Episode 95: Second Chance Fireworks Festival (3)

As the fireworks fell silent, crowds of people began to walk home.

Families, couples, friends, people of all kinds had gathered here, watched the fireworks together, and were now heading home.
I never knew that watching fireworks with someone else could be so beautiful and this full of happiness.

Or perhaps it was simply because I was with Takizawa that the world seemed so vibrant.

　When the fireworks ended, Takizawa let go of my hand. The fireworks were over, and though there was no part of me she was touching, my heart alone kept pounding as if she were still holding me.

Takizawa was beautiful today, too. Too beautiful. And seeing her gazing up at the fireworks, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I simply couldn’t help but say it.

Sora…

　Takizawa thinks of me as a friend, and that is the relationship she wants.
So I’ve been working hard to act like a friend — but looking at her with such heat in my eyes, telling her she’s beautiful, I thought she would pull away from me. It’s hardly the kind of thing a friend does.

But I don’t understand Takizawa either. She took my lips, called my name, and felt the same way I did.

It’s just like being lovers…

　I want this, and I hope Takizawa feels the same way about me, but I’m sure there’s no deeper meaning behind her actions. It’s always been like that.

‘Hina, you’re beautiful too—’

Those words have been echoing in my head ever since. The way they reverberate inside my mind is tormenting my very core.

The way she calls my name is special; just hearing it makes my heart start beating so erratically I feel as though it might burst.

　Whilst many people were chatting about the fireworks and the festival, Takizawa and I remained in a silence that stretched on and on.
Mai had messaged us saying it looked unlikely we’d be able to meet up, so we should head home separately. I simply replied ‘OK’ and put my phone back in my pocket.

As we left the fireworks venue and reached the road near my house, the crowds thinned out considerably and the surroundings grew even quieter.

After a long silence, Takizawa finally spoke.

‘…Endo-san, what did you think of the fireworks?’

It goes without saying, but Takizawa never calls me by my first name.

‘They were wonderful. Takizawa, thank you for watching them with me.’

If Takizawa hadn’t been there, I’m sure I wouldn’t have felt so elated watching the fireworks; I’d probably have just thought, “Is that all there is to it?”

　Last year, I’d thought it would be enough just to see the fireworks through to the end, but this year I felt it would be meaningless unless I could watch them with Takizawa.

It seems spending time with Takizawa has made me rather greedy.

‘What did you think, Takizawa?’
‘Fine.’

In my mind, ‘fine’ is a word I only use to describe situations that are neither good nor bad, a bit of a mixed bag. But I’ve recently come to realise that for Takizawa, ‘fine’ is a word she uses when things are actually quite good. I feel relieved, thinking that surely it wasn’t that she found it boring.

‘I want to watch the fireworks with Takizawa again next year.’
‘We’ll be at different schools, and we won’t know where each other is, so that’s impossible, isn’t it?’
‘Even if I end up at a university far away, I’ll come and see you.’

I intend to apply to a few universities near Takizawa’s first-choice, so as long as I don’t fail them all, I should be able to stay within travelling distance of her.
But even if I were living far away, even if it were overseas, I’d still come and see her.

　That’s how much Takizawa had become a necessary, indispensable part of my life.

“You can’t know that for sure. Once you get into university and make new friends, that promise probably won’t matter anymore?”

　It wasn’t the usual, matter-of-fact Takizawa; her voice was trembling slightly.

“Would it stop mattering to you, Takizawa?”

She didn’t answer my question. I cupped her face in my hands and gently kissed her lips.

‘Don’t go doing strange things on your own.’
‘You did the same thing just now, Takizawa.’

At that, Takizawa fell silent and looked down.

‘I’m going to watch the fireworks with you again next year, Takizawa. This is proof of our promise.’

Just as I was about to lean in and kiss Takizawa’s lips again, my mouth was covered.

‘Why are you such a pervert, Endo-san? You’re always doing things like this.’

Although she was angry, Takizawa’s face didn’t look like she was genuinely angry; I thought it looked a little red. It might just be my imagination, as it was dark on the night-time street.

‘It’s because it’s you, Takizawa, that I want to do this.’
‘Why is that…?’

Takizawa looked at me with a face that said she really didn’t understand. That’s unfair. There’s only one reason I’d want to do something like this.

‘You do it loads too, Takizawa. Why is that?’

　When I asked that, Takizawa looked away from me and lowered her gaze.

‘I don’t know.’

　It was the answer I’d expected. As I thought, Takizawa was doing it without giving it a second thought. That fact made my heart ache.

“But I’ve never done it with anyone other than Endo-san.”

　My heart, which had been aching just a moment ago, feels as though it has become a separate living creature inside me, insisting that it wants to break free.

　I couldn’t speak until my heart had calmed down.

　The words ‘I like you’ were on the tip of my tongue.

　If I told Takizawa I liked her right now, she’d surely misinterpret it. She’d probably think I meant I liked her as a friend.
So now is not the time to say it.

I want to tell her when I feel that Takizawa has come to like me romantically, no, when I understand what romantic love actually means.
Until then, I intend to keep acting in ways that make it clear I like her in that sense, not just as a friend.

　So that Takizawa might start to notice me, even just a little…

Miumi-chan once told me that if I carried on like this, someone else would snatch her away from me one day.

She’s absolutely right.

That’s why my feelings sometimes get the better of me, and I end up acting in ways I can’t control.

Sigh… I wonder if I can keep this relationship with Takizawa going as it is. On the way home, we didn’t speak of anything else, and I decided to walk her to her house.

‘You didn’t have to walk me home.’

She seemed a bit annoyed that I’d walked her home, but I’d prioritised my own feelings because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. I called out to her back as she headed for the front door.

‘Takizawa, thank you again for today.’

She turned around slowly. Even from this distance, I could tell what she was thinking from the frown between her eyebrows.

“You’d better keep your promise, okay? I hate people who break their promises.”

With just those words, Takizawa went inside.

My chest suddenly felt all warm.
Does that promise refer to the one we made just now?
Will Takizawa watch the fireworks with me next year too?
Will I be allowed to stand next to Takizawa next year as well?

Takizawa’s clumsy words always leave me at a loss. It’s always me who’s left standing on a path with no end in sight, wandering aimlessly.

The only thing I can say for certain is my desire to be by Takizawa’s side next year, and the possibility that she might feel the same way.
For that, I can do whatever it takes.

Rather than dwelling on a future that was said not to exist, I resolved to do my absolute best with what I can do now, for the sake of a future that might just be possible.