Episode 16: How Many People Did You Kiss While I Was Away?

My next return would likely be at year’s end. Having concluded my lengthy three-week homecoming, I now sat aboard the flight bound for Haneda.

Arrival in Japan would be tomorrow evening. Though I still hadn’t grown accustomed to long flights, my mood was brighter than it had been five months prior.

　Gazing down at the city lights floating in the dark night, I recalled the words my mother had whispered softly to me at the airport.

——You’re in such a hurry to get back, you’ve got a new boyfriend, haven’t you?

I hastily shook my head from side to side, denying it, but Mum just smiled cheerfully and said, “I won’t tell your father,” refusing to take me seriously.

It really wasn’t that, but did I really look that giddy?

　Even though it’s about me, I don’t quite understand myself.

Yui-san is a woman. Why do I miss her so much? Why do I want to see her so badly?

Because she’s kind? Because she’s beautiful? Because she spoils me?

It feels like all of those reasons apply, and yet none of them quite fit. Just as she treated me as special, Yui-san had certainly become a ‘special’ person to me too.

　But is the ‘special’ I feel the same as the ‘special’ she feels?

No matter how much I pondered, I couldn’t find an answer alone. I simply closed my eyes, leaving myself to the aeroplane gliding above the clouds.

It would have been nice to talk to someone, but I felt that putting it into words might actually change something.

By the time we landed on the runway bathed in sunset light, I was utterly exhausted. Over twelve hours sitting still was, frankly, too long.
When the restrictions on communication devices were lifted and I switched off airplane mode, a message arrived.

The simple message, ‘Waiting in front of the clock tower,’ made the corners of my mouth turn up naturally.

I collected my suitcase and hurried towards Yui-san.

The meeting place was the same as five months ago. But my feelings, everything, felt different.

　The clock tower came into view, and I spotted Yui-san waving. My eager heart pushed me forward, and I naturally broke into a light jog.

“Welcome back, Kanata.”

I let go of my suitcase and threw my arms around Yui-san, who had opened hers wide, practically running into her embrace.

As I nuzzled her neck, the soft, sweet scent of Yui-san filled me, making my chest tighten.

Ah, such a lovely smell.

　It’s Terminal 3 for international flights. No one’s going to bat an eyelid at a hug.

Without hesitation, she hugged me back so tightly it hurt, filling every empty space. I felt my hollow heart rapidly filling up.

“I missed you.”

Her delighted voice whispered in my ear.

I probably missed her far, far more. But I’d never admit it, not for the life of me.

When her arms gently loosened, I pulled away and looked up at Yui-san. Her kind eyes were fixed on me.

“You must be hungry. Shall we grab something to eat before heading home?”

I nodded. Yui-san grabbed the handle of the suitcase I’d tossed aside, then with her free hand, she intertwined her fingers with mine. I squeezed back just as tightly.

　On the way there, I’d wished we’d gone via Narita, but on the way back, I was glad we’d chosen Haneda. That was the kind of night it was.

Back at Yui-san’s place for the first time in three weeks, I hadn’t even made it to the living room before she pulled me into her arms.

My back pressed against the hallway wall, stinging a little.

　Perhaps I wasn’t the only one feeling lonely. I gently wrapped my arms around her and stroked her back.

“Hehe… Miss Yui seems to be the clingier one today.”

Usually, it’s me who slips into her arms and seeks a hug. Miss Yui’s arms around me weren’t always this tight; they used to be gentler, with a more enveloping warmth.

“…I’ve missed you terribly.”

Hearing those words whispered into my ear sent a shiver down my spine. I was pinned against the wall, held in a tight embrace as if trapped, her arms gripping me firmly, refusing to let go.

“Yui-sa…!”

My voice trembled involuntarily as I tried to call her name, realising her lips were pressed against the edge of my ear.

　Before my mind could process it, my body reacted. My attempt to push her shoulders back was easily caught, and I was pressed back against the wall.
The moment she gently bit my earlobe, an indescribable tingling sensation ran through me.

I tried to say stop, but a whimpering, pleading voice threatened to escape instead. I bit my lower lip hard and closed my eyes.

“…Hey, Kanata.”

　My body, which had overreacted, twitched. Don’t whisper so close to my ear. Yui-san knows I’m weak to that, and she’s doing it on purpose. She’s being mean.

“Face this way.”

That sweet, soft voice resonated from my eardrum, dulling my thoughts. If I turned towards her at this close range, our eyes would meet.
If that happened, I felt I’d end up accepting everything without resistance. I was terrified she might easily name all the things troubling me.

I took a deep breath to steady my voice.

“Yui, what are you trying to do?”

Her left hand gently stroked my cheek. Though it freed my restrained arm, her lips pressed softly against my neck, and an unfamiliar heat took hold of my body.

　It felt like a flame had been lit deep within my stomach.

The closeness made me react, and the thought of her noticing filled me with such shame that I bit my lip and weakly pushed her shoulders away. This time, a little distance opened up between us, and I found myself locked in direct eye contact with Yui-san’s dark eyes.

“…I want to kiss you. Is that alright?”

Hearing it stated so directly hit me like a punch to the gut. Questions swirled around in my head.

　You’re not my type, are you?

So, you couldn’t possibly want to hold me, could you?

I didn’t know. What did a kiss mean to Yui? How much of an ‘expression of affection’ was it?

At the very least, I only did such things with a lover, and had never done them otherwise.

But Yui was different. There was a clear difference in our awareness. I thought if I let myself be swept along by the momentum and accepted it too readily, I’d be in for hell.

　If I touched this person with half-hearted feelings, it wouldn’t end with just a burn.

“Even if you say that…”

“Come on, it’s fine. We’ve done it once already, and you don’t mind, do you?”

She leaned in before I could answer, so I hurriedly pressed my palm against her lips to stop her.
　A glare of sullen dissatisfaction pierced me, but unlike Yui-san, I wasn’t experienced enough to kiss on impulse, carried away by the moment’s momentum.

“…Kanata.”

“‘If she thinks she can push me, it’s over’… right?”

I recalled the words Yui-san had warned me with sometime ago. This person already knew I was weak to pressure. That’s why they were pushing so hard, absolutely.

　Yui-san furrowed her perfectly shaped brows, looking annoyed. Even with that displeased expression, she was still beautiful, I thought – a thought entirely out of place in this moment.

“…You said you didn’t dislike being kissed, but that was a lie…”

“It wasn’t a lie. That part was true.”

I knew she’d ask why, so before she could, I wrapped my arms around Yui-san’s neck, leaning into her slightly taller frame like I was seeking comfort.
　Yui-san might know I’m weak to pressure, but I know her weakness too.

This person is weak to being treated affectionately.

“…You do this with everyone, don’t you, Yui-san? That’s what pisses me off.”

“No, it’s not like I do it with everyone…”

“So, how many people did you kiss while I was away? Tell me.”

When I asked, Yui’s eyes darted around for a moment. Ah, just as I thought. To keep this person’s bad habits in check, you might actually need handcuffs.

“See, I knew it. Doesn’t it matter who it was, you lecher?”

Hit where I didn’t want to be hit, I slipped away from Yui’s trembling arms. Honestly, my heart was pounding like crazy, and I thought if she’d pressed a bit harder, it might have been dangerous.

Glancing sideways at Yui, who was leaning against the wall, shoulders slumped, sighing, I headed towards the living room.

At this point, whether it’s a woman or a man, whether I like her or not, that’s beside the point.

It’s not enough for me that she thinks of me as her ‘number one’.

　I don’t want second or third best.

Unless someone thinks only of me, I won’t just hand myself over so easily.

For now… that’s how I feel.

I think Yui-san knows this too, but I’m quite selfish.

If you want to touch someone like me, then you too…

Should show some proper sincerity.