Episode 17: A Small Step ⑵

When I woke, it was five in the morning.

Our meeting today is at ten.

There’s still time to sleep.

Early July, when the cicadas begin to sing. I spend each day sluggish with the heat. Today, my body feels particularly unresponsive.

　Perhaps it was because I’d said something rather awful to Endo-san a little while ago. I never used to care much about what I said to people, but seeing Endo-san’s face like that, I just can’t forget it.

I burrowed back under the duvet…….

I couldn’t sleep… Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to get up and start getting ready.

Just like before, I made a small braid beside my right ear. Still a high schooler, so no makeup, but I put on some lipstick. Just going out, so jeans and a hoodie will do, I thought, getting dressed.
I thought I was getting ready slower than a turtle, but it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet.

I decided to flop back onto the futon in my room. Staring blankly at the ceiling, I heard a noise from the next room.

My sister must have come back yesterday and is in her room now.

Sewing…

　The yellow handkerchief was snatched by Endo-san. Well, I did give it to her, but that floral embroidery was lovely. I wish I could do something like that.

Before I knew it, I was standing outside my sister’s room.

I took a breath and knocked on the door.

“Haaai?”

“…Um, it’s Hoshizora.”

I heard the sound of hurried footsteps, and the door opened.

“What’s got into you, Hoshizora, knocking on my door!?”
“You’re being noisy this morning.”
“Sorry, sorry. Standing here’s no good, come inside.”

My sister pulled me by the arm into her room.
She’s a woman who suits short hair very well.
I’d heard she used to get love letters from both boys and girls in high school. She’s kind, pretty, and smart, so I can sort of see why.

　Her room was so tidy and simple it hardly felt like a girl’s room. Sitting in such a room made me feel terribly uncomfortable.

It was a room that felt just like my sister – perfect in every way, lacking anything remotely human.

“So, what’s up? Need advice? Worried about something?”
“I’ll answer even if you don’t ask.”

…………

“I lost that yellow embroidered handkerchief I got when I was little. Sorry.”

“And? Do you want another one?”

What I was about to say wasn’t like me at all, and the fact I was even talking to my sister felt like a near miracle.

“I want you to teach me how to embroider. It was so cute, I want to be able to do it myself.”

The moment I said that, my sister looked at me with sparkling eyes and threw her arms around me.

“You’re suffocating me. It’s summer now. Don’t come near me.”
“Even if it weren’t summer, the Sora would be annoyed, wouldn’t she? But I’m happy. I haven’t had time to do it myself lately either, so shall we do it together? Though we don’t have the materials today. Ah, I’ll be coming home for the summer holidays, so we can make time then.”

And so, I ended up learning needlework from my sister during the summer holidays. I felt a great deal of anxiety, but I wanted to learn embroidery. That desire made my expectations swell.

“Right then, I’m heading out now.”
“Friends?”

Friends…? What exactly is my relationship with Endo-san?

“I’ve got something I want to buy, so I’m off.”
Ignoring my sister’s words, I left the house.

I arrived at the meeting spot fifteen minutes early and checked the location.

To my surprise, Endo-san was already waiting.

　She wore a white long skirt tucked into a summery, darker brown shirt, making her already long legs look even longer. Her hair was down, slightly curled. The sunlight made her brown hair shine even more beautifully.

She was waiting there, sweat dripping down, with nothing to block the sun.
She’ll get sunburnt like that.

“Are you daft…”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.

I didn’t want her to realise I’d arrived early either, but I couldn’t just leave Endo-san out in the heat.

“How many minutes early did you get here, you idiot?”
Endo-san turned around and looked at me with a startled expression.

“Isn’t it a bit early? Are you alright?”
“That’s what I should be saying.”

I headed towards the shopping centre without looking back at Endo-san. Even though I’d said something cold, she followed diagonally behind me, and I felt a little relieved.

“What do you fancy buying, Endo-san?”
“All sorts. I’ll wander about and buy whatever takes my fancy.”
“Are you always so unplanned?”
“When I come with Nao and Akari, they’ve got loads of places they want to go and I’m constantly being dragged around. When I come alone, I only come if I’ve decided what I want to buy. Today, I just fancy wandering about.”
“Oh, right.”

No matter how I reacted, Endo-san just kept smiling and following along.

“Conversely, what’s it like when you come with friends, Takizawa?”

When I came with Mai, she’d take me all sorts of places, and I tried to enjoy myself a little, but I wasn’t really interested in much, so I don’t have many happy memories.

It’s not Mai’s fault. It’s because I wasn’t interested in anything, or felt distrustful, or couldn’t enjoy things openly.

“Since I’m someone with no interests, I reckon the other person finds it boring most of the time.”

After saying something so cynical, Endo-san grabbed my hand.

“Well then, let’s enjoy today!”

This person doesn’t listen to a word I say. Dragged along by the hand, we wandered all over the place.

But the shopping was more fun than I expected. I tagged along with Endo-san when she said she wanted to look at tableware, and she was chatting about how cute this was or how easy that was to use.

　Surprisingly, Endo-san knows a lot about life hacks, and her stories are interesting.

We went to a variety store, a sweet shop, a clothes shop – all sorts of places. Before we knew it, it was well past lunchtime.

“I’m starving. Is there anything you fancy eating, Takizawa?”

The only food I could think of that I liked was omelette rice.

“Anything’s fine.”

When I answered that, Endo-san looked at me with her usual fake smile.

“I’m glad you seem a bit happier today, Takizawa. You usually look so stern, with all these wrinkles here.”

She said that and touched my brow.

I hated being touched without permission, so I grabbed her cheek and pulled it sideways.

“Ow…”
Your own fault.

“Stop that fake smile. It reminds me of someone I dislike and it’s annoying. You look cuter when you just smile naturally.”

　I let go of her cheeks, thinking that last bit was unnecessary. The spots where I’d pulled were clearly red.

“Is my smile really that unnatural…?”

Endo-san said, looking a little troubled.

“Most people wouldn’t notice. It’s just that I know someone who looks like that. If you keep making that kind of smile and grinning like that, you’ll be able to get along well with people and get by in life, right?”

Endo-san said nothing.

　I wanted her to deny it.
I found myself feeling disappointed in her, assuming she was just like my sister after all.

The place Endo-san took me to was an omelette rice restaurant. I thought to myself, Endo-san’s homemade version was delicious though… as I entered the shop.

“The only thing I know you like eating, Takizawa, is omelette rice,”
Endo-san said, chuckling softly.

　Her reaction, as if she hadn’t cared about what I’d said earlier, annoyed me a little.

The omelette rice arrived quickly, so I clasped my hands together to eat.

I brought the spoon to my mouth.

The piping hot, fluffy egg and chicken rice complemented each other perfectly and tasted wonderful.

It was delicious, but still, Endo-san’s omelette rice was tastier, and I found myself wanting to eat her cooking again.

“Come to think of it… those cookies were delicious. Thank you.”

I remembered something I’d meant to say and spoke up.

“I thought you didn’t like them because you didn’t say anything. I’m glad you did!”

Endo-san looked so relieved that I felt a little glad I’d told her.

After lunch, it was around three o’clock. I seemed to have enjoyed myself more than I’d expected; time had flown by.

　I don’t want to go home today…

My family of three are probably out somewhere together, or having a lovely dinner together.

If I could, I’d rather come home late at night when everyone’s asleep.

I don’t want to see anything.

“Takizawa, don’t you have anywhere you want to go?”
Endo-san’s voice startled me.

Somewhere I want to go… I want to go to a craft shop and buy embroidery materials. But I’d be embarrassed if Endo-san asked me lots of questions.

　Still, with nowhere else to go, I decided to ask Endo-san.

“Like a craft shop?”
“Sure, let’s go.”

The craft shop had all sorts of things. Basic sewing tools, parts and accessories, items for repairs. Among them, we headed for the embroidery section.

There were far too many to choose from. I could just pick something at random, but even then, there were so many colours it was impossible to decide.

“Are you going to embroider?”

He asked the very question I didn’t want to be asked. I could have lied or made excuses, but unnecessary lies felt like they’d only make me uncomfortable later, so I decided to tell the truth.

“Yeah. I’m planning to get someone who’s good at embroidery to teach me.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say it was because I wanted to learn more skills – that felt too embarrassing.

We’d come all this way, but I had no idea what to buy…

“What colours do you like, Endo-san?”

The one Endo-san picked out was blue.

“Blue, huh. What colours does blue go with, I wonder…”

As I muttered to myself, she replied, “If you want to play it safe, white would be good. I think orange would work too.”

　Endo-san told me loads of colours that go with this one and that one, but in the end, I got confused and bought about seven safe colours.

It was five o’clock now, surely time for Endo-san to go home. I glanced sideways and saw she still had that same smile.

Lately, I haven’t received any thanks for helping with her studies. She hasn’t done anything for me for about three sessions now.

It’s not that I want anything, but couldn’t she just let me today…?

　Endo-san walked ahead, and I felt uneasy, afraid she might drift too far away.

Unconsciously, I grabbed the hem of her skirt.

“I want to eat dinner with Endo-san tonight—”

I regretted saying it terribly.

I absolutely couldn’t lift my face.
It was embarrassing.

As if sensing my feelings,
she gently took my hand and said, “Alright. Shall we go to my place?”