Episode Sixty: Be Careless Like That Again, and Next Time I’ll Really Eat You Up
Standing right in front of me, you’re gazing at me like something precious. I love that look in your eyes so much. It always sets something warm burning deep in my chest.
But looking back at her, I understood immediately — this is a dream.
Because the you smiling at me is just slightly younger than now, exactly as you looked back when I first fell in love, as a student.
Over the four years before we met again, I had this same dream, over and over. My longing to see her must have been conjuring it up, and I remember, every time I woke, feeling struck down all over again.
“…Yui-san.”
I said her name like I was savoring it.
“What is it?”
That gentle voice answered back. Those eyes, watching me, unchanged now or then. Just being looked at like that is enough to make me forget to breathe.
“Hold me tight.”
Murmured like that, she smiled, happy, and pulled my body into an embrace.
That’s how it always was, back in college. Whenever I asked to be held, Yui-san always held me, exactly like this.
Nestling into her body, that beloved scent of Yui-san’s reached me.
Ah, I love this. I really do love you. I love you so much I can’t stand it. However far apart we were, this feeling never once changed.
“…I love you so much, Kanata.”
As if reading straight through my feelings, the you holding me whispered it, sweet.
This is a convenient dream. Because I want to hear those words, it just reproduces them for me. Knowing that, I’m still happy, and I can’t help hugging that body back, tight.
“…Yui-san, kiss me.”
Because this is a dream. I can say anything I want, freely. The Yui-san from back then would surely answer. Whether the Yui-san of now would — I don’t know.
Just as I’d wished, the dream Yui-san smiled, happy, and brought her lips gently close to mine.
Please don’t wake up, I wished, closing my eyes too.
I want to stay in this dream forever. If possible, forever. I wished that, and yet—
*
“…Kanata, wake up. Kanata.”
“Mm, mnh…”
Still wrapped in a soft, hazy drowsiness, my shoulder shaken, I slowly lifted my eyelids. I’d been having such a good dream. Blinking hard, trying to reboot my foggy head, I met an unfamiliar ceiling, and those black eyes peering down at me.
“Mm, huh…? Yui-san…?”
Maybe I’m still dreaming the continuation. But it seems different from before. In front of me is a Yui-san slightly more grown-up than the dream one.
Saying her name, she laughed softly and gently stroked my cheek.
“…Hurry up and wake up. You promised we’d go on a date, remember?”
Hearing that, consciousness surged back all at once. And right behind it, last night’s memories came flashing back.
“…Waah!”
Startled, I bolted upright. Without thinking, I clapped a hand to my chest, checking whether I was still dressed, and Yui-san, watching me do it, burst out laughing.
“Kanata, you’re way too startled. You don’t have to be that scared, I didn’t do anything. Don’t you remember last night?”
I could feel my face heating up enough that it might actually make a sound.
There’s no way I don’t remember. Getting thoroughly drunk, being nursed by Yui-san, asking her to hold me — all of it. I remember, word for word, exactly what I said to her.
But — admitting that was far too embarrassing, and I found myself shaking my head, side to side, without meaning to.
“…I don’t remember.”
I forced it out, and mischievous eyes peered into my face.
“…Hmm?”
Embarrassed, I looked away, and Yui-san watched me and laughed again.
“…Well, it’s fine if you don’t remember. More importantly, go take a bath. I’ve already run the water.”
Yui-san looked unusually fresh and put-together, so she must have gotten up before me and already finished bathing herself.
Despite drinking that much last night, miraculously, I seemed to have avoided a hangover, and I was genuinely relieved my condition felt completely normal.
Because I’d been looking forward to today’s date with Yui-san too.
Taking the loungewear she held out, I let myself be led by the hand toward the bathroom.
*
Sinking into the tub, I felt warmth slowly spreading from the very core of my body. The unfamiliar bathroom wasn’t quite as large as the one at that old house, but it had a decent size to it, and it was beautiful.
Submerged up to my shoulders, I let out a sigh. Every time I remembered last night’s blunder, I wanted to disappear from sheer embarrassment.
It helped that Yui-san hadn’t pressed any further after I claimed not to remember.
I hope she hasn’t figured out that I still love her…
*
After drying off with a towel and squeezing the water from my hair, I put on the brand-new underwear that had been handed to me before I came to the bathroom. Apparently she’d gone out to a convenience store to buy it while I was asleep. As considerate as ever, that Yui-san.
Slipping my arms through the white hoodie she called loungewear, it was, just as I expected, a little too big. Makes sense, with a ten-centimeter height difference between us. This was the first time I’d ever worn her clothes, and it left me thinking, vaguely, that this felt like we were actually dating.
Wanting to dry my hair while my body was still warm, I scanned the changing room — but it wasn’t there. The hair dryer that should have been there, wasn’t.
Maybe… this feels like something I’ve seen before, I thought, with a faint smile, and headed to the living room, towel still draped over my shoulders.
*
Opening the door and peeking my head in, my guess turned out right. Yui-san, hair dryer in hand, was waiting for me on the sofa.
“C’mere, I’ll dry your hair.”
Smiling brightly, beckoning me over, I found myself smiling too, drawn along, and walked toward the sofa.
It really had been a while since she’d dried my hair like this.
That same practiced touch, unchanged from back then, felt nostalgic. Being like this made it feel like I’d stepped back in time, and something in my chest went ticklish, warm.
If Yui-san still feels the same way now — once next spring comes, will something between us change?
If fulfilling that promise to her father — delivering results within three years — becomes the foothold for breaking off the engagement… I wish there were something I could do too, to help make that happen.
I want to put a name to this relationship. A love that couldn’t come true four years ago. This time, I want to be your girlfriend. Am I even allowed to wish for that?
Lost in restless thought, before I knew it, my hair had dried completely. She switched off the dryer, smoothed my hair gently into place, and those pleasant fingers pulled away.
“There, all done.”
Same body wash, same shampoo too. Being wrapped, head to toe, in the same scent as Yui-san made me happy, and a smile came naturally.
“Thank you.”
“Mm.”
I don’t know how Yui-san’s been living, during the time I wasn’t here. But I couldn’t help wishing — that this kind of special treatment, back then and now, has only ever been for me.
Wanting to see her face, I turned to look back, and right at that moment, I was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace from behind, and my heart jolted, startled.
“Um, Yui-san…?”
Back in college — being held like this had felt completely natural. Now, even the slightest touch makes me tense.
Laughing at me, frozen and unable to move, Yui-san brought her lips close to my ear and whispered.
“Drunk Kanata last night was really cute too… but be careful with alcohol, okay? Be careless like that again, and next time I’ll really eat you up.”
So “I don’t remember” really was an obvious lie, and Yui-san had clearly seen right through it.
Face flushing red, I ducked my head, and Yui-san laughed and gently loosened the arms holding me.
“Alright, let’s eat breakfast.”
Talking like this, Yui-san hasn’t changed at all from back then. Wondering if my heart could actually survive today’s date, all I could do was nod.
While I’d been bathing, Yui-san had apparently made salad and soup. Freshly toasted bread, soaked through with butter, was set out on the dining table, and even after eating that much last night, my stomach growled again, loud.
Pressing my hands together for “itadakimasu,” I got “dig in” back.
If I’d told myself, even just a few months ago, that a morning like this — eating breakfast together, just like it used to be so natural — would ever come again, I don’t think I would have believed it.
Right now, Yui-san really is here in front of me, those gentle eyes looking at me. She watched me bite into my toast with a crisp sound, then, a beat behind, brought her own toast to her mouth too.
“…Your loungewear was a little big on me, Yui-san.”
Her clothes smell so wonderful, so being lent them made me happy — but still, the sleeves hang a little loose.
“True, huh. That’s cute in its own way, but… should we go buy you your own loungewear today too, while we’re at it? So you’re ready anytime you want to stay over.”
Anytime you want to stay over — what does she mean by that, exactly?
Her black eyes narrowed, mischievous, saying it like that, and, not knowing how to answer, I busied myself instead, stabbing my fork into a cherry tomato in my salad, to cover the moment.