Episode Thirty-Three: This Is For You, Kanata
“Kanata, are you ready?”
“Almost, sorry.”
I called back to Yui-san’s voice from the living room and switched off the curling iron.
Fixing the loose curls at the ends of my hair, I checked my reflection in the mirror. Just lipstick left, and I’ll be done.
Christmas Eve, today. The forecast said snow, starting in the evening. A white Christmas — the thought had my heart racing, and I’d put more effort into getting ready than usual.
*
Our first date together in a while, and I wanted her to think I looked even a little cuter than normal.
I have plenty of excuses ready for taking longer than expected to get ready. Though I don’t have the nerve to actually say any of them to Yui-san.
Hurrying into the living room, Yui-san turned to look at me and smiled, bright.
“You’re always cute, but you’re extra cute today.”
Pulling me into a tight hug, saying cute, cute — but Yui-san herself is the one who’s stunning as ever, and it never fails to set my heart racing. Tall, with a figure that makes anything look good on her — I envy that.
The day I cut my hair, the day I changed the color, any new clothes I buy — she always tells me I look cute.
I’ve never told her how happy it makes me, that she always notices even the smallest changes in me.
“Come on, Yui-san, let go. I still need to put my lipstick on.”
“Then let me kiss you before you do.”
Without giving me any room to say yes or no, my chin was tipped up gently, and she kissed me, light, just a touch. I’ve already grown thoroughly used to these ambush kisses of hers, by now.
“…Your lipstick’s going to smudge, isn’t it.”
“Sorry, sorry, you’re just too cute.”
Wiped gently at my lips, something deep in my chest went restless, itching.
Deep black eyes gazed at me, fond. Just being looked at like that felt like she could see straight down to the very bottom of my heart.
You don’t have to be this gentle about it. Hold me tight enough that I can’t breathe, and tell me you love me. “Cute” isn’t enough anymore.
I fought hard to hold back that selfish thought before it could spill from my lips.
Ever since I admitted my feelings, that day, love keeps overflowing out of me, no matter what I do. They really do say falling in love makes you lose sight of everything else — and it’s true.
Today, uncharacteristically, I’m giddy. Because Yui-san chose to spend today with me, and no one else.
That’s enough, for now. As long as she isn’t looking anywhere else, I can wait, however long it takes, for that “someday” she promised to finally come.
＊＊＊
I actually like the atmosphere of a town giddy with Christmas. Happy-looking people walking hand in hand, laughing together.
Every corner decked out in red and green — today has to be special for whoever’s passing by, no matter who they are.
Of course, it’s special for me too.
“Where are we going today?”
“Here, first.”
Yui-san pulled two tickets from her coat pocket. Dark navy background, constellation designs.
“A planetarium? I haven’t been since elementary school.”
“Figured a classic date spot might be fun, since we’re at it. What do you think?”
I nodded eagerly, and Yui-san laughed. Let’s go, then — she took my hand, and our tightly clasped hands disappeared into her coat pocket.
I’d deliberately skipped gloves today. I knew it was cold enough to see my own breath, but I’d known, too, that Yui-san would take my hand like this.
*
We walked through the dim planetarium, searching for our seats. Fully booked, probably because of Christmas. The seats Yui-san had reserved were a paired sofa seat. In the restless hum before the show started, our shoulders pressed close together, I leaned in and whispered against her ear.
“Yui-san, are you good with constellations?”
“Not at all. I only know Orion, honestly. You can’t really see stars from Tokyo anyway.”
“Have you ever lived anywhere besides Tokyo?”
“Nope. What about you?”
“I have. My family moved around for my dad’s work. Tokyo’s the longest I’ve stayed anywhere, but I’ve been to most of Japan’s major cities.”
My father got transferred roughly every two or three years, so where we lived kept changing to match. Switching schools every single time had been genuinely rough, so it wasn’t until university that I finally felt like I had solid ground under my feet.
Though, living at Yui-san’s place is only promised until I graduate.
“But I never really looked up at the night sky much, so I don’t actually remember what the stars looked like.”
“Then let’s go somewhere together, sometime, where the stars are beautiful.”
“Like where?”
Somewhere with beautiful stars. The countryside, maybe, or a remote island. Nothing came to mind right away.
“Hmm, let’s see. The Maldives?”
An unexpected country name came flying out, and I blinked, caught off guard. Not even within Japan. Bigger scale than I’d imagined, and it startled me.
“The Maldives? It’s surrounded by ocean, so the stars probably would be beautiful, but…”
That’s the kind of place people go for vacations or honeymoons — not somewhere you casually travel to on a budget. Not exactly somewhere a student could realistically go.
“Someday, let’s go together. Which means I’d better start studying constellations properly, starting now.”
She said it, laughing, and turned her face back toward the ceiling. The lights dimmed gradually, the room sinking into dark. My hand was squeezed, and I squeezed back.
The full night sky projected above took my breath away. Does a sky this beautiful really exist somewhere in the real world? If it does, I thought, I want to go see it.
Someday. Together with Yui-san.
*
After the planetarium, still carrying the afterglow of that starry sky, we had lunch at a café, then took the train a few more stops to go shopping for presents.
I barely ever come to Ginza, so I have no idea what stores are where, but Yui-san moved through it smoothly, like she had the whole map memorized in her head.
“Which shop are we going to?”
“You’ll see once we get there. Just a little further.”
She’d said she’d buy me a necklace — maybe somewhere she goes regularly?
I gave our joined hands a small squeeze, and Yui-san looked at me and smiled, gentle.
Ah — it finally hit me, properly, that right now, I have Yui-san all to myself.
“We’re here.”
Following where Yui-san had stopped, I looked up at the grand facade of a luxury jewelry shop and nearly forgot to breathe.
“What’s wrong? Let’s go in.”
Our joined hands tugged, and I snapped back to myself. Startled, I pulled back and stopped her.
“Stop, stop! Yui-san, your choice of shop is insane! This place is in a whole different league!”
Buying a necklace here would be far more than a few tens of thousands of yen.
“You don’t have to hold back.”
“…Are you serious right now? I can’t accept something that expensive, I’d have no way to pay you back, Yui-san.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I just thought matching would be nice.”
“…That necklace, the one you always wear — did you buy it here?”
“Yeah.”
Said so easily, but for me, accessories from a jewelry shop like this belong to a world I have nothing to do with — probably a once-in-a-lifetime purchase, if that.
It’s true, I did once say her necklace was lovely. The diamond catching the light, suiting her so well. But still.
“…Could we maybe aim for something a little gentler on my heart, price-wise?”
I gave our joined hands a small squeeze, saying it, and Yui-san peered into my face.
“Why? Matching would be nice. Is it really no good?”
Why is the one offering to buy something the one doing the begging here? Normally it’d be the other way around.
I shook my head hard, side to side. This, I really can’t just let slide. Way too expensive.
“Hmm, then… would you accept a hand-me-down?”
“A hand-me-down?”
Wondering what she meant, I watched as Yui-san reached behind her own neck and unclasped her necklace.
She reached toward my stunned, frozen self and gently fastened the clasp around my neck instead.
“This is for you, Kanata.”
She rested her hand softly against my collarbone and smiled.
“I… I can’t accept this. Isn’t this something precious to you, Yui-san?”
I’ve never once seen Yui-san wear anything besides this necklace.
She’d said she bought it herself, but surely there’s real sentiment attached to it, of some kind.
“Just take it. In exchange, wear it all the time.”
Is it really okay, letting go of it this easily? Anxious, I looked up at her, but Yui-san just smiled, satisfied, giving nothing away about what she was actually thinking.
“Are you serious about this?”
“Yeah, serious.”
Declared that plainly, refusing at this point might actually be rude.
And besides… I couldn’t hold back the honest happiness welling up in me, being given something Yui-san treasures.
“…Understood. Thank you. I’ll take good care of it.”
I rested a hand over my collarbone. The glimmer that always sat on Yui-san’s fair collarbone now rested on mine instead. Strange feeling.
“Good. Then, let’s go get another present too. Next time, something gentler on the heart, price-wise — anything you want, I’ll buy it.”
Smiling, bright, Yui-san took my hand and started walking again.
Eh, she’s buying something else too? I’m happy, but a little worried too.
“…Yui-san, do you maybe have some kind of habit of spoiling people with gifts?”
I asked, suspicious, and Yui-san laughed.
“Just noticing now? Only with you, though.”
“…I was worried you’d say the same thing to other girls.”
“No way~ My paycheck isn’t infinite, you know.”
“Wait, paycheck? You have a part-time job, Yui-san?”
“Helping out with the family business, technically. Miscellaneous stuff, data entry, putting together materials. No fixed hours, so it’s easy. I get an allowance in exchange.”
Ah — so that’s why she’s occasionally called into the company by her father.
The times I’d catch her working on her laptop, I’d always just assumed it was studying.
“…You told me to spend my own paycheck on myself, though.”
“Spending money on you is the same as spending it on myself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I just want to see you happy. That’s all.”
My chest, with the necklace resting against it, felt warm. I want to see Yui-san happy too, so I understand the feeling, at least a little.
Hiding my embarrassment, I gripped our joined hands tighter. Will we get to spend Christmas together again next year? I hope so.
“…Ah, snow.”
Just as forecast, pure white snow began falling from the sky, and the whole street stirred, buzzing.
I found myself completely lost, staring at Yui-san’s profile as she looked up at the sky.
I fell in love knowing full well Yui-san would never belong to anyone. And yet my chest still aches, tight, painful.
So close, and yet so far.
Yui-san says she wants to see me happy, but that’s such a simple thing to manage.
Everything Yui-san does for me, out of thinking of me, always makes me smile, without fail.
If only you looked only at me, I wouldn’t need anything else at all.
*
What I asked for as my “gentler on the heart, price-wise Christmas present” was a perfectly round seal plushie, and Yui-san laughed, saying the house might turn into an aquarium at this rate.
Swaying on the train ride home, Yui-san kept glancing at my collarbone with such fond eyes that something warm kept flaring in my chest, over and over.
What was she feeling, giving me this?
I want to know. But knowing Yui-san, even if I asked, I don’t think she’d tell me.
Even just a fragment of that feeling — I couldn’t help wishing it would reach me as easily as the warmth passing between our joined hands.