Episode 15: Is There Any Need to Hold a Girl Less Lovely Than Me?

It took several days after returning home before my jet lag subsided and I could wake with the morning sun.

Though it should have been my familiar bedroom, the morning felt somehow unsettled.

The first thing I did upon waking was reach for my bedside smartphone. One message had arrived.

　My ‘goodnight’ became Yui-san’s ‘good morning’.

Even though our schedules were out of sync, we kept exchanging messages daily.

I replied with ‘Good morning’, but since Japan’s time was ahead of mine, it must already be evening over there.

To distract myself, I squeezed the orca plushie by my pillow tightly. Ah, I was so glad I’d brought this little one with me.

　After waking up, I lay around for a while without eating breakfast. Then, knock knock, came the sound of knocking on my bedroom door, and Dad popped his head in.
His hair, usually slicked back, looked different today. Apparently, he had the day off.
Since summer holidays started, my sense of the days of the week had completely gone haywire.

“Let’s have lunch together.”

I gave Dad, who looked cheerful and pleased, a small smile and got out of bed.

　Right, I’d completely forgotten amidst my jet lag, but there were things I wanted to ask Dad.

“I haven’t seen Yui-chan for a while, but she’s twenty-one now, isn’t she? She was so tiny the last time I saw her.”

Sipping his tea after the meal, Dad narrowed his eyes nostalgically.

“Dad, you’ve met Yui-san?”

I asked back, startled.

“The last time I saw her was at Fuyuto’s wife’s funeral, so it must be over ten years ago now.”

Fuyuto was Yui-san’s father. She’d mentioned growing up in a single-father household. I’d vaguely suspected it, but the realisation it was through bereavement made my heart ache.

“…Over ten years ago? When was that?”

“When Yukiyo-kun was in sixth grade and Yui-chan was in first grade…”

“Fourteen years ago…?”

“Has it really been that long?”

Yukiyo-kun… That must be the older brother who gave Yui-san his car, “Yuki-nii”. The scattered pieces began to connect, one by one.

“Yui-chan must have grown into quite a beauty.”

“…How can you tell without having seen her?”

“Well, Fuyuto’s wife was a truly beautiful woman.”

Indeed, she was the one who shaped Yui-san’s features; she must have been exceptionally beautiful.

“…What was Yui-san’s father like?”

“I have a photo. It’s from when he was young, but would you like to see it?”

Saying that, Father took a notebook from the shelf and handed me a single photograph tucked inside.

In the slightly dated photo, Father looked to be in his twenties.

Beside him, a man and woman stood shoulder to shoulder. This must be Yui-san’s father and mother.

“It was when he was at university.”

“She looks just like Yui-san…”

　My eyes were drawn to the woman in the picture. This must be Yui-san’s mother. The gentle look around her eyes when she smiled was like a living portrait.

“…It was an arranged marriage between their parents, but it was Fuyuto who was head over heels in love. He used every trick in the book to win over a reluctant her… I helped him out quite a bit too.”

Yui-san’s father also had a handsome, rugged face.

　If my father were a golden retriever, Yui-san’s father had the dignified bearing of a Doberman.

The thought that this man had made that dreadfully awful rice porridge for Yui-san when she was little and had a cold made me chuckle.

Everyone urged him to remarry, saying it was reckless to lose his partner in his thirties and raise two children alone as a single man… but in the end, he didn’t even seek a new relationship. He’s a single-minded, clumsy sort of man. I think that caused both Yukiyasu and Yui-chan a lot of hardship…

Yui-san’s father really seems to be a single-minded man. I can’t help but regret that trait didn’t pass on to Yui-san.

“Oh, right. Have you met Yukiyasu-kun yet?”

“No, I haven’t met him yet. Come to think of it, Yui-san, mentioned her brother doesn’t get on with their father. He started his own company and went independent, didn’t he?”

“I see. They still haven’t reconciled, then. Well, I suppose Yukiyasu-kun’s stubborn streak must be Fuyuto’s blood too…”

“Hey, Dad. Does that mean they’re expecting Yui-san to take over the company?”

　If her brother is estranged from Father and has gone independent, that inevitably leaves Yui-san as the only successor.

So that’s why she’s been meeting with company people every month, under the guise of dinners? Even before joining the firm.

It stuck with me because Yui-san, who’s usually kind and approachable to everyone, was unusually reluctant to meet them.

Does she dislike joining Father’s company? Or does she actually have something else she wants to do?

I haven’t the foggiest. I couldn’t even begin to guess. Yui-san always dodges the crucial points and won’t tell me.

“Well, I don’t really discuss such matters with Fuyuto, you see. Ah, yes, yes. This whole living together thing? That’s down to Fuyuto, actually. When I mentioned my daughter was going to the same university as Yui-chan, he said, ‘Well then, why not live together?’”

I’d assumed it was my father who’d suggested it, but it was thanks to Yui-san’s father after all.

　But then it struck me.

If he knew his daughter was gay, he wouldn’t have suggested she live with someone of the same sex like me.

Yui doesn’t hide her sexuality at all at university, so I’d wondered how things were with her family. But clearly, she hasn’t told her father.

“It’s lovely to see you and Yui getting on so well,”

My father smiled happily, so I could tell they really were close.

It felt strange somehow that that Doberman-like man and my gentle father could become best friends.

“Yes. I’m so glad it was Yui I ended up living with.”

I truly meant it. If it had been anyone else, I might have been crying about wanting to go back to England the whole time.

＊＊＊

After talking about Dad and Yui-san, I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to hear her voice.

Exchanging messages just wasn’t enough. Just a week ago, she was right beside me – I could see her face, talk to her, touch her.

Returning to my room, I sat down on the bed and gripped my phone.

　Will she answer? Hoping she would, I rang her number. It connected easily after just a few rings.

I could hear the sound of the wind. Distant, faint music was playing somewhere.

‘Kanata?’

The gentle voice calling my name, the one I’d longed to hear. It made my heart flutter.

‘Yui-san, are you out?’

‘Yeah, I came out for a drink. I thought it might be noisy, so I just stepped out.”

“Hmm…”

That bar, perhaps? A memory surfaced of picking Yui-san up there before.

‘What were you doing, Kanata?’

“I was at home. It’s only two o’clock here.”

‘Oh, I see. The time difference is something else. It’s ten o’clock at night here.’

Being Saturday night, I’d assumed Yui-san was at home watching a film.

Lately it’s always been like that. I’d look forward to slipping between Yui-san’s legs, being held tight while we watched films.

“…So, no film tonight, then?”

‘Hmm, yeah. I can’t concentrate without Kanata here.’

I tilted my head, wondering if it wasn’t usually the other way round.

‘…I just can’t settle unless I’m holding you.’

I thought I understood that. So that was it. I finally understood why coming back to this house had felt so strangely unsettling.

Holding the orca soft toy while on the phone.

　Until this morning, I’d thought bringing it along was fine, but I should have left it with Yui-san.

Even if I asked her to let it take my place, I honestly can’t say whether Yui-san would stay home, not going out at night, and wait for me while clutching the stuffed animal so devotedly.

Trying to tie down this girl, who seems to make a hobby of sleeping with girls? That’d be impossible without handcuffs, quite literally.

A murky feeling swirled and churned deep within my chest.

‘Ah! There you are! Yui-san, what are you doing? Come back quickly!’

Suddenly, a woman’s voice, sounding drunk, came over the phone, and I fell silent. Judging by the closeness of the approaching voice, I realised they must be quite close together, and a deep frown creased my brow.

‘…I’m on the phone with someone important. Talk to you later.’

Someone important.

　I was surprised Yui-san said that so decisively, but I was even more surprised that the girl, after a short pause, simply backed down, saying, “Alright, I’ll wait, but you absolutely must come back.”

So this is the kind of “not troublesome girl” Yui-san likes. If it had been me, I definitely wouldn’t have backed down. …Somehow, I feel like I’ve lost.

“…Sorry for interrupting. I’ll hang up now.”

‘Eh? Why? Don’t hang up. Let me hear more of Kanata’s voice.’

“…Are you staying at that girl’s place tonight? You idiot, Yui. Pervert. Womaniser.”

‘Eh? Why would you think that?’

“…Because that girl was definitely your type, wasn’t she?”

Even though I wanted to stop myself from sounding sulky, I just couldn’t calm down.

　I just wanted to blame her. Why can’t she be faithful in love? This person.

‘How can you think that without even seeing her?’

“She didn’t seem like the troublesome type. Unlike me.”

‘Ah, that’s true. She wasn’t troublesome, and she was cute, so maybe sleeping with her for one night wouldn’t be so bad.’

Yui laughed over the phone.

“…I’m hanging up now.”

‘Sorry, sorry, just kidding. …I just wanted you to be jealous.”

If that was the plan, it worked brilliantly. I’m genuinely furious right now, imagining Yui-san hugging that girl I can’t even see.

“I feel lonely without you. It’s weird, isn’t it? I’ve lived alone all this time. I don’t want to go home…”

“So you’re going to spend the night with her just because you’re lonely?”

‘Hmm, what should I do? …What would you like me to do, Kanata?’

‘Why are you asking me… you’re being mean.’

The answer’s obvious even without asking. You know it too. That’s one of Yui-san’s bad points.

I hear her chuckling softly over the phone. She really is quite drunk, it seems. I wonder how much she’s had. It’s kind of cute, actually, realising Yui-san can be quite lonely too.

“…Hey, Yui-san.”

‘What is it?’

“Was that girl earlier cuter than me?”

‘N-no, not at all. Kanata’s the cutest.’

“Really?”

‘What would I gain by lying?’

Yui-san’s voice, softer than usual from the alcohol, whispered in my ear.

This is the sort of person she is. The kind who’s kindest to the girl right in front of him, a liar.

I knew full well that if I phrased it like this, regardless of her true intentions, she’d inevitably say, “You’re the most important to me.”

“…Then no. Do you really need to hold someone less lovely than me? Please go straight home today.”

As I forced the words out in desperation, I could tell Yui-san laughed, ahaha, over the phone.

　I know the word ‘hold’ doesn’t just mean a hug. If she goes home, that’s what she’ll do.

The ‘like’ Yui-san shows women is that kind of ‘like’.

Just imagining those gentle lips, those well-groomed fingertips, gliding over someone else’s soft skin makes me feel so sick I want to tear my chest open.

“…Alright, I’ll head home now. I got to hear Kanata’s voice, so I’m satisfied.”

Yui-san’s voice sounded uncharacteristically cheerful, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I can’t be satisfied with just a phone call. …I want to see Yui-san soon.”

My true feelings spill from my lips without thinking. I thought she might laugh at me, saying it’s only been a week, but what I heard on the other end was the gentlest, sweetest voice.

“…I want to see you too.”

I resent those lips that whisper sweet, tender words of love to anyone.

“…You’re such a naughty girl, Kanata. Don’t go saying such suggestive things all the time.”

“Look who’s talking…”

I was just conveying my feelings perfectly seriously.

How on earth did such an unparalleled womaniser come from parents who seemed so prim and sincere?

“…Yui-san, you’re nothing short of a genetic mutation.”

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

“Nothing at all.”

Imagining her puzzled expression, I smiled and whispered, “Good night,” pouring every ounce of my feelings into those words.

Please, tomorrow and the day after, may you fall asleep thinking only of me.