Episode Fourteen: Don’t Say Such Cute Things
“Good thing there’s a direct flight out of Haneda. If it’d been Narita, you might’ve needed a night there beforehand.”
Early morning. Yui-san packed my suitcase into the trunk of the car, laughing.
My luggage was a few changes of clothes and the orca plushie. You’re bringing that? Doesn’t it take up too much room? Yui-san had said, but I’d ignored her and crammed it in anyway.
The orca is coming. I’ll need something to hold onto if I get homesick for her.
August had arrived in the blink of an eye, and now, before I knew it, departure day was here.
A brief goodbye to Japanese summer, and to the sound of the cicadas.
Once the bags were loaded, Yui-san opened the passenger door for me, and I climbed into her beloved car.
I never know when she washes it, but Yui-san’s car is always spotless. Maybe having a garage helps.
Apparently a hand-me-down from her brother, it’s a bit much for a college student to be driving around in, but somehow Yui-san makes it work.
According to her, “Yuki-nii loves cars, so he trades his in every three years.”
The car eased smoothly toward the airport. Moving this much luggage by train would have been a nightmare.
I sent a small, silent thanks to Yui-san’s brother, someone I’d still never met.
*
When I’d first come back to Japan, I’d been so homesick, so unbearably lonely. Now I wanted to stay here as long as I possibly could.
There’s no question whose fault that is. The person sitting right beside me.
I studied Yui-san’s profile, lit by the morning sun.
I’d realized, back at the aquarium the other day, that I loved her profile while driving, and the hands resting on the wheel.
If I could’ve stayed in Japan, she would have taken me so many more places.
Time kept pressing closer, minute by minute. I love my father, my mother, my little brother, but right now…
“…I don’t want to go back.”
I murmured it, and Yui-san laughed.
“Why not? Isn’t London cooler than Japan? Summer should be easier over there than here.”
“That’s not the point. My first Japanese summer in years, and I didn’t even get to see fireworks.”
“There’s a festival running late August. Want to go together once you’re back?”
“…Is that okay?”
“Yeah. Promise.”
University summer break runs long. I’d told my parents I could only come back for three weeks, using my part-time job as the excuse.
Plane tickets aren’t cheap either. I know that. But I want to enjoy my college summer too.
I want to go all kinds of places. With Yui-san. Like the aquarium the other day.
I feel lonely about leaving her — but what about Yui-san? Maybe she’s relieved, glad for some quiet time living alone again for once.
I kept staring at that lovely profile, giving nothing away about what she was actually thinking.
I wish she were a little easier to read. She’s sharp enough, and so good at hiding what she feels, that figuring out her real meaning takes the kind of focus you’d need for a spot-the-difference puzzle.
Noticing I’d gone quiet, lost in thought, Yui-san asked gently, what’s wrong? and I scrambled to shake the thoughts loose.
“…What should I bring back as a souvenir?”
“Hm, what’s London famous for?”
“Tea… but there’s already plenty of that at home…”
“True, we’ve got plenty. Anything’s fine, really.”
The tea I collect for afternoon tea is already a fixture in the kitchen. Yui-san’s a coffee person anyway, so more tea probably wouldn’t even make her happy.
I figured I’d have plenty of time, and decided I’d take it slow once I got back, hunting for something she’d actually like.
*
Haneda came up faster than expected, and we arrived before I’d managed to sort my feelings out at all. It was such a wrench to say goodbye that I found myself thinking, just a little, that Narita would have been better.
At the parking garage, Yui-san pulled my suitcase from the trunk. The moment of parting drew steadily closer.
“How many hours to London?”
“About half a day, I think…”
This past March, the first time I met Yui-san, it had been at this same Haneda Airport.
Back then I’d been a wreck of nerves, second-guessing myself right up until boarding — had it really been right to leave my family, to choose a Japanese university?
Not that regretting it now could undo a decision already made.
I’d been so anxious, at first, about whether things with Yui-san would even work out.
My father had said, brimming with confidence, “She’s my best friend’s daughter, you two are bound to get along” — but I’d never once lived with anyone outside my family before.
Looking back now, that worry had been completely unfounded.
At first, hearing she was the daughter of the famous Ichinose Holdings president, I’d pictured some stereotypical rich young lady.
But the person who showed up at the airport shattered that image in about every way possible.
I’d assumed, being a wealthy heiress, she’d show up in a dress, maybe with an attendant trailing behind — but no matter how hard I scanned the airport, no one like that was anywhere in sight.
When I called her, a woman in a black cap waved at me, and I remember being genuinely stunned.
Right, she’d been wearing those same sneakers at the aquarium too, come to think of it. The black-and-white Nikes.
Dressed down as she was, her glossy long black hair and sharply defined features were so striking that I remember thinking I’d never seen anyone that beautiful.
No driver, just her, showing up in a black luxury car she called her brother’s hand-me-down — completely unlike the image I’d built up beforehand, and honestly, she’d looked more like trouble than anything.
Her nails had been jet black that day too.
First impressions really do land more often than not, I think, looking back on it now.
But that she liked women — honestly, I hadn’t seen that coming at all, not at first.
*
Once check-in was done and I finally had my hands free, restlessness crept in all at once.
Time always seems to move impossibly fast when I’m with Yui-san.
I have to go now. But I don’t want to be apart from her.
I stopped in front of security and turned back toward Yui-san.
This is as far as she can walk with me. She can’t come any further than this.
I took her hand gently and looked up at her. Those endlessly kind black eyes were watching me.
Why, right now, did I so desperately want her to hold me?
Even knowing I couldn’t do something like that in public.
“…I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
“You have to actually pick up, don’t ignore me.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Even if you’re with some girl. Would you pick my call over hers?”
“Obviously.”
“…You call me sometimes too, okay?”
“Of course I will.”
“……………………I really don’t want to go.”
I know I’m saying things meant to fluster her. Yui-san laughed and stroked my cheek gently with the hand not holding mine.
“…Kanata, don’t say such cute things. I’m going to genuinely not want to let you go.”
Unable to let go of her hand myself, unwilling to be apart, she gave it a firm squeeze, as if trying to reason with me.
“…I’ll come pick you up again once you’re back in Japan. Travel safe.”
I nodded, small, and her hand slipped away at the same moment.
“Have a safe trip.”
“I’m off, then.”
Too reluctant to just walk away, I turned back and waved, again and again.
With the time difference, when it’s night in Japan, it’ll be daytime there. I’ll still call. No matter what.
While I’m gone, please don’t spend that time with someone else. I have no right to ask for that, and still, I couldn’t stop myself from wishing it.
*
The plane lifted off, leaving Japan behind. Once we’d climbed high enough to break through the clouds, missing Yui-san hit me with an intensity I couldn’t do anything about.
How strange. We’d only just parted, and already I wanted to see her again.
I knocked my head lightly against the plane window.
Something about me lately is definitely off. Maybe something’s actually wrong with me.
I don’t know the reason. I can’t figure it out.
Because nobody’s ever told me what to call a feeling like this.