Episode 31: But I’ve Done So Many Dirtier Kisses Than That
Even after the shower, the alcohol still lingered in every corner of my body.
I sank onto the sofa, leaning back, limp.
Yuno, having finished the washing up, sat down right beside me.
The cushion gave slowly under her weight, her thigh brushing softly against mine.
Without meaning to, I shifted, putting a few centimetres of distance between us.
At this distance, Saeko’s voice from earlier looped, over and over, at the back of my ears, worse than ever.
Ah. So they really had lived together.
There’d really been kissing, and more than that, a physical relationship.
Yuno and Saeko — surely they’d be drawn back to each other again, eventually.
The reality of it was being forced on me, painfully sharp.
A dull, aching throb, deep in my chest, again and again.
That’s when —
A soft warmth settled over the hand resting on my knee.
Yuno’s hand slipping smoothly over mine.
And then, slowly, her slender fingers wound between my own.
Startled, I looked over, and Yuno had narrowed her eyes, the corner of her mouth lifted just slightly. A natural, gentle smile.
My heart began racing, faster and faster, against my will.
“…It’s nice and warm, this is calming. Big sis’s hand.”
A sweet, settled, soft voice.
The warmth of her hand against mine felt good, and before I knew it I’d squeezed back.
I didn’t want to let go. That, itself, was painful.
This time I felt a soft weight settle against my shoulder.
Yuno had rested her head there. Her smooth hair brushing against my neck.
My heart sped up, a notch at a time. Thud, thud.
From the direction of my right shoulder, I could feel a steady gaze.
I absolutely could not turn to face it. Only my cheeks kept growing hotter.
“Hey.”
“What.”
“Look this way?”
A coaxing, slightly hoarse voice.
Don’t talk to me like that.
It felt like someone was wringing my heart in their fist.
“…Can’t.”
“Why not?”
Why not, she asks.
That’s what I want to ask.
Why are you so cute.
Why can you make a face like that for someone you don’t even “like.”
Did you wear that same face in front of Saeko, too.
This train of thought, refusing to stop — it had to be the alcohol. Had to be.
Head down, scraping together what reason I had left, I said:
“I want to sleep already.”
“Just five more minutes. Can’t we stay like this?”
That coaxing voice again.
I couldn’t refuse. With a small sigh, I found myself squeezing the hand I’d been about to release, all over again.
Yuno pressed closer still. This time the weight on my shoulder shifted — she seemed to have rested her chin there instead.
Close enough that her breath reached the side of my neck.
The steady warmth of it made something deep inside me ache, slowly. No good. I knew it, and still.
After a while, Yuno murmured, quietly.
“Big sis, you have a really tiny mole, right under your eye.”
“…What’s that about.”
“Heh, new discovery.”
Which meant she’d been looking, this close, this carefully.
The thought sent my pulse racing again — thud, thud, thud. My own heartbeat reached all the way to my ears. Surely it was reaching Yuno too.
— And then, unbidden, Saeko’s words crossed my mind again.
“When I asked her to do more, she got bolder and bolder, gradually. Like she was returning everything she’d learned, giving it right back to me.”
Stop.
Don’t make me hear that. Not anymore.
I felt like I might lose my mind.
That’s when — a sudden warmth, against my cheek.
Warm, and soft.
The sensation of plump lips, clinging there for a moment.
“Wha—”
On reflex, I turned to face her.
Our eyes met, at close range. Large brown eyes, looking straight at me.
I felt myself being pulled into those eyes and pulled back before I could stop myself.
“Stop it.”
“Why? I only kissed your cheek.”
“…No. Stop doing things like that.”
“Ahah, your ears are going so red, big sis.”
“Quiet. Don’t tease me.”
“Cute. Why are you blushing?”
I turned my face away.
And then, right beside my ear — she whispered.
“But I’ve done so many dirtier kisses than that.”
A different tone from the coaxing voice of a moment ago. Bewitching, the kind that toys with you.
Low, sultry — the voice poured from my ear through my whole body. A shiver ran down my spine, like being struck by lightning.
And then, layering over it, Saeko’s voice in my head.
“Her kissing was incredible, you know. For someone so young.”
Stop.
Don’t kiss anyone but me.
“That girl — she’s normally so cute, but she gets this surprisingly sultry look on her face. At times like that.”
I don’t want that face turned toward anyone but me.
Don’t let her take you.
Don’t go back to Saeko.
Be only mine. Yuno.
Like.
I like her.
I love Yuno.
There’s no more denying it now.
Stuck in my head, around the clock, impossible to shake loose — I’ve fallen deeply in love, helplessly, to the point of madness.
I want her to belong only to me.
I don’t want anyone else to touch her.
The moment I admitted “I love her,” it broke like a dam, and something filthy and black came swirling up, churning through my whole body, endlessly.
And then — it whispered, softly, at my ear.
— Fine. Whatever happens now, happens.
Quietly, I shifted my body and pulled Yuno’s head away from my shoulder.
Slowly, I turned to face her.
At close range, our eyes met again.
Yuno’s brown eyes, bewitching, looked straight back at me.