Episode 84: You won’t understand unless you actually say it properly

Naturally, the only woman I’ve ever had sex with is Yui-san.
Of course, I don’t think I’ll ever offer this body to anyone else in my life, but precisely because of that, I find myself thinking certain things.

Like when she’s demanding me so intensely, like this.

　She shoved me into the bathroom, then ripped off my bra, which I’d barely managed to keep hooked onto my arm. Yui grabbed my arm forcefully and pulled me towards her.
I instinctively tried to back away, to create some distance, but of course, there was nowhere to go. There was no escape.
For every step I took back, she simply closed the gap. In the end, she wrapped her arms completely around me and gently pressed her lips to the nape of my neck.

“Yui-san,” I tried calling her name in a trembling voice. But she seemed utterly unwilling to wait any longer. She cornered me against the wall and, without asking permission, swiftly pulled my underwear down to my thighs.
As a last-ditch resistance, I clung to her back, digging my nails in to shield my body from view. I heard her laugh softly in my ear.

“Kanata, if you cling to me like that, I can’t get you undressed.”

“But…”

The orange light illuminating the bathroom was somewhat dimmer than in the changing area, yet even when we were in bed together, it was never this bright.
The light was bright enough to see her body clearly without straining my eyes, and shame welled up inside me.

“You’ve got such cute underwear, do you want it to get stretched out?”

　She said it teasingly, but she was the one trying to take it off. Being completely naked in such bright light made me feel exposed and fidgety.

“…No.”

“Then lift your legs. I’ll take it off for you. Come on?”

She said it in a tone like coaxing a stubborn child, pressing her lips close to my ear. Despite being so angry just moments ago, she suddenly turned on a dime and spoke so gently. I always end up being completely at her mercy.

I loosened the grip of my arms holding her close and pulled back slightly. Why did Yui-san bring me into the bathroom? What does she intend to do after undressing me?
Noticing my uneasy expression, Yui-san gently pressed her lips to my cheek as if to reassure me.

Her left hand gently stroked my thigh, sliding my underwear smoothly down to my feet.
First my collarbone. Then my stomach, my waist, my thigh — her lips traced the contours of my body in turn, making me involuntarily squeeze my eyes shut.

Then, slipping the underwear off my toes, she flung it from the bathroom into the dressing area.
　When the door separating the changing room and bathroom slammed shut, there was truly nowhere left to run. I was trapped like a rat in a bag.

Those dark eyes simply stared at me. I knew it was pointless to feel embarrassed about being seen naked now. But still, I couldn’t get used to that intense, heated gaze.

“…You’re beautiful.”

Yui-san always calls me “cute”. But whenever I’m naked, she invariably compliments me like this, saying “You’re beautiful”.
Hearing that makes me feel all tingly inside, like my insides are being tickled, and I can’t sit still.

　To be honest, I lack confidence in my figure. I don’t have long, slender limbs like Yui-san, nor do I have a particularly curvaceous body. I don’t know what kind of woman she prefers. I’ve never asked, and I was too scared to ask.
But those eyes that always gaze at me so lovingly, the way they look at me now, filled with desire, burns my chest unbearably hot.

“…Don’t look so much.”

　Embarrassment made tears well up in my eyes. Yui-san, noticing I was on the verge of crying, widened her eyes slightly in surprise.
Then she smiled and pulled me tightly into her embrace.

“…Don’t make that face. You’re so cute, really.”

Yui-san’s voice, tinged with a sigh, was as soft and gentle as ever.

“But I told you not to be mean…”

“Sorry, sorry. I won’t be mean anymore. Please, don’t cry.”

She kissed the corner of my eye as if to wipe away the tear that had spilled, and her palm rubbed soothingly against my back. I felt relieved, knowing she had forgiven me.

　It’s always been like this, but with Yui-san, I can never tell if she’s being kind or being mean. Those traits seem like polar opposites, yet she manages to balance them perfectly.
I’m always tossed about by that seesaw-like difference in mood, and it feels utterly impossible to escape this bottomless swamp.

That personality of yours that captivates all the women in the world — I really wish you’d do something about it.

I was so frustrated, so frustrated, that I squeezed her body tight with all my strength. “Ouch, ouch!” Yui-san laughed.

“You idiot, Yui-san.”

“But I just couldn’t stand the thought of someone else’s scent clinging to you, Kanata. That’s why I wanted to get rid of it quickly.”

“…But you didn’t have to be so mean about it. You used to come home smelling of other girls all the time when we were students, didn’t you? Have you forgotten?”

“Did I? I don’t remember anything from when we were students. I don’t remember anything except you, Kanata.”

There’s no way she could have forgotten something from just a few years ago. Really, Yui-san is always like this. So convenient for her.
　Yui-san smiled at my sulking and picked up the shower head, twisting the tap on with a click.
The shower water came out with force, splashing a little onto my feet. I shivered at its coldness.
After a while, steam filled the air. Yui-san checked the temperature with her palm and then directed the shower head towards my body.

It was warm and felt nice… but I still felt embarrassed.

“To make it up to you, I’ll wash your body.”

“It’s alright, I can wash myself…”

“No. I’ll do it.”

She picked up an expensive-looking bottle, saying she’d bought new body soap for Kanata, and smiled brightly as she worked up a rich lather in her hands.
As if to overwrite the cigarette smell with citrus fragrance, her hands gently slid over my wet skin.
　From my nape, over my collarbone, down to my chest. When she stroked my shoulder, the sensation of her fingertips tracing the contours gently, as if confirming the shape right down to her fingertips, made me feel… oddly unsettled.

“Um, Yui-san, you’re getting wet too.”

“Ah… right, I got carried away and forgot to take mine off.”

　While she’d left me completely naked, Yui-san was still in her underwear. That was a little frustrating.
She has such a great figure and seems completely comfortable undressing in front of me, so if I ask, “Yui-san, take yours off too,” she always does it straight away.
But right now, she seemed too busy washing my body to grant that request.

Yui-san had returned to being somewhat gentler, yet the heat deep within her eyes remained utterly undimmed.
Though one might be deceived by her beautiful appearance, Yui-san—despite looking as though she’d have no sexual desire whatsoever — is utterly the opposite inside.
That ferocious gaze, reminiscent of a wolf, always sets my body ablaze, instantly undoing me.

　My breath quickened. My mind knew she was merely washing my body, yet when her fingertips traced my stomach and touched my hip, my body trembled involuntarily. Noticing this, Yui gave a faint smile.

“Yui-san, wh-where are you washing me…?”

Yui-san, crouched down, strokes my right thigh as if spreading the lather. When she touches those sensitive spots, my body reacts strangely without me even meaning it to, and I find it so embarrassing I ask. Looking up at me, she smiles mischievously.

“How far do you want me to wash?”

Her palm slid down gently, tracing the back of my thigh, then softly caressing my calf.
My heart pounded wildly. I rarely got to look down at Yui like this. My gaze was riveted on the full, pure white curve of her chest peeking out from beneath her navy blue underwear.

　Before meeting Yui-san, I’d never experienced my heart pounding so painfully just from seeing a woman’s body.

Just as I thought her palm had reached my ankle, it slowly began tracing its way back up my leg. From my calf, to the back of my knee, the back of my thigh, then the inner thigh.
A shiver ran down my spine. Oh, no, I thought. I’m done for. The switch had been flipped completely.

　To calm this body once it’s been set alight, I simply need this person. No one else. Your fingers, your voice, your body heat.

Only now do I think I understand Yui-san’s purpose.

She intended this from the start. She never planned to touch me herself; she meant to make me beg for it.
I told you not to be mean, you liar, Yui-san. I wanted to complain, but I didn’t want to be teased even more. So I resigned myself and closed my eyes.

“Yui-san…”

“What is it?”

“Please… stop being so mean…”

“I’m not being mean. I’m just washing your body, aren’t I?”

“That’s exactly what’s mean…”

After gazing at me with such fervent eyes, after touching me in ways that set this body ablaze, to claim you’re merely washing me — such reasoning simply won’t hold water.

“Is that so?”

The bathroom echoes terribly. The sound of the shower hitting the floor and my own heartbeat ringing in my ears make me feel dizzy.
Those eyes, fixed on me, await my words. Probably, Yui-san wouldn’t give me anything unless I asked.
But if I suppressed my embarrassment and begged for just one word, surely Yui-san would give me what I wanted without hesitation.

Just one word. Only one word.

“Yui-san…”

I called her name in a trembling voice. My breath grew shallow, my chest rising and falling repeatedly. All the while, she kept stroking my leg softly, watching me.

“What is it, Kanata? …I can’t understand unless you say it properly.”

Our gazes locked. I felt as if I were being played like a puppet in Yui-san’s palm – she surely saw right through my thoughts.
She must have understood from the start that I would say whatever words she desired, whatever she wished.

　Yui-san knows my character well. She reads my next move, and the one after that. That’s the sort of person she is.

“Please… properly… touch me.”

The words that slipped from my lips were so faint, so feeble, they nearly drowned in the sound of the shower hitting the floor.
Yui-san’s lips, who must have been waiting for those words, curved into a smile.

　Standing up, I embraced her almost clinging to her, unconcerned that her underwear would get wet, and our lips gently met.

“Yes, alright. …Well done.”

Gently pulling away, her eyes, filled with desire, peered at me. My heart and body were pierced by that gaze, and in the end, I trembled so easily, craving her so intensely I couldn’t wait for the bed.

＊＊＊

“Hey… Yui-san, I’m hungry.”

After she’d finished drying my hair on the sofa and was winding up the hairdryer cord, I let it slip out, almost as if venting my sulky feelings.

After work, I was practically dragged home against my will, and then we ended up doing it in the bathroom without even eating dinner. Exhausted from the exertion, my stomach was now rumbling loudly.
Right now, I deeply regret falling into Yui-san’s trap and seeking her out in the bathroom.

　I hadn’t realised my voice would carry like that, and even though she was supporting me, standing up like that was a first for me too, so it was quite taxing. Definitely partly because Yui-san took her sweet time finishing.

“Hungry? Shall we order something in?”

She hugged me tightly from behind and said. But I wasn’t in the mood for that right now. Feeling intensely sulky, I shook my head vigorously from side to side.
　Tonight, I felt like being spoiled. After all, she’d been so mean to me; a little spoiling should be allowed.

“No, Yui-san, you make it. Anything at all.”

“Anything at all? Fine, but… what do we have?”

Ever the quick-footed one, Yui-san released her embrace, stood up, and headed for the kitchen. I wrapped myself in the blanket, averting my eyes from the bite mark on her pure white shoulder, visible through her loungewear T-shirt.

Autumn was nearing its end. Having started dating Yui-san at the tail end of summer — this first autumn spent as lovers had become a season of immense happiness, creating irreplaceable, cherished memories.

　I watched the back of my beloved girlfriend as she peered into the fridge, seriously considering what to make.

“Hey, Kanata, would pasta be alright?”

I nodded yes to Yui-san, who turned back to ask.

Winter would soon arrive. And after winter passed, spring would come. Then, she would surely be free at last, and we would overcome the spring we couldn’t get through four years ago.

　I won’t give up anymore. I won’t let Yui-san slip away from me again.

Whatever happens from now on, the two of us will be alright.

Because right now, I love her from the bottom of my heart — that girl who’s mean but utterly kind.