Episode 96: I love you so much that I don’t mind even if it’s like that

After an excruciatingly long flight, the aeroplane touched down on the runway.
Following the arrival announcement, I retrieved my carry-on luggage from the overhead compartment and stretched my stiffened body with a deep sigh.
It had been two years since my last visit to London Heathrow Airport.
I walked briskly along the familiar route, now etched into my memory from countless previous trips.

　Switching my phone out of flight mode, I found a message from my younger brother, Kaname.
It seemed he’d got his driving licence while I was away and was coming to collect me from the airport. When I returned to Japan to start university, Kaname was still in secondary school; now he was twenty and a university student himself.

　The jet lag had me utterly exhausted, though it was still just past noon here.
After collecting my suitcase, I headed towards the arrivals hall, stifling yawns, where my brother stood waving at me, looking a whole size bigger than I remembered.

“You’ve grown again since we last met… Have you perhaps overtaken Dad in height?”

I called out to his back, rolling my suitcase along as he walked ahead, now unrecognisably tall.
His silhouette in a black bomber jacket and jeans was that of a fully grown man, looking even more robust than two years prior.

“Yeah, I have. Dad was really gutted about it. And I’m still growing taller, you know~”

He turned and smiled, and I could still see a hint of his childhood in his face, but boys really do grow up fast.
The hand holding the suitcase was now gnarled and knobbly, and remembering the small hand from my memories made me feel a little wistful.

When we reached the car park, I spotted the familiar vehicle. The well-used Land Cruiser. Dad’s beloved car, driven for years.
We’re past the age for family outings together, yet Dad still clings to this vehicle, cherishing it.

Who’d have thought the day would come when Kaname would drive this car? — As a child, I never imagined such a distant future.

Compared to Yui-san’s car, it sat higher off the ground. Climbing into the passenger seat with its excellent view, a familiar scent filled the air.

“Yō, drive carefully, alright?”

Despite being a paper driver herself, she put on this big sister act. Hearing that, Yō pouted, lips pursed.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry. You could even sleep if you want. Come on, sis, you’re actually tired, aren’t you? Every time you come back home, you just lock yourself in your room for days, sleeping all the time.”

“Look, Yō, you might not understand since you hardly ever come back to Japan, but jet lag is really tough. There’s a nine-hour time difference, you know.”

Though I teased him, I relaxed into the seat, reassured by Yō’s confident driving.
Watching the familiar streetscape flow past the window, drowsiness gradually overtook me, and before I knew it, I’d fallen into a deep sleep.

＊＊＊

My homecoming after two years ended up just as Kaname had predicted.

As always, the jet lag stubbornly refused to lift. For the first few days of my week-long visit, I spent most of my time cosy in bed.

　I exchange messages with Yui-san every day.
When we’re apart, the longing to see her swells boundlessly. On lonely nights, I hugged Shachi-kun as if to distract myself, thinking of her as I drifted off to sleep.

The New Year is fast approaching.

Having nothing to do, I lazed around in my bed without even having breakfast. Hearing a knock at the door, I lifted my head from the pillow.

The door creaked open slightly, and Father peered through the gap.

“Kanata, fancy lunch together? I’ve bought sandwiches and scones too.”

Father said cheerfully, smiling happily. I nodded and got up from the bed.

　After eating the sandwiches, while I brewed tea for two, Dad took scones from the paper bag and prepared strawberry jam and clotted cream.
Mum and Kaname seemed to be out too; it was just Dad and me at home.

Two teacups on the dining table. Since it was after lunch, I chose Earl Grey.

　The scent of bergamot reminded me of Christmas just the other day. The body soap used in the bath amenities – it smelled lovely, didn’t it?

Even within the most ordinary days, Yui-san’s presence was always woven in, and whenever I remembered her in a fleeting moment, it would set my heart aflame.

“I never imagined you’d end up working at Yui-chan’s company, Kanata. I was genuinely surprised when I first heard.”

　Spreading jam on a scone, Father smiled happily.

Four years ago, when I returned to London after parting ways with Yui-san, Father was visibly dejected, his shoulders slumped in a way anyone could see.

This was the same Father who had boasted so emphatically that “they’d definitely get along.” He surely never dreamed his best friend’s daughter and his own daughter wouldn’t hit it off.

　But actually, contrary to Dad’s expectations, Yui and I didn’t just get along – we clicked so perfectly we ended up falling in love.

“Getting a job at Yui’s company was pure coincidence. Now I’m working hard as a secretary. Every day is really enjoyable.”

“I’m relieved to hear you’re enjoying your work. But please come home at least once a year. I worry when I don’t see you often. Mum was saying things like, ‘Maybe Kanata doesn’t want to come back because she found someone nice in Japan too’… But that’s a different matter altogether. Even if you did find a lover.”

Father crossed his arms and looked at me with a face that clearly showed he wasn’t convinced.

It suddenly occurred to me. Perhaps now was the chance to talk.
That was precisely why I’d travelled all the way back from Japan, taking over half a day.

“Well, about that… I have something I want to tell you, Father.”

I clenched my hands tightly in my lap.

Suddenly, I thought, Huh? That’s odd.

Despite having told Yui-san so confidently just now that “it’s fine,” for some reason my hands were shaking, and my throat felt tight and painful. What was this feeling?

—Could I possibly be nervous?

　I met his gaze, those light brown eyes the same colour as mine. Father gently placed his teacup on the saucer and looked at me intently.

“Something you want to tell me?”

Asked in that gentle voice, I nodded. Sweat beaded on my clenched palms, and I could feel a faint tremor running down my legs, even though I wasn’t putting any weight on them.

“Yes… um… well…”

　Noticing my trembling, quiet voice, perhaps sensing my nerves, Father lowered the corners of his eyes and smiled.

During the time we hadn’t seen each other, it seemed the wrinkles around his eyes had deepened just a little more than I remembered.
But that gentle gaze remained unchanged, just as it had been since I was a child.

“It’s alright, take your time. Calm yourself down first, then tell me.”

It was a familiar tone of voice.

Childhood memories resurface. When soothing me as I wept, Father would always lift me onto his lap, pat my back gently, and speak softly like this until I calmed down.

I draw a deep breath, filling my lungs completely, then exhale slowly. My feelings settle a little.

It’s alright.
I look straight at Father once more.

“Father, I… I have someone I’m seeing. they’re truly kind, wonderful, and love me with all their heart. I love them so much, and I want to spend my life with them.”

I say it all in one breath. Father, who had simply listened to my words, gave a small nod.
His eyes didn’t waver at all, as if he had sensed exactly what I was going to say.

“I see. Do you want to marry this person, Kanata? Could it be that you came home this time to talk about that?”

The eyes I met seemed, if only slightly, a little lonely, perhaps even moist.
I shook my head side to side at my father’s question.

“No. I can’t marry them… Because they’re a woman.”

“Eh? A woman…?”

Stunned by the sudden confession, Father was speechless.
I couldn’t blame him. Before meeting Yui-san, I’d never imagined I could fall in love with a woman either.

“…Yes. I’m sorry.”

My hands trembled on my lap. I couldn’t lift my face.

　I was absolutely certain Father would understand. He’d always listened to what I had to say, never dismissing me outright.
But, when it came to actually telling him, contrary to my heart’s desire, I was overcome by an unimaginable tension.
It’s not about logic, this sort of thing. I’m baffled by these mismatched feelings myself.

　After a long pause, my father, who had been stiff as a statue, let out a deep sigh.

“I see. A woman, eh… Blimey, that’s a surprise.”

Tentatively, I raised my gaze. My father stroked his clean-shaven chin and leaned back into the chair, his body slumping forward as if exhausted.

　What would he say? Peering at him, Father met my eyes and offered a smile.

“Kanata, you don’t need to say ‘I’m sorry’. If it’s someone you’ve come to love, they must be a wonderful person.”

At those words, the taut thread of tension snapped. His warm gaze seemed to seep deep into my heart.

“…Yes. We can’t marry, and we can’t have children, but I love her so much that I’m fine with that. Just being together makes me truly happy.”

“Meeting someone you can love so deeply from the heart is rare. It happens once in a lifetime, if at all. Cherish that feeling above all else. It’s alright. I won’t oppose it. Thank you for telling me.”

The weight lifted from my shoulders, and I nearly collapsed.

“Thank you, Dad. …If, in the future, my relationship with someone of the same sex ever causes you any trouble…”

My father stopped me mid-sentence, calling my name, “Kanata.”

“If Kanata is happy, that’s all that matters. I don’t care what anyone says. No matter what happens, I’ll never think it’s a bother.”

It was a voice of conviction, utterly straightforward. Without a trace of doubt, I sensed the gaze of a father who truly cared only for his daughter, and understood that all my worries had been unfounded.

“Next time, bring that girl along. I’m entrusting her with my precious daughter, so I’d like to see her face at least.”

Saying that, Father smiled warmly. I couldn’t help but smile back, a soft chuckle escaping me.

“…Yes, thank you. Next time, I’ll definitely bring her along. She’s incredibly beautiful, so I’m sure you’ll be quite taken aback, Father.”

Just one glance at her face, and he’d surely recognise my lover’s true identity immediately.

He absolutely would be astonished.

Because Yui-san is the spitting image of her mother, as if she were a living replica.