Digression ③: The New Year’s Eve Bell Cannot Remove It

Having wrapped up my year-end work after the Christmas party with Uehara-san, I spent New Year’s Eve alone, not even returning to my family home.

I dislike the special programmes broadcast over the New Year period, so today I’ve spent the entire day engrossed in reading without turning on the television. While most Japanese people are bustling about on this day, I feel I’m making rather extravagant use of my time.

　Thirsty, I fetched some oolong tea from the fridge. Setting the half-empty glass on the dining table, I suddenly saw a phantom of that day.

Perhaps I really shouldn’t have invited her into my home. In these ordinary days, opportunities to recall her naturally increased. I found myself ruminating over the happy memories of that day again and again.

It was unbecoming behaviour for a teacher. I exhaled quietly, trying to forget her and refocus on my reading, when my phone notified me of a message.

‘Sensei, what are you doing now?’

The timing felt as if she’d read my mind, making my heart leap.

After the Christmas party, Uehara-san and I exchanged contact details. She regularly sent messages, whether she had business or not, but I made a point of only exchanging the bare minimum of necessary information.

　This was the kind of message I wouldn’t normally reply to. But perhaps because today was New Year’s Eve, I felt somehow inclined to do something different.

‘Reading a book at home.’

‘Is it interesting? What’s it about?’

‘Have you heard of The House in the Birdcage? It won this year’s Bookstore Award.’

　It was a rather aimless exchange. Uehara-san replied quickly, so I set my book aside and focused on operating my phone.

‘Would it be alright if I called you for a moment?’

I hesitated for just an instant at this sudden curveball, but decided a brief call wouldn’t hurt, especially as it could serve as a New Year’s greeting.

I knew using the app meant no call charges, but somehow it felt wrong as an adult to have a student initiate the call.

　It was almost unheard of for me to make a call. I handle everything online, even hospital appointments, so I pressed the call button feeling slightly nervous.

Uehara-san answered before the first ring.

‘Sensei Eh⁉ You called me? I’m so happy!’

Hearing her voice for the first time since Christmas, and realising she was happier than I’d expected, made me feel strangely tickled.

“Just a moment. Were you studying today, Uehara-san?”

‘Yeah. I worked hard all day. So it’s great to hear your voice. It really cheers me up.’

Hearing that couldn’t help but make me happy, though I felt I shouldn’t show it. I tried to speak without letting my feelings show in my voice, careful not to let the perceptive Uehara-san sense anything.

“Is that so? I’m not particularly fond of my own voice, you see.”

‘Why not? It’s a lovely voice! If you were a radio presenter, I could listen to you forever.’

“Ra-radio? Do you think I could talk non-stop?”

‘Just reading the textbook would be fine. The bit about the Gion Seisha temple…’

“The Tale of the Heike? What sort of radio programme would that be…”

　We really did keep talking about nothing but trivial things. I realised for the first time that on the phone, things you wouldn’t normally say, or even think to say, just slip out.

I wasn’t nervous anymore. Relaxed, I found myself naturally concentrating on my right ear, pressed against the smartphone.

Before I knew it, the clock had passed ten o’clock. We’d been talking for nearly two hours. It probably wouldn’t end unless one of us made the first move. And that move had to come from me.

“Uehara-san, I’ll hang up soon. Have a very happy New Year.”

Being inexperienced with phone calls, I’m sure it came across as a rather abrupt ending. But I trusted Uehara-san would understand my situation and wrap things up smoothly.

　—But then,

‘Hey, Sensei. I like you.’

I hadn’t imagined those words would come at this moment.

It was over the phone, of course, but it felt like being whispered directly into my ear, unlike anything before. Embarrassingly, I was flustered, my heart racing.

“…Yes. I know.”

‘Since it’s the last time this year, let me say it loads. I like you. I like you. I like you. I really like you. I really like you. I super like you. I like everything about you, Sensei.”

The words of love, delivered without pause for breath, the voice itself, sent a sweet, tingling electric shock through my ears and into my whole body. Even though it was travelling through the airwaves, this sensation felt unbearable to me.

“Th-that’s enough. I understand.”

“Eh? But I haven’t said enough yet.”

　Though I couldn’t see her face, I could sense Uehara-san’s dissatisfaction as I raised the white flag, but it was finally over.

Relieved, I let my guard down – and that was the opening she seized.

‘Next year, I’ll definitely work hard so you’ll be the one to say you like me.’

“…They say talking about next year makes the devil laugh.”

After a bit of small talk with Uehara-san, who was laughing at my utter defeat, I ended the call.

　The new year would begin in just one hour. Unable to muster the energy to return to my book, I opened a can of beer to quench my parched throat. I hadn’t intended to drink tonight, but alcohol proved an effective means of distracting my overheated body and muddled mind.

Flipping on the television absentmindedly, I caught the climactic moment of the New Year’s Eve singing contest. Perhaps because I wasn’t interested, my mind immediately drifted back to Uehara-san.

This past year brought nothing but events I could never have imagined last year.

It was filled with worries, being tossed about, and confusion… but to be honest, I can say the time spent with her was enjoyable. …It’s absolutely not because I’m feeling good about being the object of her romantic feelings. It’s because she’s so completely opposite to me that it’s often refreshing and stimulating.

　—Hey, Sensei. I like you.

As if to drown out that sweet voice still lingering in my ears, the television, just finished airing a music programme, now broadcast the temple bells ringing out the old year.

　Ah, thank goodness today is New Year’s Eve. Let’s ring away all desires and worries. Next year, I must pull myself together properly and conduct myself as a teacher should.

I’d only just told Uehara-san that talking about next year makes the devil laugh.

Yet here I am, setting goals for the coming year as I see out the old one.