Jealousy - The Asami-san I Don’t Know
“Asami-san, have you always been a top?”
Lunch break, company cafeteria. I ask it, lowering my voice.
Beside me, Asami-san spits out the tea she was drinking. Like something out of an old comedy sketch.
“…Wh— what!? Where’d that come from all of a sudden?”
“Just curious.”
“Wait, how do you even know that word!?”
“I looked it up. Just in case.”
“No, but, this isn’t the place for that conversation.”
“It’s fine, isn’t it. No one’s around.”
“That’s not the issue here.”
Asami-san gives a wry laugh, wiping down the table.
“…It wasn’t like that at first. Okay, subject closed.”
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I press without missing a beat, voice low.
“At first, meaning what? A guy? A girl?”
“Ehh? Can we drop this already? A girl.”
“When was this girlfriend?”
“In high school…”
“What kind of person?”
“Ehh? You’re really asking that? …Two years above me in the club, the manager.”
“Hmm. So she’s the one who taught you.”
“Yeah… though it was after she’d already graduated high school.”
Club activities, an older manager, first time after her senior graduated.
The realness of it conjures up an image in my head, unbidden.
A sharp sting in my chest.
“Ugh, no. I didn’t want to hear that much detail.”
“Huh? What’s that. You’re the one who pried it open.”
—Someone who knows Asami-san’s “first.”
She got to feel good with her first time, the same way she does with me.
That person taught her everything.
She’s an adult, of course Asami-san’s had past girlfriends. I’ve had partners too.
All of it, in the past.
There’s no point being jealous of the past.
…Even knowing that in my head.
—Imagining it anyway, my chest ached, dully.
A few days later, lunch break.
Asami-san and I sit side by side at the cafeteria, back to trading pointless conversation.
“Sweet tamagoyaki is objectively better.”
“No way, salty goes better with rice.”
“It’s a bento, so sweet works as a palate cleanser.”
“No, no, it’s a side dish, it needs salt.”
Same as ever, we don’t agree on anything except music.
Confirming these little differences in taste is, somehow, fun. Getting to know Asami-san more than anyone else does makes me happy.
—Just then.
“Nagi?”
A gentle voice from behind.
Asami-san and I both turn toward it.
A tall woman with a brown bob stands there, striking. Looking at Asami-san, she blinks, mouth falling open in surprise.
Then she speaks.
“Eh, Rika-san? What are you doing here?”
“I actually changed jobs last month, I’m in accounting now. Saw your name in the company newsletter by chance. Then spotted you in person today for the first time, so I called out.”
Eyes narrowed, smiling warmly, she seems like the type who gets along with everyone.
Probably well-liked across her whole department.
That’s the impression she gives off.
“Mind if I sit here?”
“Eh, ah, ah. Sure, go ahead.”
“Who’s this cute one next to you?”
“Ah, um…”
Asami-san glances my way briefly.
I drop my eyes and turn my face away.
“My junior. Same sales department. Hanamori-san.”
“Huh. Hard to picture you bringing a junior around, Nagi. To me you’re still the junior.”
“Rika-san” laughs softly, then her eyes land on Asami-san’s bento.
“Ah, tamagoyaki, that’s nostalgic! I remember eating your mom’s tamagoyaki back in high school. It was so good, I still remember it. I’m Team Salty too.”
“Ah, yeah. That’s right.”
Somehow, Asami-san’s responses feel stiff. Her eyes seem to be wandering, just slightly.
“It’s been a while.”
“…Yeah, it has.”
“Ah, right, we actually just had a manager reunion recently. So then—”
Rika-san keeps going, the conversation lighting up around old club stories. Basketball team talk. Rika-san as manager, Asami-san out on the court.
—This must be her.
The “Asami-san’s first” she mentioned before.
The instant I’m certain of it, my chest throbs, aching.
Somehow I don’t want to keep listening to the conversation, so I quickly finish my food and stand up.
“Well, I’ll head back to the floor first.”
“Ah, wai—, Hanamori-san, hold on. I’ll come too—”
Asami-san says.
“Take your time.”
My voice comes out low enough that even I can tell. A full two octaves lower than usual.
I give a small nod and leave.
Night. Asami-san’s apartment.
After dinner, sipping café au lait, I ask, deliberately casual.
“That’s her, isn’t it. Your ex.”
“Eh? Ah. …Yeah. Can’t believe she’s at the same company. I was shocked.”
Knew it.
She’s Asami-san’s first.
No good. Once I notice, I can’t stop imagining it.
I shouldn’t have asked about the ex before. I’m such an idiot.
My mouth sets into a pout on its own.
“…You look kind of sulky.”
“I’m not sulking.”
“Mad?”
“Not mad.”
Still pouting as I answer, Asami-san laughs softly and cups both my cheeks in her hands, squeezing gently.
“Cute.”
“…!”
My cheeks heat up.
Asami-san pulls me into a tight hug.
“I really don’t feel anything toward her. Besides, Rika-san’s already married, with two kids.”
“I see.”
A little relieved. But still.
“I know it’s all in the past, but…… it bothers me that she’s the only one who knows an Asami-san I don’t.”
I murmur it quietly, and Asami-san laughs softly.
“I’m plenty jealous of your ex who knew the old you too, you know. But everything from here on, only we know. Isn’t that enough?”
“…That’s unfair, saying something like that.”
“Unfair?”
“Saying that makes me the only one who sounds like a jealous little kid.”
Asami-san smiles gently and pats my head.
“No, I’m happy. Your jealous face is really cute.”
“…”
“That pouty face, you look like a pufferfish.”
“…What is that. Annoying.”
I glare at her, half-joking, and we end up laughing together, then slowly bring our lips together.
Tongues tangling, deepening gradually, hungrier and hungrier.
The sound of our lips meeting echoes through the room, Asami-san’s breathing growing ragged.
I can feel the hand gripping my back tighten.
After the long kiss, our lips finally part, and Asami-san speaks, breathless. Staring straight at me.
Her expression is aching, on edge.
“I really…… can’t see anyone but Chisa anymore. Even running into Rika-san today, I surprised myself with how little I felt.”
She says that and kisses me again, tongues tangling.
Then, pulling back gently, Asami-san lets a quiet word fall.
“…I think I like you way more than you realize, Chisa.”
Those words make me so happy, so full of affection. I gently bite Asami-san’s lip in return.
I can feel her body shudder.
Feeling Asami-san losing her composure, I slowly tangle our tongues again.
Asami-san lets out a small sound, gripping my back tightly.
Honestly, I find myself wanting all of Asami-san’s past too.
I never felt this way with any of my past boyfriends.
*
—I’m probably falling for Asami-san even more than she realizes, too.