Episode 33
Haah…
There’s no time…
Why does just going out to have fun require this much agonising.
When I go out with Ran I never worry about it.
And today my mother isn’t home, so no one’s going to complain about what I wear.
But the thought of dressing in something feminine and having someone think it didn’t suit me — that frightened me.
Haah…
I made a decision not to think too hard about it.
I put on a dress and stood in front of the mirror.
Come to think of it, when Fujishiro and I went out together that one time, she’d been wearing makeup. It suited her, drawing out her prettiness, and it looked like a kind of magic that could make even me think I might become cute.
I caught myself touching my own cheek without realising, and startled.
There was no way I could become cute from wearing makeup.
That was the kind of thing that worked because a cute person like Fujishiro was wearing it.
I put my hair into a half-updo, collarbone-length strands framing my face, put on just lip balm, and went out.
Outside was warm and pleasant, a comfortable light coaxing drowsiness out of me.
Nice weather, and if it were just Ran, it would be shaping up to be a good day — but today that wasn’t how it was going to go.
Why had things ended up with five of us going out, anyway.
It didn’t make any sense no matter how I thought about it.
I wished Ran hadn’t agreed so easily.
I was still running through complaints in my head the whole way to the meeting point.
When I arrived, Ran and Yudzuki were already there talking together.
“Whoa, Mei, you look so cute today!”
“Ran looks nice too.”
Ran was in shorts, her long legs the better for it — an outfit that suited her figure well. Yudzuki had on trousers and a loose jacket, stylish in a way that made you wonder if there was any look that didn’t suit her.
Ran grabbed my arm as she always did and wouldn’t let go. A bit much today, but I let it go.
“So this is your casual style, Mei-chan. And your hair’s different from usual, it’s cute.”
Yudzuki reached to touch my head lightly, and then someone stepped between us.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“Oh, Nanoha! You seem a bit — off?”
“I’m fine, totally my usual self.”
The girl who had appeared in front of me held my gaze and wouldn’t let it go.
Her usually straight hair was curled in soft waves, makeup carefully done. Amber eyes with a quiet, inviting depth — I met them and immediately had to look away.
I dropped my gaze, and a pale lavender dress swayed and drifted, as if the fabric was glad to be worn by her.
“Wow, vice president, you really live up to the cute rumours, don’t you!”
“I do have a name, you know.”
Fujishiro looked put out at Ran’s comment, which made me feel strange — the two of them talking like that at all was strange.
“Nanoha-chan, nice to meet you properly.”
“Yeah, nice to meet you.”
Despite Fujishiro’s expression, Ran stuck her hand out cheerfully. The two of them were about to shake hands when a loud voice came flying in from somewhere distant.
“S, sorry!!”
Hinata came dashing in with tremendous momentum, breathing hard, fringe completely blown back from the run.
“We’re all here! Okay, let’s have fun today!”
Despite being the last to arrive, Hinata thrust her fist toward the sky with complete confidence.
I quietly positioned myself at the back of the group as we set off.
Today it seemed we were wandering around a shopping mall. In front of me Yudzuki and Hinata chatted happily together.
Ran was on my left, and I thought — where’s Fujishiro? — and the moment I did, she appeared on my right and I nearly jumped.
I decided to ignore her and talk to Ran instead, but within moments I wanted to hit Fujishiro.
She kept letting the back of her hand brush mine, bumping my shoulder lightly, over and over.
At first I thought it was my imagination, but she was absolutely doing it on purpose.
When I glared at her about it, she just smiled back, looking delighted.
“Mei-chan, is there a food you like?”
Hinata turned around suddenly, and my body reacted with an involuntary flinch.
“Anything is fine.”
“Ran-chan?”
“Same for me!”
“Then let’s go to a family restaurant!”
Hinata charged happily into the nearest family restaurant.
Yudzuki, Hinata, and Fujishiro sat on one side, Ran and I facing them. Everyone chatted more easily than I’d expected, and I was content to just listen.
Fujishiro matched herself to everyone’s mood — laughing, looking concerned, going serious. Watching her, I understood for the first time what she was like when she talked with friends. Slightly constrained. Holding herself in somehow. She said nothing but polite things in front of everyone, when she says nothing but rude things to me.
“Mei, what are you getting?”
Ran happily showed me the menu, so I went through it slowly.
Everything listed looked good.
One thing in particular caught my eye.
“You want this one, don’t you, Mei?”
“What?”
“It’s written all over your face.”
Ran laughed quietly at me.
Was I that easy to read? I didn’t like that, and made a note to be more careful.
What I’d been looking at was just a plain hamburger steak. Not something I’d particularly loved before — but the hamburger steak Fujishiro had bought at the convenience store and split with me had been good, and I still remembered it. My stomach had apparently responded to that memory on its own.
Everyone ordered what they wanted, and I ended up getting the hamburger steak.
Eating lunch with everyone, conversation flowing pleasantly around me, I listened without forcing myself into it. When we’d finished, we walked through the mall — clothes shops, miscellaneous goods shops — and I just followed along, but it was, a little bit, fun.
We drifted past a game arcade, and Hinata walked straight in on her own like a primary schooler, leaving the rest of us to exchange exasperated looks and follow her in.
“I want to see Yudzuki and Nanoha go head to head!”
What Hinata had bounced over to, full of excitement, was a car racing game.
Yudzuki and Fujishiro exchanged a look, both making the same resigned face, and sat down in front of it.
So this is what childhood friends look like, I thought, watching with a small feeling of novelty.
“These two have been competing since they were little, you know. I’ve always loved watching from the side. Both of them are so good — it’s exciting just to see.”
Hinata’s words caught on something in my chest.
Her expression made it clear she genuinely loved the two of them, and that she watched their rivalry with a completely pure heart.
But I wondered if what Hinata loved was a weight pressing down on Fujishiro.
I’d been beside her while she struggled and raged against always coming second. I’d come to understand that even someone who seemed as put-together and gifted as Fujishiro carried that kind of suffering.
“I’m not losing today.”
“Neither am I.”
A charged, crackling energy rose between them.
I found it slightly baffling that anyone could get this serious over a game.
The match began. But unfortunately, Fujishiro lost.
The moment it was over, she dropped forward with a thud, forehead hitting the steering wheel.
What kind of face was she making right now, looking down like that.
Was it the same face she made when she came second on the tests. Yudzuki was looking at Fujishiro with obvious pleasure, and Hinata was happily watching the result.
Without meaning to, I placed my hand over Fujishiro’s hand on the wheel. She looked up, startled.
“I want a turn. Swap with me. Yudzuki, let’s go.”
“Sure, I’d like that too.”
Yudzuki looked briefly surprised, but then turned to face me with open competitive intent.
“Oh! After Nanoha, now Mei-chan’s taking on the challenge! Can anyone beat Yudzuki?!”
“Go, Mei!”
Yudzuki was looking at me with full fighting spirit, Hinata was extremely hyped up, and Ran was having fun. As for Fujishiro — she was watching me with the most surprised expression of all of them, I think.
“Move?”
“Oh… yeah…”
I settled into the seat still warm from Fujishiro.
I don’t actually like this game.
It brings back one of the few memories I have of my father.
He used to take me to arcades, I think. The image I have is of him letting me play games like this while he scrolled on his phone.
I didn’t want to remember that anymore, so I’d thought I’d never come to arcades or play this again.
It was Fujishiro’s fault for being such an idiot about losing.
She’s an idiot.
If she hates losing that much, she could just refuse to play.
I breathed out quietly so no one would hear, and the match against Yudzuki began.
Yudzuki being skilled went without saying — but I played calmly, and by some good fortune managed to win.
“Mei-chan, you’re amazing! Someone who can beat Yudzuki actually exists! That’s incredible!”
Hinata threw her arms around me happily, which was a nuisance — but almost immediately an arm pulled her off.
“Hinata, stop that.”
“Ahaha. Don’t be so annoyed, Nanoha.”
“I’m not annoyed.”
She was very obviously annoyed.
Fujishiro’s tone was so flat and cold that Hinata and Yudzuki both stared at her wide-eyed.
But before the strange atmosphere could settle, Fujishiro flipped smoothly to a bright topic, and after that we all enjoyed various mini-games together.
I got absorbed in the games without noticing, and then Fujishiro disappeared. I looked around, and she was standing stock-still in front of a crane game.
Inside the box was a large dog plushie, lying on its side. Hinata noticed Fujishiro and drifted over.
“Nanoha, do you want that?”
“Hm? No. I was just looking.”
“A stuffed animal doesn’t really seem like your thing anyway.”
“…Yeah, you’re right.”
Fujishiro made a dim expression and moved away.
Left behind were me and a dog plushie with a rather silly face.