Episode 100: School Trip (3)

On the way back from the study and social gathering, I think I did something rather harsh to Takizawa. I’ve reflected on it, but I don’t regret it.

‘Hina—’

I still can’t forget the sound of her voice when she called my name. Whenever she calls my name, it feels special, as if a spell has been cast.

　However, because I’d done such a thing out of sheer jealousy, the school trip became all the more depressing.

My parents passed away on the day I returned from my primary school trip. It’s not that school trips are bad, but the events of that time left me quite traumatised, so I wasn’t particularly keen on the high school trip either.

It didn’t have to be fun. I just wanted it to end without anything bad happening.
That was all I wished for.

　The day of the school trip arrived in the blink of an eye.

　For some reason, Mai and Takizawa’s seats had been swapped on the Shinkansen, so Takizawa was sitting next to me. It was a blissful, trivial moment, watching videos together whilst sitting next to Takizawa. I was so happy I wanted to touch her, so I reached out to hold her hand, only to have her brush it away.

　I thought to myself, ‘Surely it’s fine just to hold hands,’ but as I didn’t want her to move any further away, I decided to quietly watch the videos instead.

　There were no major problems. Well… apart from the fact that I’d have liked to spend a bit more time exploring the history museum just the two of us, the first day ended without a hitch. I felt relieved that nothing bad had happened.

Just as I was thinking that, Mai revealed something unexpected.

Mai and Miumi are dating?

Since when?

I thought I’d been fighting with Miumi over Takizawa. Does that mean she confessed to Takizawa whilst I wasn’t looking and got rejected? My mind couldn’t keep up with Mai’s confession.

I have so many questions, yet Mai won’t tell me anything more than she has to. She’s skilled at that sort of thing, she’s good with words and knows exactly how to keep people at arm’s length. So, left in the dark, I’m the only one being left behind here.

As if to rub salt into the wound, she asked me if I had a crush on anyone.

　I’m not sure if Mai knows who I like and is asking on purpose, or if she genuinely doesn’t know.

If there’s someone I like, they’re right in front of me.

If she’d say she likes me and become my girlfriend right now, I’d say it as many times as it takes.

But I’m a coward—

The one thing I didn’t want was for the distance between me and Takizawa to grow.

So, whilst I don’t think now is the right time to tell her, I’d been preparing myself so that I could tell her whenever the moment was right.

　Takizawa answers Mai’s question by saying she doesn’t have a crush on anyone. It’s the answer I expected.

　I knew it, but my heart still aches. I suppose I’m not even on her radar. What can I do to catch her eye, even just a little?

　Such worries just keep piling up endlessly.

　Before dinner, Takizawa went to the toilet, leaving Mai and me alone together.

‘There are all sorts of things I’d like to ask you, Mai…’

　Between the matter of Miumi-chan and those slightly teasing questions about Takizawa and me, there were plenty of things I wanted to ask.

‘Shouldn’t you answer first when you ask someone a question? Just like I did a moment ago.’

　Mai was smiling as usual.

　She was the one I understood the least, and I found her a little scary.

　However, Mai was right. And I’d been meaning to talk to her about this for ages, if the right moment ever came. Thinking this was my only chance, I took a deep breath and told her how I felt.

‘—I like Takizawa. Not just as a friend; I want to be her girlfriend. I want to do things that go beyond friendship, so I’m definitely sure these are romantic feelings.’
‘Mm-hmm. I’ll support you.’

　Mai didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath; she squeezed my hand tightly.

‘Hina, thanks for telling me.’
‘No, thank you for listening.’

Her reaction made me feel a little lighter. I’d spoken to Mayu and Hikari about it, but this was the first time I’d told a friend.
I was glad I’d been able to tell a friend I was so close to.

‘It might sound strange to say this, but you can ask me anything you like, but please don’t ask Takizawa any particularly mean questions, okay?’
“You’re right, that bit about the kiss earlier might have been a bit mean.”

Mai looked at me with a shy smile, looking delighted.

“Well, if you’re going to do things like that, let’s try to do them somewhere out of the way. But I’m really happy to hear from you, Hina, that you’ve found someone you like, especially since we’ve been in the same club since our first year and have worked so hard together!”

　She wiggles the hand I’m holding. I feel so lucky to have a friend who’s this happy just because I’ve confessed who I like.

“I don’t know if it’ll be any help, but I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“Thanks. By the way, where did you actually see us doing that sort of thing…?”

　I don’t think Takizawa and I ever do that sort of thing anywhere other than at my house. If anyone saw us, it would have been at the fireworks display or that incident in front of my house the other day.

“I heard it from Yamamoto. She asked me, ‘Are those two dating?’ and when I said I didn’t know, she said she’d seen you two sharing a super-steamy kiss on the way home from the study group, so that’s why she thought so.”

For some reason, Mai’s smirk just wouldn’t stop.

“Ugh… that was it, then… I’ll be more careful.”
“Hoshizora’s so clueless, Hina’s going to have her work cut out for her.”

　Mai covered her mouth and giggled. I didn’t like that, so I gave her cheek a pinch.

“Ouch!”
“You asked for it. But thanks for telling me, Mai.”
“We’re friends, after all.”

Just as Mai and I were chatting happily, Takizawa came back.

“Let’s go and get some food soon. I thought you’d already gone to the venue, so I popped over there once.”
“Sorry, sorry! I thought Hoshizora was coming back, so I was waiting!”
Mai cheerfully put her arms around our shoulders and we left the room.

　For dinner, we were served a rather lavish Japanese meal.
Takizawa’s eyes were sparkling, which was unusual for her.
When I first met her, she seemed uninterested in any kind of food, so seeing her take an interest in her meal makes me happy.

　She’s like a cat that’s just discovered what’s tasty.

　I think Takizawa should eat more and put on a bit of weight, so I want her to tuck in. Watching her even makes me feel maternal.

As I watched Takizawa with a fond smile, she suddenly drew closer to my ear with a somewhat complicated expression, causing my body to stiffen slightly.

‘Endo-san, could you make this for me sometime?’

Hearing her whisper that, my body, already frozen in surprise, stiffened even further. Takizawa had never asked me to cook a specific dish for her before. It was the first time she’d ever asked me for something like that, and I wasn’t sure how to react.

What Takizawa wanted me to make was sweet and sour pork.
I’d never made it before, and I didn’t think the recipe was all that simple, but I thought I could do my best for Takizawa’s sake, and I reckoned my dinner would be sweet and sour pork for a while from now on.

I found myself looking at Takizawa as if I were a mother, wondering how she’d managed to start eating something with so many vegetables in it, even though she hates vegetables.

‘What?’
‘Oh, I just thought it was impressive that you’re actually eating meals with vegetables in them.’
‘Endo-san, you sound like a mum, and I don’t like it.’
‘It’s fine, isn’t it?’

　I found that sort of casual conversation with Takizawa fun and made me feel happy.

‘What are you two talking about?’

　Mai joined in our conversation, looking happy too.

‘We were just saying how tasty this sweet and sour pork is.’
‘It’s rare to see Hoshizora talking about food being delicious.’
‘Is that so?’
‘Yeah. Until quite recently, she didn’t seem interested in anything. I mean, do you even have any favourite foods?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Oh? What do you like?’
“Omelette rice, ginger pork, stuffed peppers, and recently, I’ve come to like fried chicken too.”

　…………
　　
　All the foods Takizawa said she liked were things I’d made before. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I can’t help it.

　It feels as though she’s saying the food I made was delicious, and I’m so happy that my face is getting hotter and hotter.

“It feels like you’ve got a real taste for classic home-cooked dishes. But I’m so happy to know what your favourite foods are, Hoshizora.”
“Is that something to be happy about?”
“Yeah. You never tell me anything about yourself, Hoshizora, so I’m really happy.”

Mai looked genuinely delighted. She must truly consider Takizawa a very dear friend. Watching the two of them like that, I found myself smiling too.

With our stomachs full, we decided to head back to our room.

‘Oh, come to think of it, I’d agreed to play cards with Ando and the others. Are you two coming too?’

It seemed Mai had gone and made plans with those three again without asking.
Ando, Izumi and Yamamoto are all lovely people. The sort of people I would have got on well with and had fun with not so long ago.

However, today I just wanted to go to bed quietly.
I’d been on edge about all sorts of things and seemed to have worn myself out.

Still, if Takizawa was going, I felt I wanted to go too. I didn’t like the idea of Takizawa getting on well with everyone behind my back.

‘I’m a bit tired, so I’m going to bed to get ready for tomorrow. I’ll see everyone again tomorrow anyway.’

　Takizawa said that and started getting ready for bed.

‘What about you, Hina?’
‘I’m going to bed too.’
‘Right! I’ll let everyone know! Right then, goodnight!’
　Mai rushed out.

　I felt a sense of relief that the first day of the school trip had finally come to an end.

　If I can just get through the next two days, perhaps I’ll be able to overcome this trauma a little. Though this is my last school trip anyway…
　That’s precisely why I wanted it to end safely. My mind was overflowing with that wish.

　As I was thinking about all sorts of things like that, I suddenly realized Takizawa was sitting on my bed.
　She placed her hand on my cheek, and my body went rigid.

‘Endo, aren’t you enjoying the school trip?’

　Takizawa looked at me with a worried expression.

‘Sorry… did I look that miserable?’

　I’d been trying my best not to let my feelings show. But perhaps they’d slipped out after all…

‘You do laugh and have fun sometimes, but every now and then you looked a bit sad — so I noticed.’

　I couldn’t hide my surprise at those words. Since when had Takizawa become so sensitive to people’s emotions? Without me even realising it, Takizawa was changing more and more.

‘Sorry.’
‘You’ve been saying “sorry” a lot today, Endo-san. Is there a reason you can’t tell me why you’re feeling down?’
‘……’

　I was at a loss for words and fell silent.

　Takizawa pulled the duvet over me and laid me down on my side. She slipped in beside me and suddenly hugged me tight.

Why does Takizawa always do things like this at times like this…?

“Endo-san, if you don’t mind, please tell me.”

Her voice was a little fragile, and that same fragility seemed to carry over into her hand as she stroked my head.

　This isn’t like Takizawa at all.

My heart began to ache with warmth at this sudden tenderness.

“My parents passed away on the day I was due back from a school trip when I was in elementary school… Ever since that happened, I’ve been scared that something bad might happen on school trips, and I worry that someone close to me might disappear. I don’t want to lose the precious people I’ve finally managed to meet…”

I clutched Takizawa’s clothes tightly, and her warm hand came to rest gently over mine.

‘Endo-san, once the school trip’s over, I’ll help you with your studies, so can I stay over at your place?’

‘What does she mean by that?’ I thought, but when I looked at Takizawa, she had such a serious expression on her face that I found myself unable to say a word.

‘Let’s have dinner together—’

　Saying that, Takizawa pulled me close to her chest.
At those words, I felt the corners of my eyes slowly growing hot.

“So…”

Takizawa’s words trailed off, so I looked up at her again, only to find she looked even more distressed than I did.

　Why……?

　As I was thinking that, the tears welling up in my eyes were gently brushed away by Takizawa’s slender, long fingers.

“Nothing bad will happen, and I’ll keep my promise to have dinner with you after the school trip. If you’re happy with me, I’ll stay by your side.”

　Takizawa began stroking my head gently again. It felt so comforting that my breathing grew shallow.

　I don’t know how much time passed after that.

　I could feel Takizawa’s scent and warmth. That warmth wrapped around me, softly and gently.

　With every breath I took, my eyelids grew heavier.

　Before I knew it, I had woken up to the morning in Takizawa’s arms.