Episode 23: For Us to Have Chosen the Same Fate Is Just Too Convenient.
Staring at Makina’s brows, dropped in that troubled little frown, I lost my voice for a while.
“Th-the villain… why would you be the villain…?”
“I remember too. That day. No matter how much I’ve tried to forget it.”
Makina’s eyes wavered slightly, as if tracing back through a distant memory.
“I said it too, that day. That I wanted to go to the amusement park.”
“Wh…?”
“I threw a fit at my dad. Said the aquarium would be boring, just staring at fish. Said I wanted to ride the merry-go-round with you at the amusement park instead.”
I couldn’t say anything.
“We didn’t understand it back then, did we. What was actually fun about an aquarium.”
I could only watch as Makina’s eyes narrowed, just slightly, at the memory.
“And then your papa happened to call, right around that time. My dad laughed and told him, ‘Funny thing, Makina was just saying the exact same thing.’”
I didn’t know that.
In my memory, it was just me, screaming, and then—
“That’s why the plans changed. See? We both said the exact same thing, the both of us.”
“…………”
“Hey, Yotsuka.”
Makina meets my eyes.
Then, gently, she cups both my cheeks in her hands, and with the pads of her thumbs, softly wipes away the tears that hadn’t stopped falling.
As if drawn in, the distance between us closes, and our foreheads meet with a faint, quiet touch.
At a distance too close to escape, Makina’s steady gaze holds me, refusing to let go.
“We both wanted to go to the same place. That’s all it was.”
After a moment of silence, there wasn’t a trace of hesitation in Makina’s voice.
“That was just an accident.”
“…But! If I hadn’t said anything…!”
“No, it’s no one’s fault. And besides, even if we’d gone to the aquarium, maybe something even worse would’ve happened. There’s no way for anyone to know that anymore.”
“Did you— were you actually able to accept that, Makina…?!”
“I went through a long time where it was hard for me too, at first. Losing my mom, feeling lonely, feeling sad.”
For a second, Makina’s voice trembled.
I could feel her fingertips, still resting against my cheeks, tense just slightly.
“But little by little, I was able to make my peace with it.”
She took a breath, and her voice kept weaving on, quiet and steady.
“I’ve tried to think of it this way.”
Makina’s gaze dropped, just slightly.
“That your papa, and my mom — they protected us. …That’s what I choose to believe.”
Saying that, Makina gently pulled her forehead back, and, looking reluctant to let go, slowly lowered the hand that had been resting against my cheek.
“You couldn’t tell anyone, could you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never noticed.”
“No, no, Makina didn’t do anything—”
Makina wrapped both her hands around mine.
The faint warmth passing through from her fingertips gradually calmed the trembling running through me.
Held gently, the way you’d hold something fragile.
Like she was never going to let go.
“Your mom, and my dad… and your papa, and my mom, too. None of them would ever want you to keep blaming yourself like this…”
“…!”
“Please, I’m begging you. Don’t blame yourself anymore.”
“…Is that… okay?”
I’d thought I had no right to be happy at all.
“…I don’t want you — the you standing right beside me — living your life with a face like that.”
I couldn’t get any words out.
Only the tears wouldn’t stop.
Somewhere, a weight I’d never been able to tell anyone about was slowly, slowly getting lighter.
“…I’ll try.”
Something about it felt just slightly different from the tears before.
◇◆◇◆◇
I don’t know how long we stayed like that.
Once the tears had finally started to settle, Makina’s eyes suddenly went wide, like she’d just remembered something.
“…Hey, Yotsuka.”
“…What?”
Still a little sniffly, I lift my face.
“About what you said earlier.”
Makina’s eyes drifted, looking faintly awkward.
“It kind of got swept past in the moment, but… can I bring it back up now?”
“…Huh?”
“You said, ‘I was happy you kissed me,’ and that you pulled away because it made you ‘feel genuinely happy.’ It just got carried along with everything else at the time, but…”
Ah.
My head goes ice-cold all at once.
Makina stayed frozen, eyes wide open.
“…Does that mean… you were happy, because I kissed you…?”
Barely managing to squeeze that much out, Makina stayed completely still, staring straight at my face, seemingly forgetting even to blink.
O-oh no…!
I basically just fully, completely blew open my genuinely-in-love feelings for Makina with my own mouth, didn’t I…?!