Episode 31: Even Though I’m at My Limit, I Still Want to Talk to Her
Three days to the trade show.
The afternoon air on the sales floor was strained. No, “strained” doesn’t cover it.
Prickly, jagged. Everyone was on edge from sheer overload.
Tasks piled sky-high. Inquiry emails about the new service kept flooding in, nonstop.
The trade show materials were still only half finished.
Even stacking early starts and late nights, no matter how much we cleared, the work kept gushing out like an open tap.
Total, complete capacity overload.
And yet.
And yet my gaze kept getting pulled toward Hanamori, diagonally across from me.
No good. I know that.
I know shifting my eyes like this is wasted time. I know if I just kept my eyes on my computer, I could clear another two inquiries in that time.
But I look anyway. Unconsciously.
Hanamori was working desperately. Typing away, brow furrowed, a serious look on her face. Every so often, puffing out her cheeks slightly.
Wonder what she’s worrying about… cute.
No, am I an idiot? Wrong. Not that. This is genuinely not the time to be thinking things like that.
“Haah…”
A deep sigh slipped out despite myself. Come to think of it, I hadn’t made it to lunch today. Pretty sure Hanamori hadn’t either.
Today’s been so busy, the only words we’ve exchanged were this morning’s “good morning.”
*
Lonely…
No, wait. Lonely, what?
I’m a working adult. This is a warzone right before a trade show. Way too love-brained, Asami Nagi.
But I want to talk to her.
I want to trade jokes like usual.
Just one more glance, sneaking a look. My eyes drift over anyway.
Hanamori turns a page of her documents. Her slender fingers grip the edge of the paper. Her hand holding a pen jots down a note. She tilts her head. The line of her neck comes into view—
At that moment, our eyes met, sharply.
(Oh crap, bad.)
I looked away in a panic.
To hide that I’d been staring, I buried myself in the documents in front of me, desperately covering.
What is a working adult in her mid-twenties even doing. Acting like a middle schooler. Pathetic. Embarrassing. Way too embarrassing.
My heart was pounding hard.
But I was still curious.
Carefully, I let my gaze drift back toward Hanamori again.
*
—Hanamori was staring right at me.
A wary expression.
The kind of look you’d give someone you suspected of stealing underwear off a clothesline. Sharp. Head tilted.
Bad. Right now, I’m being fully treated as a suspicious person.
All I could do was cover with an awkward smile.
I tried to force a cool expression, the kind that says “oh my, is something wrong, Hanamori-san?” Though honestly, I was probably grinning like an idiot.
Then.
Hanamori’s eyes dropped, and she smiled softly. A small smile rose to her cheek.
And then, as if nothing had happened, her serious expression returned as she looked back at her computer.
…What was that?
That smile should be illegal.
I turned back to my monitor and, with a straight face, replied to emails.
In my head, that smile of Hanamori’s kept replaying, over and over.
Once the wave of inquiry-email replies settled, I finally got a break.
Stepping into the break room, the cool air felt nice. I brewed hot coffee from the machine and grabbed a paper cup.
I took a sip of the black coffee. Bitter. But that bitterness sharpened my head pleasantly.
I took another sip and let out a breath. Finally, a break. Today’s been way too busy.
The click of heels sounded.
My heart gave a hard jolt.
—I turned around, and Hanamori had come into the break room.
“Ah.”
A sound slipped out of me despite myself. Hanamori noticed me too, her eyes going wide for a second.
I should talk to her. Anything, whatever it is. We haven’t gotten to talk at all today.
I laughed at myself, getting all giddy about it, way too old for this.
“Hanamori-s—”
“Asami-s—”
Our voices overlapped.
“Ah, Asami-san, go ahead.”
Hanamori took a step back. That gesture was oddly cute. Wait, what was I about to say just now? I’m curious. Really curious.
“No, Hanamori-san, go ahead—”
“…Then—”
*
“Ah, Nagi-san.”
A sweet voice from behind.
I turned, and Asakura-san had come into the break room. A black tight skirt. Her chestnut hair, loosely curled, pulled back. A soft, soapy perfume drifting over.
“Good work out there.”
“Asakura-san, good work.”
“Was I interrupting something? Sorry. I had a question about the proposal materials from the earlier meeting.”
Ah, work talk. Need to handle this.
Asakura-san started explaining something about the pamphlet design.
Serious work talk. I need to actually listen.
And yet my gaze — kept getting pulled toward the back of the break room.
A glance.
Hanamori, expressionless, was making herself a café au lait.
Her profile was beautiful. Her eyes tilted slightly downward, emphasizing the length of her eyelashes.
Come on, Asami. Asakura-san’s talking about work right now. Focus.
“So, about next week’s meeting—”
“Ah, yes.”
Even while answering, my eyes kept tracking Hanamori.
Asakura-san’s voice reached my ears. The topic had shifted from work to something personal.
“Oh, right. That place I booked for next week, apparently it was featured on TV recently.”
“Oh, really…”
Giving half-hearted replies, I kept tracking Hanamori with my eyes.
Hanamori was stirring her café au lait unusually carefully. Taking more time than usual, it seemed.
Maybe she was listening in a little? Whether she was aware of us or not, I couldn’t tell from her expression.
And then, just as she picked up her paper cup and stepped out of the break room, Hanamori glanced my way, just for an instant.
A wistful, faintly lonely expression.
“Good work.”
She said it quietly, and left the break room.
Ah, she’s leaving…
*
I’d wanted to talk to her.
Finally, on our one break, we’d gotten to see each other’s faces.
I tried to keep nodding along to Asakura-san’s story after that, but I couldn’t stop worrying about Hanamori’s retreating back.
“And so, that movie I watched last week—”
“Ah, Asakura-san…! S-sorry.”
My voice came out too loud, and Asakura-san flinched.
“I just remembered an urgent matter…! I’m really sorry. Excuse me…!”
“Ah, I see. Take care then.”
Leaving Asakura-san’s voice behind me, I was already running.
Chasing after Hanamori.
Half-jogging down the hallway.
“Hanamori-san!”
My voice came out louder than I meant it to.
Hanamori flinched and turned around.
“Um, uh—”
I was out of breath. I’d called out to her, sure, but now what. What was I even going to say.
I couldn’t think of a way to start.
“…I ate the super-spicy mapo tofu at the cafeteria.”
The words came out. On reflex.
My mouth just moved on its own.
What kind of topic was that.
Even to me, that was a pointlessly trivial report.
Silence.
Hanamori’s eyes narrowed further.
“…Huh?”
“No, um. That thing you mentioned before. It was pretty spicy, but I gave it a shot.”
“That.”
Hanamori took a step closer.
“You chased me down and yelled to stop me, just to report that?”
An exasperated, wry laugh. Completely, thoroughly done with me.
“Ah, no—”
“Asami-san, are you bored or something?”
“Not bored! I’m busy! Super busy!”
“If you’re busy, this isn’t the time to be thinking about mapo tofu.”
Hanamori tilted her head slightly, the corner of her mouth lifting.
“Hm, or maybe… you got worried about me and chased me down?”
“N-no, that’s not it!”
“Is that so? That was surprisingly quick, ending your lovey-dovey time with Asakura-san.”
“Eh, no, that’s, um—”
“Kidding. Asami-san, if you’re bored, come help with the trade show materials.”
Giggling, still in that same bratty tone, she kept poking at me.
Frustrating. Frustrating, but cute.
Hanamori continued.
“Asami-san, seriously, you’ve been off ever since before.”
“Eh… um…”
“…So, was it good? The super-spicy mapo tofu?”
Hanamori’s expression softened slightly. She was staring right at my face.
“Ah, yeah. It was good. Really spicy, though.”
“Hm. Did you actually eat it? Weren’t you supposed to be bad with spicy food?”
“Eh?”
“Are you lying, maybe?”
“Not lying! I really ate it!”
“Proof?”
Hanamori was smirking. And she’d seen right through me. Completely being played with.
“P-proof, I mean… I threw away the receipt.”
“Then I won’t believe you.”
“No, it’s true, really!”
“Yeah, yeah, got it. Well then.”
Hanamori giggled.
She turned to walk off again.
Ah, wait a second.
“L-let’s eat it together sometime! The super-spicy mapo tofu!”
The moment I said it, I regretted it.
Why am I still dragging out this mapo tofu topic?
“…Pfft, what kind of invitation is that? I don’t even like spicy food.”
“Uuugh, right. Sorry.”
Hanamori looked exasperated, but she was smiling, just a little.
Then, after a short pause.
“…Well then.”
A faintly bashful expression.
“Once the trade show’s over and things calm down… I guess I could go get something sweet with you somewhere.”
Her expression, her line, made my heart throb.
“Eh. Y-yeah…”
“You’re paying, Asami-san.”
“Wh-what!?”
Hanamori turned on her heel and headed back toward the sales floor.
Wait.
Same icy, condescending treatment as always.
Why am I this happy about it? I catch myself practically dancing on the spot.
We were just standing around talking. Just talking about the cafeteria.
I know it in my head.
Hanamori likes Tamura-san, and Asakura-san might like me.
So if Hanamori ends up with Tamura-san, and I end up with Asakura-san, everything would work out neatly.
And yet, why?
My body moves on its own.
Before I know it, I’m looking for Hanamori.
I’m listening for Hanamori’s voice.
—My love-brain is, after all, already a lost cause.