Episode 6: Conflict
When I got home, the only sound in the quiet room was my own footsteps.
I dropped my bag on the bed without thinking and took out my phone.
Honoka’s messages hadn’t increased. Just that one.
【Yuna, are you not coming to get me today?】
Such a small thing to say. And yet it squeezed my chest so hard.
Any other day I’d have replied straight away — I’m coming — and gone to her without a second thought.
Today I hadn’t done that.
“Try giving yourself a little more room.”
Shiori’s words kept turning over in my head.
If keeping my distance meant Honoka wouldn’t have to suffer —
But was that really the right thing?
I love Honoka.
I need her, from somewhere deep inside me, in a way I can’t do anything about.
“…Is it because I love her that I keep my distance?”
I don’t want to be apart from her.
If I could, I’d stay right beside her always.
I want her field of vision to hold nothing but me.
But if that was becoming a burden to her —
I sank into the bed, phone still gripped in both hands, and let out a long, slow breath.
My fingers moved on their own, opening her contact page.
“…No.”
If I messaged her now, it would be the same as always.
I have to hold on.
If I really love her, I have to think properly about what’s good for Honoka.
I shut my eyes tight.
But even with them closed, her face rose up behind them.
That troubled smile. The faintly lonely line of her profile.
Yesterday after school — that split-second of hesitation when I pulled her hand too hard.
— Was I hurting her?
I didn’t want to think about it. But the question stuck in my head and wouldn’t let go.
I fell back onto the bed, still holding the phone.
“…I’m being ridiculous.”
I was the one who decided to keep my distance. And now I can’t stand it.
One small step apart and I already feel this unmoored.
This desperate to see her.
I looked at the screen again.
Her name, glowing there.
If I wanted to, I could send it right now — I want to see you after all — just like that.
I couldn’t send it.
“…Shiori.”
Her words rang through my head again.
“I see you, Nanase-san. I really do.”
Those eyes.
Something composed in them. Something searching. Like she was looking into a part of me I hadn’t shown anyone.
What is Shiori thinking?
Was that kindness — just kindness? Or something else entirely?
But there’s no point turning that over.
Right now, I have to think about Honoka.
I switched off the screen and pressed my face into the pillow.
What kind of face will Honoka make tomorrow?
What did she think, when I didn’t come to get her?
Did she miss me, even a little?
Or… did she feel relieved?
My chest went tight.
“…I knew it. I can’t do without Honoka.”
No matter how kind Shiori’s words are.
No matter how much she tells me to give myself room.
In the end, the only thing inside me is how I feel about Honoka.
So I’ll keep my distance — for Honoka’s sake.
Whether that’s right or not, I don’t know.