Episode Two: I Want to Start Over — September 2032 —
I opened the messaging app’s chat screen for no particular reason, confirmed there was no reply from my teacher, and closed it. After performing this pointless, sad routine that had become habitual whenever I was idle, I sighed.
The day I stayed at the teacher’s house, I finally got their contact details. But the excitement was only fleeting. I realised for the first time how terribly lonely it is when someone you want to exchange messages with doesn’t reply.
For the teacher, the messaging app is merely a tool for conveying business matters. So even if I send meaningless messages just seeking connection, a reply is unlikely. Only after tacking on a contrived question at the end does a brief reply finally come.
Three times ignored, one reply – that became the norm. The desire to know someone more deeply, the habit of repeatedly checking the chat screen when no reply came – these were things I’d never experienced before.
‘When shall we buy the plates for your house?’
The most recent message I’d sent had made me nervous, so I fidgeted more than usual while waiting for a reply. Holding my phone constantly meant I immediately noticed a message from Wataru, even though I’d muted him.
‘I need to talk. I’m near your place right now. Can we meet for a bit?’
…Near my place? That’s stalker territory. I considered ignoring it, assuming he just wanted us to get back together, but if he flew off the handle and turned up at my door, that’d be a nightmare.
It was just before eight. There were still people about, so perhaps it would be wiser to meet him quickly and persuade him in person to give up this time.
I told Wataru the meeting place and time, then changed from my loungewear into regular clothes. Before leaving the house, I checked the chat screen one last time.
Still no reply from the teacher.
☆
Waiting at a shop near the station, Wataru smiled with relief when I sat down opposite him.
“Meisa. Thanks for coming.”
Even though we’d once been lovers, just hearing him call my name like that now made my chest flutter in an unpleasant way.
“What’s this important talk? You summoned me out of the blue and it’s bloody annoying. Get on with it.”
“But you did come. I can hope for something, can’t I?”
“Cut it out. Stop it. My ex being clingy is nothing but stress.”
I already know the loneliness of not getting a reply from someone I want to talk to, yet it seems I can’t always be there when someone wants me.
…What if, just as I find Kō’s messages bothersome or unpleasant, Sensei finds my messages irritating?
I’d been trying not to think about it, but talking to Wataru felt like being confronted with reality, and suddenly I was overcome with anxiety.
“You’re thinking about someone else right now, aren’t you? Is that right? Not focusing on me?”
A shock and terror, as if my thoughts had been read, made my whole body break out in goosebumps.
“That kind of comment sounds narcissistic, so stop it. Even a 2D character would be picky about who said that.”
Wataru’s gaze fixed on me as I feigned calmness was terrifying. My instincts screamed. He absolutely mustn’t realise the feelings I’m developing for Sensei.
Even as I thought this, I couldn’t shake the feeling the situation was spiralling towards the worst possible outcome.
“Meisa. I need you to hear me out one more time.”
His voice sounded slow and soothing, yet I could sense Wataru’s tension. Men who ask me out always give off that unique air, a mix of expectation, tension, anxiety, and resolve, so it’s always easy to tell.
Having learned from past experience, I easily sensed that Wataru was about to confess to me at this moment.
“I still like you, Meisa. I want to start over.”
“Sorry. I’ve told you many times, I have no intention of starting over.”
I give a sincere reply. Or rather, feigned sincerity. A calculated performance born of human courtesy and the need to make Kō give up on me completely.
Our gazes locked. Nothing but the tense scrutiny of eyes probing each other’s hearts. The clamour of our hearts was of a completely different quality to that of romance.
After a breathless silence, Kō, who looked as if he wanted to say something, exhaled softly.
“I see… All right. Oh well… ‘Going head-to-head’ didn’t work, did it?”
Despite having persistently hounded me relentlessly until now, she suddenly became compliant. Though puzzled, I assumed this meant she intended to give up on me completely.
At last, I wouldn’t be troubled by Kō anymore. Thinking this, I felt a slight lightness lift from my shoulders.
“Let’s go back to being friends like before we dated. Like when we all hung out together, like Fuwa and Suzuka and everyone.”
“Everyone’s fine… but since neither of us has anyone else right now, let’s go out together again. There’s somewhere I want to take you, Meisa.”
“Nah, going out alone with your ex for no reason? That’s impossible.”
“Huh? It’s just going out, right?”
“I’m not in the mood. Going on a date with someone I don’t fancy just seems like a waste of time.”
Kō, who’d looked surprised at first, gradually curled the corners of his mouth up in a sarcastic smirk.
“…You’ve changed, Meisa. Before we dated, you were the kind of girl who’d just go along with things if asked out. Like, you’d try everything, or maybe you just didn’t think too much about it.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t think about things. I just didn’t understand what it meant to like someone. I thought that by forcing myself to act, by trying things out, I might gain something. That’s why I pushed myself.
Kō’s words, which seemed to dismiss my efforts, genuinely annoyed me.
“What’s this? Are you picking a fight?”
“Of course not. …I really didn’t want to resort to this sort of thing.”
Our eyes met. Somehow, I had a bad feeling. Watching him fiddle with his phone, my heart clenched and cold sweat ran down my back.
What flowed between us was anxiety and tension, utterly devoid of sweetness.
“…This is you, isn’t it?”
What he showed me was a photo of me sitting in the passenger seat of the teacher’s car.