Episode Seventeen

After thoroughly enjoying watching Ibara looking rather amusing, I rose from my seat.
Like a frightened pet dog, Ibara jerked her head up.

“Wh-what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’? Preparing dinner. We’ve only had doughnuts and crêpes today.”

“…Oh, right. Right then, I’ll be off.”

Seeing Ibara hastily rise from her seat, I couldn’t help but smile wryly.

“Aren’t you staying over?”

“Eh?”

I retrieved a half-cut cabbage and white dashi from the fridge, and a tin of mackerel and pasta from the kitchen cupboard.
Tonight it’s Japanese-style pasta with mackerel and cabbage. Simple, yet delicious.
　I heated oil in a frying pan, adding shredded cabbage leaves as I went.
Simultaneously, I boiled water in a pot, added the pasta broken in half, and set the kitchen timer.

“…Is it okay if I stay?”

“Sure.”

“I’m a hassle, you know. A woman with triple troubles?”

“I know.”

Quickly stir-fry the cabbage. When it starts to wilt, add the mackerel from the tin, oil and all.
When it’s about right, mix in some white dashi stock. Break up the fish while cooking off any excess liquid.
Toss with the cooked pasta and sprinkle on some pepper.
Taste a bit with chopsticks. Mm, tasty.

“Could you pass the plates?”

“…Right.”

Ibara brought two proper curry plates.
She served the food, carried it to the small dining table, and clasped her hands together.

“Let’s eat.”

“I-I’ll eat too.”

Still hesitant, Ibara reached for her fork.
After a bite or two, as if her body remembered its appetite, her eating speed picked up.

“It’s delicious…”

“I’m glad.”

They ate in silence for a while. Only the clatter of cutlery echoed.
After a moment, Ibara timidly opened her mouth.

“…Aren’t you going to ask?”

“Ask what?”

“Why I got insomnia, or why I quit being an idol…”

“If you want to tell me, I’ll listen. If you don’t, I won’t ask.”

Everyone has one or two things they’d rather not talk about in life.
I’m no exception.
I haven’t lived seven years longer than Ibara for nothing.
Ibara lowered her head and fell silent.
As I cleared the empty dishes, an incongruously cheerful chime sounded.
　An automated voice announced the bath was ready.
I stepped into the tub first. After getting out, I urged Ibara to warm herself too.
Watching her back shuffle slowly into the washroom, I stirred a stick of sugar into the milk poured into a mug.
Timing it for when the water stopped running, I pressed the ‘warm’ switch.

“It’s hot, so be careful.”

Then, when Ibara returned wearing pyjamas, I handed her the steaming hot milk.
Watching the rippling white surface, Ibara groaned, “Uuuuuu.”
And then, she exploded.

“…Enough! Enough, enough, enough! Shigure-san, that’s cheating!”

　Grabbing her own still faintly damp hair, she stamped her feet and shouted.

“Why are you so grown-up only at times like this! Always, always!”

Well, it was a time like this, so of course I had to be grown-up.
Twenty-four years old might seem like a child to a real adult.
Still, I had to be grown-up, at least in front of this child.
　Haaah, Ibara exhaled deeply.
Her moist eyes reflected the LED light like jewels.
Gradually, the tension drained from her entire body.

“…I still want you to listen. Please. I beg you.”

“All right.”

I nodded and sat down on the bedside.

†

“──It’s not like there’s any straightforward reason, you know.”

Saying that, Ibara began to speak.
About how she’d wanted to leave the closed-off countryside and move to the capital as soon as possible.
About how she’d auditioned for an entertainment agency as a means to that end.
About how, likely thanks to her blessed looks, things had gone smoothly right up to her debut.

“I always thought I’d fail,”

Ibara confessed.

“I thought, well, that’s fine too. I’d already started high school, so if it didn’t work out, I’d go to university on a scholarship, do night work or whatever, and just get by somehow.”

“I see.”

“Do you look down on me?”

“Not at all.”

Some kids aim to be idols for reasons like that. Some read manga and become professional athletes.
　The trigger is often trivial. What matters is what comes next.

“But I succeeded. I actually succeeded.”

Probably. That’s how it was.
“Charles” succeeded. At least, in getting off to a flying start.
Unlike Momono-chan, I’m not well-versed in the ins and outs of the scene.
Even so, just from a quick look up while bathing, I could grasp that “Charles” had gained more than a fair share of popularity.
　Apparently, they’d even planned a Budokan live for next year. Even in these times, I can vaguely grasp how that would be an incredible feat.

“I became popular right after debuting, and everyone kept telling me to try harder, that this was just the beginning. I thought so too. I decided to go for it seriously. I kept running, doing everything I could – lessons, live shows, videos, filming, social media – and then I realised I couldn’t sleep anymore.”

　The primary cause of sleep disorders is said to be mental and physical stress.
The constant tension of being under public scrutiny and the physical toll.
How much had those days of relentlessly running across the stage worn her down, both mentally and physically?

“Even so, I kept fooling myself for a while. But there really is a limit. My parents back home found out and went straight to the agency, saying they couldn’t let me continue this work anymore, and that was it. I didn’t even get to do my graduation performance.”

I couldn’t begin to imagine what an idol’s work entailed.
But when I saw the live footage of Charles that Momono-chan sent me, I was honestly overwhelmed.
Singing and dancing in front of thousands of spectators. Creating and sharing an entire world.
Just that alone must be an enormous burden.
It’s simply not a job someone who can’t sleep could manage. And Ibara was still only a teenager.
　The agency and her parents’ decision was surely right. I think it was the correct choice.

But.
I suppose Ibara couldn’t accept it.

“It’s pathetic, isn’t it? All the other members and everyone at the agency are working so hard. I just ran off, doing what I please, betraying the fans who supported me. Causing trouble for everyone in Charles and the manager too. Running away from home, ending up relying on Aki-chan, and then this…”

　It wasn’t just insomnia.
Other rains were falling around Ibara too.
Those raindrops surely bore the name ‘guilt’.
The trust of her members, the agency’s expectations, the fans’ support.
The heart that tormented itself for betraying all of that had become an unceasing rain, beating relentlessly upon her soul.
Transparent tears welled in her eyes, rimmed with dark circles.
　A beautiful, fragile princess, like glass covered in cracks.
But.

“That’s not it,”

I said.

“It’s not ‘just doing as you please’. If you’re tired, it’s fine to take a break. It doesn’t matter if you’re an idol or an office worker.”

No matter how dazzlingly brilliant an idol might be, it’s ultimately just a job.
　If you’re tired, of course you can rest. Just like I drop by Sereno after work.
Rest if you need to. Slack off if you must. If even that feels impossible, running away is fine too.
A lowly hired designer and a glittering idol are the same.
There’s no need to feel the slightest guilt for actions taken to protect your own heart.

“…You’ve been trying so hard all this time, haven’t you?”

My hand moved of its own accord.
Across the small single-person table, I stroked her princess-like hair.
Words flowed out naturally.

“You’re brave. So very brave. You’ve tried so hard, Ibara.”

“…Ah…”

“Let’s get better together. But there’s no need to rush. If it’s alright with you, I’ll sleep beside you as long as you need.”

Even if everyone in the world condemned Ibara’s weakness and berated her, I alone wanted to affirm her. I wanted to remain her ally.

I wanted to be the witch who brought peaceful sleep to this child.

Like stars twinkling, Ibara blinked repeatedly.
Tears streamed down her smooth cheek.
I thought she was adorable. Not that it was about seeing her cry.
She isn’t cute because she’s an idol; she’s an idol because she’s cute. I realised that obvious truth.
With a gaze as captivating as a first-magnitude star, Ibara murmured.

“…Shigure-san, you really are unfair.”

“What’s unfair?”

“A beautiful older sister shouldn’t be so kind to a younger girl like that.”

“Well, if I want to be kind, that’s fine, isn’t it…”

“It’s not fine.”

“Why?”

“Because—”

Ibara’s eyes reddened as she looked straight at me.

“I’d end up liking you.”

“Eh?”

“Or rather, it’s already too late.”

Ibara knelt down, swaying slightly.
Like a beast on all fours, she circled around the table and approached me.
Eh, eh, eh.

“Um… Ibara? Ibara-san?”

“……….”

Silence.
Overwhelmed by her wild animal-like presence, I stumbled backwards, but my back immediately hit the bed.
Too close.
The distance was too short; I could see nothing but Ibara.
Only her eyes, framed by long lashes, her glossy cherry-coloured lips, her porcelain skin.
　The vivid, earnest blue dwelling deep within those transparent eyes dazzled me.
My heart was making too much noise. The mask of adulthood I’d been wearing felt like it was about to slip away.
After a long silence, Ibara spoke.

“…………………Just kidding. It was a joke.”

“Eh?”

“A joke, I tell you. Don’t worry.”

“Eh, ah… oh, right.”

Ibara pulled away smoothly.
──Just kidding.
Oh, right. Just kidding.
That gave me a fright…
Please don’t startle me like that. For a moment, I thought you were serious.

“Ah well. Feels like getting everything off my chest has cleared my head.”

She shifted from all fours to sitting, gently leaning her shoulder against mine.
　Her small head tilted sideways and plopped onto my shoulder.
She wrapped her arms around me and clung tightly.
Unintentionally, we ended up in the same position as the first time we slept together.
With sleepy eyes, Ibara let out a cute yawn: “Haa, ah.”

“…I think I’m getting sleepy.”

“You drank milk, so you have to brush your teeth.”

“Shigure-san, you’re like a mum.”

“Oh…”

“Sorry, I was just joking.”

She chuckled softly, like a young dove.
…What was that?
Her slender, delicate fingers covered the back of my hand, slipping between my fingers.

“It’s alright. I’m not going to sleep yet.”

A smile blossomed on her lips.

“Just for today, I want to stay awake a little longer. It feels like a dream.”