Episode 114: Bonus - I Want Soba

Every year, without fail, this day ends with me concentrating on my studies. I really love studying because once I get into it, time flies by in the blink of an eye.

But for some reason, I just can’t concentrate today.

I reckon I haven’t been able to focus properly ever since I saw that pained look on Endo-san’s face on the 26th.

“Sigh……”

I’m exasperated by my own lack of consideration and my clumsy choice of words.

Every year, I stay cooped up in my room without eating New Year’s Eve soba. Unusually, it seems my older sister isn’t coming home this year. She seems to be quite busy with university matters.

I knew the three of them used to see in the New Year together every year. I’d spend the time in my room under the duvet so I wouldn’t have to hear it.

Knock knock

　There was a knock at the door, and I was so startled I bumped my foot against the desk.

‘Hoshizora, would you like to have some New Year’s Eve soba with us tonight?’

　My father spoke to me through the door. I thought to myself, he could just open the door and talk to me.

　When I opened the door, he had a look on his face that was a mixture of bewilderment and surprise.

　I wondered why he’d suddenly asked, but ever since I spoke to my parents during the summer holidays, they’ve both been making an effort to engage with me.

　I’m very happy about it, and I’m sure that’s what I’d wished for, but I’ve been unable to shake this nagging sense of unease, and I’ve often found it hard to accept their efforts wholeheartedly.

‘Could you give me a moment to think about it…?’
‘Of course. I’ve already prepared a portion for you, Hoshizora, so don’t feel you have to turn it down.’

　My father simply went downstairs.

　I felt uncomfortable and went outside.

　The library was closed, so I ended up wandering aimlessly through the streets, lost in thought.

‘I wonder how many years it’s been since I last had New Year’s Eve soba…’

　Even if I were to eat soba with my parents now, what on earth would I talk about? As I walked along, lost in such thoughts, a little old lady approached me and spoke cheerfully.

‘Young lady, have you decided where to have your soba today?’

　Even though it was my father who’d invited me, I fell silent at her words.

‘Oh, that reaction means you haven’t decided yet, have you?’
‘No… it’s more that I haven’t decided whether I’ll be eating with someone…’
‘I see, I see. I don’t quite understand, but is there someone you’d like to eat soba with? If there is, why not buy some from my shop?’

　I’m sure the old lady just wants to sell her soba, but her words really struck a chord with me.

　Do I want to eat with my parents…?

　No, the person I want to eat soba with is—.

　I understood, suddenly, why something had been weighing heavily on my chest until just now.

　I want to see Endo-san.

　I want to see Endo-san eating New Year’s soba right beside me. The wish rose up in me with startling strength.

　And this feeling is…

“I might not be able to eat the soba I’ve bought with you, but is that alright?”

　Endo-san said she was on her own, but she might turn me down if I went, or she might have ended up spending the evening with someone else at the last minute. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I’ll just think of it as an excuse to eat a lot of soba.

“It’s the thought that counts with things like this. Even if you eat alone, as long as you cherish the feeling that you wanted to eat with someone, you’re not alone. How much do you want?”
“Two portions. Oh, but…”

　A look of puzzlement crossed the old lady’s face.

It crossed my mind that Endo-san’s parents might also want to see in the New Year with her.

I’ve only ever seen them in photographs, but it’s clear they loved Endo-san dearly. I couldn’t help thinking, fanciful as it may be, that they must have wanted to spend today laughing together with her.

‘Do you have anything that would work as an offering?’
‘Oh, I’ve just the thing.’

　The old lady rummaged around in a bag and pulled something out.

‘We had our own limited edition cup soba made, you see. This ought to do nicely, don’t you think?’
‘I’ll take two of those and two portions of soba, please.’
‘Coming right up! Do come again.’

　As I left the shop and turned to head home, I looked back to see Grandma waving gently at me. The sign above her read ‘Tsuruta Soba’.

　Thank you, Tsuruta-obaachan.

　I murmured this to myself as I made my way home.

　As soon as I got home, I ran straight to the living room.

　My parents were sitting in their chairs, relaxing, but they looked at me in utter surprise as I came running in at full speed.

“Dad, Mum, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today even though you invited me. There’s someone I want to see in the New Year with, so I’m off to meet them now.”

　I reckon I was saying something rather embarrassing quite boldly and loudly. They blinked in surprise, but then smiled gently.

‘Go on, then.’

　With those words, the usual atmosphere returned to the house.

　Spurred on by their encouragement, I wrapped the scarf Endo-san had given me around my neck, got ready, and left the house.

　I’d spent a long time wandering around town, so it was getting quite late.

　I wonder if Endo-san is still awake.

On the way to Endo-san’s house, I started second-guessing myself — maybe I should just turn back, maybe I didn’t know what to say — and I came to a stop in front of the intercom.

I thought I’d better call her first, as she might be startled if I rang the bell suddenly.

Looking up at Endo-san’s room from outside, I could make out what looked like her silhouette and felt relieved that she was at home.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart.

Even at New Year, the person I want to be with isn’t my parents, my friends, or my sister.

I want to be with Endo-san.

Endo-san, let’s eat soba together.

With those words — spoken a hundred times in my heart where they could never reach her — I called her.