We.

I.

How can I find happiness?

There are mountains of things I wish I could do over.
If I could rewind time, I’d handle it better.

Hey, God.
Can’t I start over?

If not, then what on earth must I do now to be happy?

◆

The day after the third term’s opening ceremony.
　High schoolers, in the thick of adolescence, never run out of new topics.
Having finished their winter break, they were now fixated on two particular girls.

“Hey, Kuroda-san, she seems different somehow, right?”
“Who’s Kuroda?”
“Kuroda Mashiro-san. Until the second term, she was just a quiet, unremarkable girl. But for a while, there were rumours about her, like with Amamiya – that you could pay her for it, or something.”
“Ah, yeah, there was that rumour. So, which one’s Kuroda-san?”
“See, that one, leaning her cheek on her hand, looking out the window with that worn-out expression.”
“Hm? Eh, that girl? That girl’s the plain girl they called Kuroda-san?”
“That’s her. You don’t recognise her? That’s rude for a classmate.”
“Calling a classmate ‘plain girl’ behind her back makes you one of them.”
“You’re bloody right. So, what do you think of that Kuroda-san?”
“What do I think? …Well, she’s something else. She reminds me of Amamiya Tōru. How can I put it… I’d really like to get to know her.”
“Exactly! Exactly!”

Both boys and girls were having similar conversations about Kuroda Mashiro, the high school girl whose whole atmosphere had changed dramatically.

She evoked memories of Amamiya Tōru, with her almost translucent beauty.
　Perhaps the word ‘translucent’ suited her even more than it did Amamiya Tōru.
Somehow, her slightly sharp aura added a stimulating edge to her delicate beauty.

Everyone who saw Kuroda Mashiro now murmured such impressions.

Ironically enough.
Kuroda Mashiro, who had once been a girl incapable of communication despite having emotions, now received higher praise from others since she was a girl incapable of communication with deadened emotions.

　And then there’s another thing.
There’s a person they bring up in conversation.

That person is—

“Hey, hey, Mashiro. Where shall we eat lunch today? The back garden? The cafeteria? I’m fine with anywhere, really—”
“………Outside? It’s raining. The back garden’s out of the question.”
“Oh, right. Then let’s go to the cafeteria!”

　The one grinning and chatting to Kuroda Mashiro, now elevated to a lofty flower, is another popular girl.

Amamiya Tōru.

It’s the first time I’ve seen her laugh so happily.
There used to be this vibe that made it hard to approach her, but now she seems approachable.
The current her is totally fine. (← Boys’ voices)
I don’t like the way she seems to be currying favour. (← A girl’s voice)
Still, I might want to be friends with her… (← Some girls’ voices)

Unlike Kuroda Mashiro.
Compared to the Amamiya Tōru who used to suppress her emotions, the current Amamiya Tōru, who can express her feelings, gave a softer, more favourable impression to others.

Kuroda Mashiro and Amamiya Tōru.
The central figures of all this talk.

They probably don’t realise.

　That they share a physical relationship.
That their hearts are mutually enamoured.

And,

The brutal murder case near the school, making the news.
That the two at the centre of attention are the perpetrator and the victim’s daughter.

No one would think it.

Time at school passed gently. Peacefully.
As if part of an ordinary, everyday routine.
Universally passing by.

　◇

The perpetrator of the nearby murder remains at large.

The school took this fact seriously, opting to dismiss pupils before noon for the time being.
Consequently, although today, the fifteenth of January, should have marked the full resumption of lessons following the opening ceremony, classes were dismissed after only the first and second periods.

We too follow suit and head home.

Winter break has ended.
According to my agreement with my parents, Amamiya Tōru no longer has a place to return to in our home.
Even so, we walk hand in hand towards my house.

Soon.
Soon, things might work out.
That’s why I want Amamiya Tōru’s stay to be extended.

　Once again, I lied to my precious family.
Lies piled upon lies, my heart already riddled with holes is now further covered in cuts.

Ah, I want to die.

I just want to die already.

Like back then, I have no vitality to live, yet no courage to die.
But it feels both the same and different.
Back then, I had no vitality to live, but I never once wished to die.
　But now it’s different.

I wish someone would just kill me.

My desire for death only grows stronger.

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

As my head filled with thoughts of death, the hand I was holding squeezed mine gently, over and over.
Looking sideways, I saw Amamiya Tōru, walking beside me, grinning broadly at me.

………?

“What’s the matter, Amamiya-san?”
“Ehehe. Mashiro’s hand… it’s warm, and I like it, you know.”
“Is that so?”
“Mm!”

I look at her hand.
White, smooth.
Soft, cold.

Her fingers are long, aren’t they.

For some reason, the image of this hand strangling my neck flashes through my mind now.

　Ah, if I were to be killed.

Then I’d rather it be by Amamiya Tōru.

◇

18th January.
Friday.
At school. Before first period began.
Before the short homeroom started.

The homeroom teacher arrived in the classroom earlier than usual.
Scanning the room, the teacher called out to Amamiya Tōru. As an afterthought, I was called too. Apparently, it was “just in case, since I’ve seen you two together a lot lately”.

Come with me to the staff room.

Hearing that.
I had a bad feeling.

“Now, tell me everything honestly.”

The teacher said that, then opened the staff room door.

Inside,―――.

　The police were there.

I was running.

Being pulled along, running.

Amamiya Tōru.
Holding my hand.
Running as if to escape this reality.

Running ahead of me.