Episode 140: Autumn Leaves

I splashed the slightly cold water against my face. With a soft towel I wiped away the unnecessary water, and looked at the mirror in front of me.

Seeing something glittering at my neck, my chest filled with warmth.

Since Takizawa had celebrated my birthday, I must have been looking at this necklace until I was tired of looking at it. No matter how many times I looked, no matter how many times I touched it, happiness welled up and my mouth softened.

If I kept making such an undignified face, Takizawa would look at me with cold eyes — so I slapped both cheeks lightly and gathered myself.

Suddenly I felt a weight on my shoulder.

Looking in the mirror, Takizawa’s chin was resting on my shoulder, and my heart gave a loud thump.

“Good morning, Endo-san.”
“G-ood morning.”

The sudden development made my words stumble in a strange place, and Takizawa tilted her head slightly as she looked at me. When I turned around, there was a girl rubbing her sleepy eyes, her hair fluffier and more spread out than usual. I gently stroked that lustrous hair.

“Takizawa, you know you’re cute.”
“That doesn’t make sense first thing in the morning.”
“It’s fine even if it doesn’t make sense.”

She’d gone slightly pouty — but since she wasn’t genuinely angry, I gently pulled her close. Lately I’ve been finding it hard to hold back what I want, and it causes me some trouble.

“What is it?”
“I wanted to hold you.”

I leaned into her — slightly shorter than me — and held her. We both wobbled a little, but stood there like that for a few minutes.

Winter was approaching and the cold was getting worse, so really I didn’t want to leave the covers. But if I got out of the covers, Takizawa would be somewhere in this apartment. That’s why I came out into the cold, seeking her warmth.

“Endo-san, isn’t this getting long?”
“Just a little longer.”

Pressed against Takizawa, she reached up and stroked my head for some reason. Then she stared intently at the necklace.

“Is it strange?”
“No. It suits you — don’t take it off.”

At those words, something tightened in my throat. Even without her saying it, there was no way I’d ever take off the collar — the necklace — she gave me.

Takizawa wriggled in my arms and slipped out, then started washing her face.

I still wanted to be pressed against Takizawa — but being too persistent about it would get me scolded, so I went to the living room.

Today Takizawa and I had made plans to walk to a park at the foot of a nearby mountain to see the autumn leaves.

Takizawa doesn’t really like going outside, so she’d resisted quite a bit — but I’d persisted and won in the end.

Before heading out I wrapped my scarf. Takizawa was also wearing hers in a different colour, and just that was enough to make my heart skip.

Maybe because it was early in the morning, there weren’t many people on the road, and just the sound of our footsteps and passing cars spread through the air.

“The autumn leaves are going to be so lovely.”
“Yeah…”

Takizawa buried her face in her scarf and wouldn’t look over at me. I wanted to say I wanted to hold hands — but there were still so many things I couldn’t be honest about, and all I could do was walk beside her.

After a little while, something cool touched my hand with a small press. Looking beside me, there was still the same girl with her face buried in her scarf.

Not letting my surprise show, I gripped her hand back firmly, making sure it wouldn’t slip away. If I could, I’d have glued us together so we’d never come apart.

There was less conversation than before and yet something felt comfortable about it. I was so focused on the small movements of Takizawa’s hand that it was almost like talking through touch. She was just swaying as she walked — and yet it felt like being in a conversation with her.

I glanced sideways, and met Takizawa’s eyes, slightly below mine.

“Do you like autumn leaves, Endo-san?”
“Whether I like them — I’m not sure, but I’m happy to be seeing them with you, Takizawa.”
“I see.”
“Why do you ask?”
“I was curious about what you like.”

I’d thought it might be a curt reply — and instead what came back was more than enough to give me an inflated sense of myself, and I felt the colour rising in my cheeks. To hide it I buried my face in my scarf too, mimicking Takizawa.

We arrived at the park with its beautiful autumn leaves in no time — and since it was a day off, it was full of people.

There were many elderly couples and families, everyone chatting happily and taking photos.

Among all these different relationships, I felt both happy and a little awed to be here beside Takizawa as her person, holding hands.

“Takizawa, what do you like about me?”

A sudden anxiety swept over me.

I didn’t know what had brought it on — but here I was beside her, holding hands as her girlfriend, on a date, and yet I was wrapped in unease.

As expected, Takizawa’s face had gone sulky.

“Why?”
“Just because. Tell me?”
“No.”
“You’re so mean, Takizawa.”

I think my face had gone sulky to match hers. I was selfish too — but I thought Takizawa could indulge my selfishness a little.

I pulled her hand just firmly enough to be a little painful and brought us under a Japanese maple dyed in deep crimson.

Its colour was so beautiful I must have been craning my neck back to look at it until it hurt.

Takizawa looked up at it too, and there was just a little glimmer in the depths of her eyes. I’d dragged her here again today — I hoped it would be a day she enjoyed rather than resented.

Perhaps because I’d been staring too long, Takizawa looked over at me, and our eyes met again. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, then buried her face in her scarf again. Her slightly muffled voice came through the fabric.

“Things like bringing me to places like this…”
“Hm?”
“How ridiculously straightforward you are, how you are so good at cooking…”
“Hm…?”

Takizawa’s ears had gone as red as the maple we’d just been looking up at.

Oh no…

Right now, I have an overwhelming urge to touch her. My wicked desires are surfacing, telling me that just my hands aren’t enough.

I briefly regretted having brought Takizawa outside.

“Hehe. Thank you. The fact that you’ll go along with my selfishness even when you hate it, the clumsy parts of you — I love those too.”
“I didn’t ask for all that.”
“Takizawa, your face is so red~. I love that too.”

I let out another little laugh. Takizawa was glaring at me sharply — and even that face I found precious.