like cooking.”

“I don’t know if it’s actually any good, though.”

I stretched the corners of my mouth up as far as I could manage.

“She went to all this trouble, let’s eat before it gets cold. Yuna’s cooking is always good!”

“Yuna, sit there.”

Dad pointed. The seat next to Ao.

Well. That figures.

If it had been the seat directly across from her I’d have spent the entire meal staring at the table. Next to her was… better. Maybe.

For a while after that we talked unhurriedly over the food — conversations about all sorts of things, and what life together would look like going forward. Dad kept drawing everyone into the conversation, and Shiho-san looked me in the eye when she spoke to me. Ao, I honestly can’t remember much of. I was too happy every time she made a little sound at something I’d cooked, and everything else stopped mattering.

Dinner finished, the table talk wound down, and I was heading back to my room when Ao gave my shoulder a cheerful tap.

“What is it?”

Dad and Shiho-san were doing the washing up, so it was just the two of us in the living room. I became acutely aware of that, and my nerves spiked.

“Show me your room. I’m sorting mine out over the weekend and I want some ideas.”

“That’s okay, right?”

She was holding a pinch of my shirt, her voice soft and coaxing.

My heart kicked at the sound of it. The girl I’d only ever exchanged greetings with in passing was now saying words that felt like they were meant just for me.

“Um…”

It’s not a big deal to show someone my room. The pyjamas I’d left on the floor, the make-up things from this morning. If I could hide the things I’d left lying around carelessly, it would probably be fine. I decided to keep my eyes firmly away from the fact of Ao entering my room.

“Can I tidy up first? I’ll call you in a minute, just wait—”

“No. I want to see your room as it is right now.”

She cut me off with a mischievous smile, pushed open the living room door, and went up the stairs.

“W-wait! Nagai-san!”

Dad and Shiho-san’s laughter floated dimly through from behind us. To parents, it probably looked like two sisters happily playing together. Well, that’s what it was. Sort of.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything weird.”

Ao reached the top of the stairs and turned back with an easy, guileless smile. The way she covered her eyes was childlike and cute.

“There’s nothing weird…”

In the end, Ao opened my door herself. She stepped inside slowly and swept her eyes around the small room.

“Boring room, isn’t it. There’s nothing interesting in here.”

I leaned a shoulder against the doorframe and let out a small breath.

The casual clothes I’d spotted Ao wearing at the sports day and culture festival after-parties last year had been lovely, and I was sure her room would be just as stylish. Nothing in my room could possibly serve as inspiration for her.

No cute stuffed animals, no fluffy feminine pyjamas. Just a reasonably stocked wardrobe and some textbooks. A sparse, characterless room. I had no idea what she found worth looking at, but Ao went into every corner of it.

“Just as I thought, it’s a neat room. So this is where Onee-chan lives.”

“More or less.”

“Hmm.”

She was swaying slightly as she explored when something at the edge of my bed caught her eye.

“Oh, that’s ador—”

“You don’t need to see that!”

I reached past her, grabbed it, and hid it behind my back. There was no way I was letting Ao see those pyjamas.

“Aww, come on. We’re sisters.”

I sagged at the sight of her pout.

“You’ve adapted to that way too fast…”

“I have.”

She didn’t seem that interested in the pyjamas after all. She turned away almost immediately and I breathed out with relief.

“My room’s still a mess, so maybe I’ll just sleep in Onee-chan’s room tonight.”

“What do you think?”

She was flipping idly through the textbooks on my desk, asking as though it were the most natural thing.

“That’s a bit…”

Out of the question, obviously.

Just living in the same house was more than I could handle, let alone talking to her. If it came to sleeping in the same room as Ao, I’d be better off in the hallway.

“There’s a lot I haven’t sorted out yet. Tonight I kind of… want to be on my own.”

“Don’t you feel the same, Nagai-san?”

I gave her a thin smile.

I’ve never been good at smiling to order. I could feel my own cheek twitching.

“Ao.”

She murmured it softly, then brought her face very close. I tried to pull back by reflex, but an arm had come around behind me, and suddenly our noses were almost touching. Her clear eyes held mine and I couldn’t look away.

Just a little further. Just a little more and—

I was fighting down the shameful want rising up from somewhere deep inside me when I saw the faint curve at the corner of her mouth. Her lovely eyes had softened too. She was holding back a laugh.

Seeing that, the heat that had been building in my head went out like a light, and I shoved her arm away.

“Wh-wh-what— Nagai… san?”

I stepped back so sharply that one foot was already out in the hallway. The hand I’d braced against the wall was faintly damp.

“Not Nagai-san. Ao. I’m Tsukishima Ao now.”

Ao’s eyes narrowed, and there was something a little wistful in what she said.

“…Sorry.”

Ao. I’d meant to say it, but the word snagged in my throat. I can say Fuuka’s name without thinking. I have plenty of friends I call by their first names. And yet I couldn’t get two syllables out.

“Ao. Come on, say it.”

“…Ao.”

The small sound dissolved into the quiet room.

She wasn’t fully satisfied. Ao’s brow furrowed slightly, and then she shrugged and turned away.

“Well, never mind. Let’s talk more tomorrow.”

“The food was delicious. And thank you for being kind to my mum.”

She gave me a smile that seemed older than her years, and slipped past me down the stairs.

I let the door fall closed and dropped onto my bed as if the strength had gone out of me.

Maybe I’d forgotten to breathe the whole time she was here. In the empty room, the sound of my own ragged breathing filled the silence.

What’s going to happen from tomorrow. From now. Shiho-san is kind, and she and Dad look so easy together it’s reassuring to watch. Ao is every bit as kind as her mother, and thoughtful with it.

So what was that, just now.

If I’d moved my face just a little closer—

I pressed my face into the pillow and screamed.

The worst.

Ao becoming my stepsister made no sense and I still couldn’t believe it. We weren’t blood-related, so whether we could really be called sisters at all was something I wasn’t sure of.

But for a moment I’d wanted to kiss my stepsister. If Ao’s expression hadn’t broken, I would have—

I screamed into the pillow again.

Would I get used to it, given time? No — I’d have to get used to it. There was no other option.

Carrying an entirely different kind of anxiety than the one I’d been braced for, I got up from the bed and sat down at my desk. Studying is the best cure for unpleasant things. It always has been.

In the end, I worked through my textbooks in a blank-minded trance until Ao came to let me know the bath was free. That I only got through about half the problems I usually would was, I decided, definitely because it was a difficult section.