Episode 30

The test results were brutal.

I’d worked harder than ever before.
Thanks to Mei, I’d managed to push myself much further into studying than I thought I could.

But I came second again.
First place, of course, was Yudzuki.

“Don’t give me that look.”

Apparently I’d been glaring at her without realising.

Well, I couldn’t help it.
I’d done everything I possibly could, and apparently I still wasn’t a match for Yudzuki.
A fact so sad I couldn’t even manage a sigh.

As I stood there deflated, Hinata hugged me from behind.

“Isn’t Nanoha amazing though? Two points off Yudzuki?”
“Not really. Second again.”
“It’s one question’s difference — that basically makes you equal first!”

Hinata was trying to encourage me, but that wasn’t the point.

Whether it was one point or a hundred, first was Yudzuki and second was me.
That result was everything.

“It was close this time. Being chased by Nanoha gets my heart racing.”
“I hate how unbothered you look.”
“My, what a frightening young lady.”

Yudzuki stroked my hair, playing with the ends, looking pleased with herself.
She touched me without asking far too freely. The irritation of it reached a point where I brushed her hand away.

The rest of the day passed without my head being in any of the lessons.

At lunch, a message had come from Mei — Can I come read manga today? — but with results like these I couldn’t face her, so I sent a refusal.

School finished and I trudged home.
I didn’t want to go back to the apartment today either.
For some reason I couldn’t bear to be alone there.

I had no place to be besides home, but I made my way to the shrine I’d made my own without asking.

That place I’d somehow made a favourite of mine — and then a girl who’d lost her mind had turned up there, and I’d got tangled up with her, and come to know a little of her, and she’d come to know some of my worst parts too.

At the time I couldn’t have imagined that meeting there would become something this deep.

The thought left my chest with a ticklish, constricted feeling.

Less than a month until second year ended, and then third year began, and student council finished, and exam season arrived.

It would probably be a busier year than I could imagine.

When third year came, would Mei and I be able to keep going the way we were?

Our relationship seemed deep and yet was completely fragile, and I had no idea what might sever it.

So I couldn’t picture at all what things would look like between us once we were third-years.

All kinds of feelings were filling me up today.

Not long ago I wasn’t like this — emotions didn’t shift around this violently. There wasn’t this much rise and fall in me.

Nothing registered as stimulation, just drifting through each day in a fog.

And now my mood was sinking further and further.
Second on the test results again.

Follow through on what you said.

I know.
I wanted first place too.

Just once, I wanted to show Mei something impressive.

“I wanted first place…”
“Try again next time.”

There hadn’t been anyone around, and then a voice appeared out of nowhere and I jumped to my feet.

“Mei…?”
“Why couldn’t I come over today?”

She stepped close and peered into my face, so I looked away.

Of all people, she had to be here.

“I didn’t want to see you today.”
“Why?”
“You saw the results.”

Please don’t make this more humiliating than it already is, I pleaded inwardly. But Mei blinked with a blank expression and then laughed.

“It’s not like you could take first that easily.”
“I know, but… I’m frustrated.”

I pressed my lips together and stared at the ground.

The shock was proportional to how hard I’d worked.
I was more deflated than I expected, almost worried I wouldn’t recover.

“We made a promise I’d keep watch until you got first. So let’s study today too.”
“What?”

The words were so unlike Mei that I looked up in surprise, searching her expression for what she meant, and found nothing I could read.

“That’s just an excuse to read my manga, isn’t it.”
“Ah — caught?”
“Obviously.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter.”

That answer was so perfectly Mei, and I found I didn’t dislike it.
I’d dreaded seeing her and yet, now that she was here, I felt glad.

“Alright, let’s go to mine then.”
“Okay.”

Setting off walking with Mei, my feet, which had been so heavy, were light.

When we got home, Mei sat on the floor and started reading manga. She always used the bed for manga, so I wondered what had changed.

“What’s the matter? You don’t have to avoid the bed.”
“Can I use it?”
“Of course.”

When I said so, Mei made a complicated face but sat on the edge of the bed all the same. But she didn’t start reading. Her behaviour was too strange not to ask about.

“Is something the matter?”
“Not really.”
“You’re being weird, Mei.”
“I’m not weird. Come here.”

For some reason Mei was beckoning me over. I drifted toward her as if pulled.

“What do you want for your reward?”
“Sorry?”
“You said you wanted one.”

I was so startled I couldn’t speak. Then I shook my head rapidly to clear it.

“I came second, though.”
“But it was two points.”
“Second is second regardless of the margin.”

Everyone kept praising me for it, but tests came down to results. Being consoled like that only made me sadder, and I wished they’d stop.

“The gap used to be so much bigger, and you’ve closed it to this — shouldn’t that be worth something?”

Those words struck me, and I looked up.

She might be right.
But if I let myself be satisfied with this, I’d never catch Yudzuki.

“Thank you. But I’ll save the celebrating for when I have actual results to show.”
“Okay.”
“But I might want a reward anyway.”

Without my noticing, I’d become greedy — I wanted something to acknowledge how hard I’d pushed myself. As though giving myself a little grace might let me accept this version of me.

“Fine.”

Mei agreed far more easily than I’d expected. But I hadn’t actually thought I’d get one, and I hesitated.

Mei watched me with an exasperated expression, then for some reason closed the distance between us in one movement.

I had no idea what was happening, my guard came down, and I think my face did something very strange.

“Close your eyes.”
“What?!”
“You’re the one who said you wanted a reward kiss.”
“W, well — yes, but?!”

Mei was not being like Mei at all.
Which was why I was behaving quite oddly too, I think.

No — maybe I was the strange one.
She was simply keeping a promise, and I was the one who’d proposed it and was now in a panic about it.

Regardless of the turmoil in my head, Mei was moving closer, and the bed dipped.

I wondered what on earth I was doing, but no one gave me an answer.

Mei gently cupped my chin, and looked at me with soft, unfocused eyes.

She was close enough that I could catch the clean soap smell of her, and I closed my eyes.

When it was me doing it, it had felt easy. Being on the receiving end — my heart felt close to shattering from the tension.

Immediately after closing my eyes, a soft warmth touched my lips.

Her words were always so sharp, and yet her lips were soft and warm and gentle…

My heart was beating harder than the first time we’d kissed, and my whole body felt strange.

But it didn’t end there.

My lower lip was caught in a soft, gentle bite, and her tongue traced across my lips.

I could have refused. I didn’t.

With a small, wet sound, Mei’s heat flowed into me. I didn’t know how to answer it and pressed back, tentatively.
Our warmth tangled together, and a soft sound seemed to ring directly inside my head, and my face was burning.

For just a brief moment we shared that warmth, and yet my whole body was hot, my breath wouldn’t come. Mei’s warmth withdrew, and a breath escaped me.

“Why…”

A kiss that only touched lips — that I could understand. But the kiss just now, the kind where you confirm each other — that was different. That wasn’t the kind of kiss that people who were neither friends nor lovers should be sharing.

But I didn’t want Mei to think I was flustered, so I stilled my unsteady breathing and arranged my face into composure.

“Why did you kiss me like that…?”
“I was just curious.”
“So I was used to satisfy your curiosity?”
“That’s right.”
“Awful.”

I’d been swept along by her and I felt ridiculous.

My face was hot, my body was hot, every place she’d touched was hot.

She’d called the first kiss null and void herself, and then kissed me in a way that made it anything but — Mei was an idiot.

“Mei, you idiot.”
“You’re the one who told me to.”

True.
She was right.
I thought, too late, that however lighthearted the tone I said something like that in, I shouldn’t say it.

But I didn’t want to admit my own fault, and cleared my throat and changed the subject.

“Anyway, keep watching over me until I get first place.”
“Okay.”
“Also, give me my reward.”
“No reward.”

At least she hadn’t refused to keep watch.
That was enough for now.

I lay back on the bed as I was, and apparently fell asleep from exhaustion.

And in that unclear, unresolved relationship, we became third-years.