Episode Forty-Seven

“I’m sorry for asking this. But I wanted to know.”

With her head bowed, I couldn’t see Ibara’s expression.
Stroking her back, I continued.

“If I’m mistaken, well… it’s embarrassing. But I thought maybe…”

A long, drawn-out sniffle sounded.

“…then… would you…?”

“Ibara?”

I couldn’t hear clearly.
When I asked, this time she spoke a little more distinctly.

“Even if I say yes, will you sleep with me?”

Ibara lifted her face.
At the corners of her eyes, framed by long lashes, tears pooled.
Suddenly, I understood why she was crying.
　She was scared.
Of me rejecting her.
Oh, bloody hell. I’m such an idiot. What am I making her say?
Her thin throat trembling, Ibara continued.

“Even though I look at you strangely, Shigure-san, is it alright for me to stay with you?”

“…No.”

“Eh?”

“That’s what I said, you know. A little while ago, anyway.”

If I wasn’t interested, we couldn’t sleep together. That’s what I would have said. The me from when I reunited with Haru.
But now it’s different.
The relationship between me and Ibara isn’t just one-sided giving.
We both receive so much from each other, and I know that now.

“Now, it seems I’m the one who doesn’t want to separate.”

Enough to turn a blind eye to that perfectly reasonable argument about not sleeping together if you’re not willing.
Hibari-san said it. The shape of love is different for everyone, and not every relationship has a clear-cut name.
Haru said it. What matters is whether you have the resolve to accept it.
And Aki-san said it. First and foremost, opening your own heart is the absolute prerequisite.
Therefore.

“To be honest,”

I said.

“I’m not sure yet if I can accept you in that way, Ibara.”

“Eh…”

For a moment, a shadow passed over Ibara’s expression.
That was it, that was definitely my true feelings.
But please, hear me out to the end.

“But I want to be with Ibara. I can’t do that yet, but I want to sleep together from now on. What about you, Ibara?”

A transparent droplet spilled from the corner of Ibara’s eye.
It was so beautiful that my body moved unconsciously.
Chu.
The jewel-like tear tasted faintly salty.
With a soft thud, Ibara buried their face in my chest.

“…Are you sure it’s alright?”

“It’s alright.”

I stroked her soft hair. With all the tenderness I could muster, given who I am.
Rubbing her nose against my chest, Ibara continued.

“I’m going through puberty, you know. I’m bound to look at you with naughty eyes a lot.”

“It’s alright, just looking. But no peeping, alright?”

“In my head, I might be thinking things that would make you recoil in disgust.”

“Permission granted. Do as you please. Do whatever you like to the me in your fantasies, make me do whatever you like.”

“…………Like the other day, next to you…”

“Next to me?”

“Sorry, I can’t do this. Absolutely impossible. I’d rather die.”
　What was that? Did she wet the bed or something? Probably not.
Still clutching my loungewear tightly, Ibara shuddered slightly.

“Listen. I’m… much less able to hold back than I thought I was… Half… no, about eighty percent of it is your fault… I tend to go a bit overboard, you know? That sort of thing. Are you really sure you’re okay with this?”

Blimey, you’re really laying down the ground rules.
And what’s this about it being eighty per cent my fault?
I must say, that’s rather hurtful.

“Of course I won’t cause you any trouble, Shigure-san, and I’d never touch you without permission or force myself on you. But I like you so much I might not be able to control myself, and I might end up hurting you.”

“…I see.”

　Personally, I’ve never had strong urges like that, so I don’t really understand.
Even I sometimes want to hug Ibara tightly on cold days, or find myself drawn to the outline of the bulge pushing up her knitted cardigan, or the whiteness of her thighs peeking out from her pleated uniform skirt.
Is that what it’s like?
It must be painful.
Perhaps it’s better to let her release some of that tension, rather than forcing her to endure it.
　Though, you know, that sort of… assistance Hibari-san mentioned is completely out of the question.
If it’s a serious worry for Ibara, I want to do whatever I can for her. After all, it seems I’m the cause, in a way.
Ibara’s a minor, and my own feelings remain unclear, so we can’t be physical.

“Ah, right. How about this then?”

Ibara shifted away from my chest and lifted her face.

“While I’m asleep, it’s fine if you touch me a little. My body.”

“…………………………. Huh?”

“Ah, but nothing that’ll wake me up, alright? It’d be awkward, and I’d end up sleep-deprived.”

Right. Saying it like this, well, at worst, it’ll just be a bit of touching on my chest or legs.
That much, with Ibara, I don’t mind at all.
I took Ibara’s hand and peered into their wide, dazed eyes.

“What do you think? Would that ease the naughty feelings inside you a little…?”

　PANG.
──Hm? What was that? An explosion just now?
Like an auditory hallucination, yet not quite.

“…………………… Haaah…”

Ibara let out a deep, heavy sigh.
Not a good reaction. Maybe my suggestion was a bit off.

“I-Ibara?”

“………….”

　Ibara rose unsteadily, her eyes unusually unsettling.
And then, just when I thought she was about to say something—

“I’m going for a run.”

“Eh?”

“I’m going for a ten-kilometre run, starting now.”

“Why???”

Ibara gritted her teeth with a sharp, grinding sound.
Blimey. That’s what teeth grinding sounds like.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

“S-sorry. Um, that suggestion earlier wasn’t great, was it? So, let’s just forget about it… Instead, instead… Hmm, right. Want to touch my boobs? Just kidding!”

Ibara’s movements stopped dead.

“…J-just kidding…”

“Touch them.”

She sat down with a thud.

“If you let me touch them, I’ll forgive you for that succubus comment you made earlier.”

“What succubus comment?”

“Never mind that. Hurry up.”

“But I’m curious… Eh, you really want to touch them?”

“You were the one who suggested it, weren’t you?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“…Do you really not want me to touch you?”

“Isn’t that a bit of a trick question?”

　I don’t mind.
Whether I’d accept such an act is another matter, but I felt no aversion to having my skin touched.
So is that alright? Is it?

“…Um… Well, over my clothes then…”

“Understood.”

Quick response.

“Also, about that. I’d appreciate it if you could hold back a little. Might make me feel weird.”

“Are you inviting me?”

“No.”

She sat with her back against the bed.
Facing me, Ibara knelt on the floor in seiza.

“Why are you kneeling?”

“For spirit and respect.”

“Er… it’s not that grand, is it? I’m smaller than you, Ibara.”

“But it’s yours, Shigure-san. Is that alright?”

“…………Yes. Then, go ahead.”

Feeling it, I thrust my chest forward.
Ibara’s throat moved up and down.
Fingers like whitebait stretched towards my chest.

“…………Mm…”

Through the thin nightwear, her fingertips touched me.
Ibara’s touch was incredibly restrained, timid and hesitant – the perfect description.
On top of that, she kept a completely straight face the whole time she touched me. She was so serious it made me smile involuntarily.

“…Wh-why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re touching me with such a serious face, Ibara. And it tickles.”

“…You idiot, Shigure.”

“Ah!”

Ibara’s hand withdrew, subtly pinching the tip.
Ugh. That last bit… I let out a weird sound. How embarrassing.

“Ibara, are you… somewhat satisfied?”

“…………Maybe.”

Ibara, flushed red to the ears and looking away, was undeniably cute.
　That’s all for today.
But will the day ever come when I can accept everything that lies ahead?
In just over a year, Ibara will graduate from high school. She’ll become an adult in name and in reality.
If, by then, I myself can truly wish for ‘that’.
If Ibara still wishes for ‘that’ from me.

Somehow, that didn’t seem like such a bad future after all.